The url of this site has been changed. Please update your bookmarks! Not So Normal News



28 February 2005

Just Pull It...


T

hat's all that I wanted... someone to pull it out. I wanted to write about this last week, but I got side-tracked. Last week I woke up with a toothache. Not one of those "pain from hell" types... just paining me enough to know there was something wrong. I swabbed the tooth with Ambesol and figured I could "tough it" out. As the day went on, I was not only swabbing every 15 minutes, I was taking shots of NyQuil... I use NyQuil for a lot of things... Anyway, the pain was getting much stronger. So I took a shower, shaved and went over to my dentist. She was on vacation until today of this week. The girl said if I came back the next day they could give me something for the pain. I already had something for the pain kinda/sorta. I remembered passing a dentist on my monthly trips to the VA...

I Know I Don't Have An Appointment, but...


Down the road I went and pulled into the empty driveway. It's always empty. I went in and I think it was the wife of the dentist who was there and looked like she just woke up. "I'm sorry, but we only see people by appointment" I looked around at the empty waiting room. But I have excrutiating pain right now. "There's nothing I can do", she said. Back into my car... I remembered another dentist office in my neighborhood. I pass this office on my way for morning bagels. So I zipped on over, pulled in... another empty parking lot. Went in, holding my jaw now. There were 4 nurses/office workers all sitting in the little office. I looked around... no patients were in the waiting room. Explaining my problem the receptionist asked if I had an appointment. I took a deep breath and said "no, I didn't know in advance I would be having a toothache today." She looked at the computer screen and said, "Well, we have an opening next Wednesday." "But ma'am, I have the toothache TODAY." "I'm sorry." and I knew she wasn't really sorry... laugh So I stopped by Walgreen's on my way home and picked up industrial strenght NyQuil and more Ambesol. By now my jaw was throbbing... it's a good thing I didn't know where my pliers were...

Fast forward to this week, today... So here I am now... a week later... my dentist is back from her vacation... but my tooth doesn't hurt anymore. Don't ask, I don't have a clue... Not even a little pinch of pain. It dawned on me that maybe the toothache was the precursor to the flu I'm just getting over. And since over the weekend I've been living on NyQuil I never noticed the tooth. So now I don't know what to do...

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Has anything like this happened to you with dentists or doctors? Is it the doctors fault or do these receptionist take on too much authority?

27 February 2005

The Answerman Barely Comeths - Part 9


A

s you know over the past 2 days I have been practically on death's door with my severe flu. I'd like to publically thank everyone for their flowers and cards. They truly perked me up a tiny bit...

Knowing that y'all would be flocking here today to visit with the Answerman Cometh I managed to pull myself together enough to sit at the keyboard and do my duty. Excuse me a second... "achoo, snif, snif", Ok, I'm back. Even though the pain is excruciating to type bear with me and we'll get through this.

Now I know there were more than the questions below that were submitted to the Answerman but I can't find them now. Due to my failing eyesight during my current affliction I will have to forget about looking for all of them. If I find them, then I'll do them next week. Let's get on with it then...

First question...


Dear Answerman: Just who the hell are "they" and where do "they" get together and make all the world's most crucial decisions and issue "their" proclamations? ie: "They" say "Two wrongs don't make a right" and other really smart stuff, and have "they" ever published a book of the things "they" say? Signed Sexy Barb in NJ


Dear Sexy Barb: First of all folks, let me introduce you to Barb from NJ. Barb and I went to grade school together back in Philly...

Anyway: I’ve run into the wisdom and sayings of “They” and “Their” many times in my illustrious life. According to the world reknown "Book of Knowledge", 2005 Edition, “They” were a group of extremely smart and secretive people who lived a long time ago in Europe. “They” met once a month to discuss world matters and things. “They” always sat around quoting “Their” ancestors and the wise things “Their” ancestors said. At one time “They” wanted to publish a book of “Their” ancestors sayings… unfortunately half of the group wanted to call the book “This and That Sayings” and the other half was pushing for “These and Those Sayings” Eventually “They” abandoned the idea of a book. Unfortunately, “They” dropped the whole idea of publishing “Their” sayings. I know this isn’t much of an answer but it is all that’s known about “Them” “Them” is who “They” became in later years. And thanks for your question Sexy Barb.



Moving along...


Dear Answerman: Does everybody see the same thing thru their respective eyes? What I mean is do you see the same colors and shapes I see, and do they look the same. (Not counting color blind people)Signed, Hoping not to go cross-eyed in Houston, Malibu


Dear Malibu: Of course not. While men see a yellow or red light and slow down and stop. Females see Green and speed up to make it through the intersection..

However I didn’t want to give a wrong answer here, so I checked with Reverend Jebidiah, Recently defrocked minister of Mollytown's First Church of Mollytown and father of Monique and Lula-Bell and rumored father of Jessie-Bell, Sarah-Bell, Tinkle-Bell and Jeb, Jr. The good Reverend explained that it all started with Adam and Eve. "Now when Adam and Eve were in the Garden and God said, “You can eat anything you want except the fruit on that tree over there. However, Eve heard: “You can eat whatever you want except the apples on that tree.” One night Adam asked Eve what was for dinner… Eve knew they couldn’t eat the apples from the tree but figured God didn’t say anything about oranges. So she picked two nice oranges and they ate them…. Then they heard a great…” At that point Reverend Jebidiah stopped and admitted he was thrown out of the seminary before he found out what happened that fateful day. So Malibu, you’ll just have to accept what we know.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Wow, I made it through in one piece. Right now I am going to try and drive myself down to the VA Hospital in case I need a blood transfusion. Or maybe I should run over to the bagel shop and get a few "everything" bagels for strength. Hmmm.

26 February 2005

Nothing to Say...


T

his is a first. Last night I was watching TV and felt like I was coming down with a cold or flu or something. So I figured I would catch it before it gets hold of me. I took some NyQuil...and went back to watching Stargate Sg-1 on the SciFi channel. The next thing I knew I woke up at 12:15 AM. And geez, I was wide awake.

Went out to the kitchen and made a fresh pot of coffee and sat down at the keyboard and started doing a little work. I changed the new blog of the day thing over on the sidebar, did a few things in Monique's Mall... surfed around on some other blogs... then about 3AM started to get sleepy... I figured I'll go lay down for a bit... knowing full well I wasn't going to fall asleep again, especially after drinking 3 cups of coffee. So I humored myself and laid down, thinking in 15 minutes I would get up and do today's blog article.

The very next thing I knew... it was 5AM! Laugh... That NyQuil works very good! Maybe a little too good because I'm now sitting here with absolutely nothing in my head, except whatever your heads fills with when you're getting the flu. Flu Junk, that's what's in there... and it won't come out. So I apologise/apologize (whichever you prefer) for not having a normal article here this morning. If I simply take it easy today I should be fine by tomorrow I hope.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Don't forget the Answerman Cometh tomorrow. Leave any burning questions you might have for him today, in addition to some good questions that have already been asked of him over the last few days.

25 February 2005

Very, Very Interesting...


W

ithin 48 hours of my posting the UFO story on here, Peter Jenning's and ABC Evening News runs a 2 hour show last night on... guess what? You got it, flying saucers visiting earth! I just knew the major networks were reading my blog in order to get stories.

I suspect they have all noticed your comments as well. I could swear I heard him say last night that they were going to interview a woman who believes her mother in law was an alien.

From now on I have to be really sharp in my writings. Oh, and we need more chatter in the comments section... that way we fool them into thinking we're discussing really important topics on here. I promise when I go "inter-planetary" I'll remember all of you, and take you with me. Plus, guess what I discovered? I can check and see where my visitors are coming from... There was listed visitors from all 7 continents... PLUS, 5 visitors from "Unknown"... Unknown?? Are you thinking what I am thinking? Yes, we have 5 visitors from outer space reading my blog as well.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Is there anything you would like to see me discuss? Things that will catch the eye of the networks news bosses? You suggest, I write, and then tune in to the news the next night and watch it all. Oh and by the way, has anyone seen my Prozac lately?

24 February 2005

Ummm... Err.... Well...


T

hat's kinda how my visit to the doctor went yesteday. It was time for my quarterly psychological visit/exam/whatever. Normally my doctor is a very cute, sexy auburned hair beauty. Really, she is. We sit and talk for an hour straight and it only seems to be a short 60 minutes.


Anyway, yesterday was just a little different. I met with a male doctor/student/intern... I'm not sure what he was... When we sat down he explained that he would be working on my case for the first half of the hour and then he would consult with my regular doctor and then she would meet with me. Ok, not a big deal... and he asked pretty innoculous questions... until the end of our time together.

DOC: So how many times a month do you have sex?
ME: Ummm...

DOC: Do you have sex with a partner or by yourself?
ME: Err....

DOC: Have you ever demonstrated homosexual urges?
ME: WHAT??? I think we're finished here, don't you?

All three of those questions were basically left unanswered. The strange thing is if the Doctor... the female Doctor asked those same questions I probably would have answered her. Why is it that psychology always, always boils down to sexual behavior and fantasies? This is all Freud and Jung's fault.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts


1. If you were asked the same questions by a medical member of the opposite sex, would you answer?
2. Or, have you been asked and how did you answer? Or even did you answer.

23 February 2005

Are We Alone?


A

re we? Maybe I've been watching the SciFi channel a little too much lately. But for some reason, maybe intuition, I've been thinking about people on other planets. Now don't laugh... but there could be.

Just think how vast the sky really is... there's no end to it. It's like the energizer bunny... it keeps going and going and going.

I think Area 51 aka Groom Lake at one time was the place for the research and the collection of "flying saucers"...at least in 1947. However now that the U.S. is much more sophisticated in these matters, and so much attention has been pointed towards Area 51, things of this nature have been moved elsewhere. I think it's time for our government and others to start coming clean about what they know. But on the other hand, I'm not so sure our world could handle it. To find out that there is definitely intelligent life on other planets would be the greatest thing since... geez... everything.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

This prompts a couple questions:
1. Do you believe there is life "out there"?
2. Have you ever seen a "flying saucer?"
3. Are there people from other planets walking amongst us right now?

And Another Thing

If you are a space alien and happen to be reading my blog here while out flying around the universe... come and get me. I am willing to fly around with you and you can study me, as long as you don't "probe" me. Also, if you are a female space alien, I am single, fairly attractive, nice build, am retired and able to travel, good talker and presently have a blog conglomerate to run. And if there are other personal questions you might have for me, then email me as I don't want to reveal certain things on here and have people knowing I am a sleaze interesting person.

22 February 2005

Where Have I Been?


S

omeone had asked me to write down all of the places I have visited in my life. It's always been in the back of my mind, but didn't think it would be of interest to anyone, until I saw another blog yesterday and she did the exact same thing. There were a lot of comments and places listed where other people visited. So... here goes and in no particular order:

Around The World in 40 years...

United States: New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Conn., New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Rhode Island, West Virginia, Washington, D.C., Delaware, Virginia, North Carolina, California, South Carolina, Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Indianna, Louisianna, Texas, New Mexico, Mississippi, Illinois, and Ohio.


North America: Canada and Mexico

Europe: Spain, France, Monaco, Italy, Sardinia, Sicily, Sorrento, the Isle of Capri, Crete, Greece, Morocco, Africa, Corfu, Great Britain, Ireland, St. Helena Island of Napolean fame, and in and out of Germany for a few minutes on a train.

Carribbean: Saint Thomas, Cuba, Vieques, Saint Croix, Martinique, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, Bahamas, Cayman Islands, Dominican Republic, Turks and Calcos Islands, Bermuda.

Western Carribbean: Belize, Guatelmala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica.

South America:: Peru, Equador, Panama, Brazil, Chile, Argentina, Venezuela, Colombia.

My Favorite Place: This would be a toss up between Rome and Pompeii. The thrill in Pompeii, located just outside of Naples, Italy, was going up the side of Mt. Vesuvius in a chair lift to the very top and walking down into the lava dust and dirt inside the crater. Then I stood in the center of Pompeii and tried to envision the total bedlam in August of 79 A.D. I could write a whole article on Pompeii... maybe I will. And Rome... there is nothing I could ever say that you haven't already heard about regarding the Eternal City. History all around you, everyplace you look and touch. I went through Rome touching everything I could... wondering who from the Roman empire stood where I was and touched what I did. Unbelievable!

The really hard part about writing a blog entry like this is the temptation to write about where in all of these cities and countries I've gone and seen. For example, Italy... I could go on days and days about the cities up and down the length and width from Sicily to Rome to Pisa... everyplace inbetween.

Now I think that's it... but I am sure there are a few places that I've forgotten about and a few places that I've tried to delete from my memory. I consider myself to be lucky to have been to as many countries as I have. But all in all, there's no place like home.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts


1. Where have you been in this huge world?
2. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

21 February 2005

Where were you?


S

o sorry!! There's a first for everything. When I was writing the article for today, Tuesday, I accidentally erased yesterday's article. I'm usually so careful with these things.

20 February 2005

Человек Мужчина Ответа Прибывает - Часть Семь


I

n an further attempt to once again promote international friendship, the Answerman extends his hand out to all of our Russian friends this week. Come on in and sit down for awhile... I'm sure your fingers are tired from surfing. We can relax over some hot Borst.

This has been one really exhausting week, especially the last two days here. Please remind me not to write about anything controversial anymore. Laugh.

And only a few questions this week for the Answerman. If things don't pick up, I may have to lay him off.


First question...


Dear Answerman: What happened to poster person dbdoberman? Signed Perplexed, NowDanny


Dear NowDanny: First, for the benefit of those that don't know who dbdoberman is... he was a very regular poster here in the early days of this blog. Going back even further, over on another board I visit everyday, dbdoberman was a constant poster. Then all of a sudden he just dropped off the radar screen. No one has heard from him... period. I have two answers for this question... one of them is the right one. 1. He died. 2. He's still with us but for some reason he's changed his handle. Personally, I am going with No. 1.

Moving along...


Dear Answerman: Oh Answerman, why do I--I mean why do women pick exciting men over nice stable ones? Signed, Looking for Mr. Big, blue2go


Dear blue2go: I kinda knew the answer to this one but I wanted to check with an expert on female situations. I stopped by


and saw "Slim" Pickins of the Fruit and Vegetable Stand in Mollytown. "Because they are crazy. Women just live for the moment. They need to put more thought into their love lives... like us men do." he said. He went on: "Now, before hitting on a female we run through a whole litany of things. Can she cook? clean? be a good mother? be a good wife? can she pick and husk corn? The list is exhaustive. Women on the other hand look for the moment... great abs, full head of hair, lots of money. Nothing of substance, they just jump right in. It's a creation flaw... bottom line: God really screwed up bigtime." I knew I could count on ole Slim for an honest answer.

And Finally...


Dear Answerman: Hmmm, I was just wondering, what kind of questions is Answerman looking for? Signed, I Have a Question, dl


Dear dl: What kind of questions do I look for? Well, to be honest I look for questions that I have the answers for... For example: If you asked What's in tomato soup? I could handle that. But if you asked what's in chicken noodle soup? Well, now you're getting more complicated and I don't like to think too much on the weekends.



Extra! Extra!

Monique Speaks Out

Monique of Monique's Home House Calls, Stucco Siding and Shopping Mall announced that you can only smoke in her mall in designated areas on each floor. The areas do not have ventilation at the moment. However on a positive note... Monique indicated that since the smoking rooms have no ventilation, people too poor to buy cigarettes can go in and just breathe in a few times. Good ole Monique... always thinking of the little folks.
19 February 2005

You'll Stunt Your Growth


Y

es, that's when it all started. Cigarette smoking started out with a simple "You'll Stunt Your Growth" to the now out of control, No Smoking laws, abounding all over the world... ok, not the world, but in the U.S..

Hmmmm... I Smell Smoke

One company has gone too far I think. They have implemented a No Smoking rule that in my opinion infringes on the first 10 Amendments somehow. You not only can't smoke on their property, in or out of the building... you can't smoke on the way to work or going home... AND you can't smoke in the privacy of your home or in your gas guzzling, polutant excuse for a car. I was so shocked by the story that I've forgotten the name of the company. Every 6 months they give you a lie detector test to see if you are smoking at home. If you are... you're out the door... no sympathy, no second chance... you're fired.

In Houston here, City Council is playing with a law that will ban smoking in restaurants and bars. A stupid ban but a ban. Why stupid? The potential law states that you can smoke at the BAR area in restaurants or bars but not in a booth. Next the bartenders union will be complaining. Yes, yes, I know the health factors and second hand smoke, but we are really teetering on a Big Brother world here. In Houston we have cameras at interections to see if you go through a red light. Then they mail you the ticket. At right is an unretouched photo taken about 4AM while I was writing this article..



Over the years, I've tried to quit... I've been hypnotized and was smoking on the way home. I've had a staple in my ear to pull on when I wanted a smoke. On the way home I realized I was out of cigarettes and pulled into a gas station. I've taken pills and patches. My mother smoked for I don't remember how many years... I remember going to the drug store around the corner for her and getting cigarettes. They were 25 cents a pkg. Can you believe that? 25 cents! Geez, when they went to 35 cents people thought it outrageous. Laugh (When I was in the Navy and we would pull out to sea, we sold what was called "sea stores"... cigarettes for 10 cents a pkg... yes, 10 cents! or $1.00 per carton.) Nowadays, you have to take a lean out against your house to get a pack. Anyway, one morning she woke up and said, "that's it... no more" and she hasn't had a cigarette in geez, 20 years. Yesterday she celebrated her 79th birthday. (Happy Birthday Mom)... now the whole world knows. Laugh.

Ok, I'm finished... now it's time for a fresh cup of coffee and a Benson & Hedges while I read my blog and look for spelling mistakes. Laugh.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Are we going to far? Will it stop with cigarettes and cars? Are we heading towards cameras in our homes to detect illegal behavior?

Extra! Extra!

Don't forget... tomorrow is the Answerman Cometh! Start leaving your questions today, then check back tomorrow for your answers. No question is too easy or too hard for the Answerman. And remember the Answerman's motto: "You're Always Wrong and I'm Always Right" LOL

18 February 2005

What Would You Do?


E

veryone, at one time or another has found something of value... from money to rings... whatever. I ran across an item about a woman who stopped into a McDonald's for lunch, and left a really big tip.

One Big Mac, $8,700 please

On Saturday a woman went into a McDonald's and ordered a Big Mac. She got her sandwich and fries, paid for them and sat down and enjoyed her lunch. The next day on Sunday, she realized she didn't have her purse which contained $8,700 she was going to use as a down payment towards a summer home. (How can you go an entire day, not knowing you don't have your purse that contains $8,700.00??)


So, extremely distraught the woman went to the Police Department and reported her purse missing. Apparently she left her purse on the counter at McD's the previous day. The clerk finding the purse turned it over to the Orange County Police... plus all of the $8,700.00. There was no ID in the purse with the money. The woman returned to the burger joint and gave 23 year old Ilona Barattin an undisclosed reward.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

First of all... I certainly wouldn't be walking around with that amount of money and popping into McDonald's for lunch. And how could you be so absent-minded, stupid, dumb ________ fill in your own descriptive adjective and leave the purse on the counter? This prompted a few questions: Have you ever done anything like that? Leave something of value on a counter? Or what would you have done if you found a purse with no ID and inside was $8,700? Would you turn it into the police? Me? Oh I would turn it into the cops also... but I would take out my generous reward first. I think 10% 25% no make it 50% The hell with it... anyone want to go to Europe with me?

17 February 2005

The Cost of Education...


K

nowledge and the price you pay for it has weighed heavily on me the past few days. My three older children in Philly are grown, out of school and married... my two youngest here in Texas are both just starting out in school.

How Some Things Have Changed

When I was in grade school if you wanted to see the schools' principal you simply popped in and saw the Sister that was the Principal. When you wanted to see a priest or the Pastor, you simply popped in and saw him. Nowadays it's appointments. It's Tuition time again for students in Catholic School. The school sent home a letter outlining the tuition for the upcoming year 2006. The Catholic school where my two youngest girls go has 3 tiers for payment: Catholic, Stewardship and Non-Catholic. Non-Catholic is obvious but you still want your kids to go to Catholic school and is the highest tuition rate. Catholic, is the second highest tuition rate. The lowest is Stewardship rate. This is the rate you pay if you volunteer at the school or at the church for 40 hours. Your tuition is at the lowest rate. Last year my ex-wife volunteered at the school doing odds and ends, etc. so the girls got Stewardship rates. This year was my turn... however with having 2 strokes since April I never went to volunteer. Subsequentially, when the tuition letter arrived, the girls were moved into the "Catholic Rate" since no one had volunteered any kind of work.

So on Tuesday, I got myself together and headed over to the school to see the principal. Instead I met with the Business Manager. Schools have a business manager now?? I explained my situation and the bottom line was that she told me to write her a letter and she would discuss it with the pastor. Unfortunately, I'm not the type of person to let myself be ruled by circumstances. So, I left her office and went over to the rectory to see the pastor. It was his day off. When do priest get a day off? But then again, they never get any Sundays off either. Anyway I had to make an appointment for the next day, Wednesday.

Wednesday morning came and I was getting myself ready for my appointment at 10AM. I was constantly running things over in my mind that I wanted to discuss with him... and how I was going to rationalize out the fact that I simply couldn't afford the "Catholic rate of $9,831.00 for two girls" and needed the girls to stay at the "Stewardship rate which was $7,101.00" I couldn't even imagine the non-Catholic rate of $12,051.00. Geez, when I went to Catholic school in... ummm let's just say a long time ago... there was no tuition. We did have to sell 5 tickets for the weekly 50-50 drawing and that was it. And of course there was a Catholic school in every single neighborhood in Philly. When asked where you lived you could either say the neighborhood or Nativity parish.. and everyone knew where you were from in the city.


So I met with Monsignor Bill... Father Bill as he is called. I sat and very quietly explained my financial situation and explained that I couldn't have done any volunteer work due to the two strokes. I also explained that I really wanted to keep my two daughters in Catholic school because of the quality of education. Now doing this might be very easy for some people, but me doing it is very hard. I do not know how to "beg" so to speak. All this time Father Bill sat, sipping his coffee and listening intently on what I was saying. He was a very relaxed and comforting type person.

When I was finished, I fully expected to hear Father Bill explain the plights of the church, the cost of pencils, paper, copybooks and they couldn't bend the rules, etc., etc.

Instead he simply said, "Ok, I'll call the Business Manager and inform her that your daughters will stay at the "Stewardship rate... now what else can I do for you?" And that was it. I was stunned. All done. All of my worrying for naught.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Do you have school age kids and have the same situations where they go to school? Catholic School? Non-Catholic School?

16 February 2005

Friends...


B

logites and countrymen (and women). I come to praise Monique, not bury her. Have you noticed anything different about the blog today?

Monique Moves On...

Before a crowd of 10 or 20 people and TV cameras, Monique of Moniques Home House Calls, Stucco Siding and Shopping Mall made an incredible announcement. Amist signs and banners proclaiming everything from Gay Penguins Need Love Also to Monique for Mayor... Monique told the throng yesterday that she was moving her Shopping Mall off of the main Blog.

"I understand the need of the bloggers... they want speed and fast loading pages." she said. "In that spirit I have taken the first steps to remove all of my advertisements from this Blog and went and created my own blog. All of the stores that you have come to love and appreciate are now located at Monique's Shopping Mall" Even though the Mall is still under construction, you can browse and make purchases. I did this because you are more important than selling merchandise. If you're not happy and don't spend time here, you certainly won't be stopping and shopping in the mall.

Yes folks, we moved the advertisements to a different blog and you can continue to shop with relative ease, in your pj's, right from the comforts of your own home. No running to the mall to find those "must have" items. We have them right here for you!

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

However, I need some feedback from you... is the blog loading any faster? Is there anything else I need to do to make this blog more visitor-friendly?

15 February 2005

And I Thought I Heard It All


J

ust when I thought it was safe to start reading the news again, up pops this little gem from the Bremerhaven Zoo in northwest Germany regarding their penguins... to be more specific, their gay penguins..

Is That a Flipper Or Are You Glad To See Me?

Every once in awhile I see a news story that grabs my attention. Let's get this straight right in the beginning... I am not gay bashing or anything of the sort. Nor am I making fun of gay animals anywhere... however, this made me laugh outloud...

Heike Kuck of the Bremerhaven Zoo in northwest Germany said she has been bombarded with criticism since announcing four female Humboldt penguins were flown in from Sweden to mate with six homosexual birds. Now let me do the math here real quick... 4 females and 6 males... what happens to the 2 males left over? Are they destined to just be gay? This whole situation just has way too many unanswered questions.

Once again I state... I am not making fun of gay penguins anywhere, nor any other animal that happens to be gay. I do not want to be hearing from any Animal Gay Rights groups! Nor do I want threatening emails and late night phone calls from the Gay Penguins Anti-Defamation League.

The Antarctic birds gained international attention last year when, in the absence of any females, they were discovered wandering around in pairs, trying to mate with each other and sitting on stones as if they were eggs. I can't even imagine heterosexual penguins mating, let alone two gay penguins. Now I'm wondering if there are lesbian penguins?

Kuck said she has been receiving nasty letters and e-mails from as far away as Australia taking her to task for trying to cure the penguins of their homosexuality.

We're simply trying to help save a threatened species, she said.

My personal thought is that you can lead a penguin to the promised land but you can't make his flippers flip.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Should the gay penguin population be left alone? Should sex be forced on them to try and change them? Now I am wondering if there are gay elephants?...

14 February 2005

Happy Valentine's Day to You!


R

omance is in the air today, all around us... There are just so many ways I could write about Valentine's Day. The world's greatest romances, peoples' love of things, the love of families towards each other and the list goes on and on.

Love is all around us... today.

It just runs entire volumes of emotions... the love of a parent who lost a son or daughter in the war in Iraq, or any war actually... to a break up of a marriage... the birth of a baby... whatever.

Recently the American Film Institute asked its' members to list the 100 most passionate, romantic movies ever released. The Top Five of the 100 are as follows:
1. Casablanca (1942)
2. Gone With The Wind (1939)
3. West Side Story (1961)
4. Roman Holiday (1953)
5. An Affair To Remember (1957)

But leave it to Hollywood types to have also picked:
24. King Kong (1933)
65. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
100. Jerry Maguire (1996)

Personally, I think one of the greatest love stories of all time was that between Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett. On January 10, 1845, Robert Browning wrote to Elizabeth Barrett for the first time, after reading her volume of poetry called Poems. He was a little-known thirty-two-year-old poet and playwright, she was an internationally renowned poet, an invalid, and a thirty-nine-year-old spinster. "I love your verses with all my heart, dear Miss Barrett --" opened his first letter to her. Over the course of the next 20 months they exchanged over 600 letters... one of the greatest literary correspondences of all time. The pair's last letter was exchanged on September 18, 1846, the night before the two left for a trip to Italy, and two weeks after their secret marriage. They married and eventually moved to Italy.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets From the Portuguese (1850), of which the line "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways", verse XLIII, has since become one of poetry's best-known, was written during their courtship and early marriage and is about her dramatic romance with Browning, and how he helped her save herself from a life of sickness and isolation. They remained in Italy for fifteen years, until Elizabeth died in her husband's arms on June 29, 1861.

Why am I writing about all of this? I couldn't just let the day pass without mentioning something, in some way, about Valentine's Day. And what I've shared with you just happened to pop into my mind.

Anyways, Happy Valentine's Day to all of my friends out there!

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Do you remember your most special Valentine's Day? Feel free to tell the world about it, right here on our Love Forum! No Valentine today? Tell us that as well... maybe you'll just find one here.

And before I forget, LulaBell Fontaine, twin sister of Monique of Monique's Home House Calls, Stucco Siding and Mall, wants to send out special Valentine wishes to all of the loves in her life... which is just about the entire male population of Mollytown.

Extra! Extra! Valentine News


Survey: U.S. ADULTS KISS FIVE TIMES A DAY

NEW YORK, Feb. 13 (UPI) --

U.S. adults pucker up an average of five times every day, with French kissing the preferred smooching style, according to a survey. More than 2,200 men and women between the ages of 18 and 34 participated in the U.S. survey conducted by Directive Analytics for Close-Up Toothpaste.

There is more to kissing than simply locking lips, said Michael Christian, author of The Art of Kissing. A single kiss communicates emotion, romance, desire, spontaneity ... a kiss can even express feelings of friendship or familial love."

Despite locker room bravado, most men say their first kiss occurred between the ages 16 and 18 and more than 4 of 5 men couldn't wait for their next kiss. Before they marry, U.S. males kiss an average of 24 women, the survey found. The average American woman was 14 years old when she experienced her first romantic kiss.

Not getting enough kisses? The survey found more than 80 percent identified bad breath as the ultimate turn-off.

So are you getting your 5 kisses a day?
13 February 2005

The Answerman Cometh - Part Six


G

ood Morning! It's a beautiful day here in Houston, the sun is shining, the smell of spring is in the air. Let's get right down to work. You already know what day it is... that's why you're here... I hope.

I hope it's not for the free money I promised in order to get my hit counter up higher. I'd hate to think y'all were just fair weather friends.




First question...


Dear Denny: Where the hell would we all be if there was no such thing as a Blog? Signed Wandering Aimlessly, Iona


Dear Iona: It's funny you ask this question. Just the other night I was looking through my scrap book. I began to ponder where I would be if I hadn't started blogging. I would have finished surgery school at the Acme Brain Surgery School... I remember it as if it were yesterday. We were just heading into a class where I would have gotten to cut open my first brain.


We were all gathered around the table... my fellow students waiting for me to pull the sheet off which was covering the cadaver. I slowly pulled it back, inch by inch... there on the table was the most beautiful women I had ever seen... Her blue eyes staring off into space. Stark naked before us. My eyes and mind took her in completely... all of her... laying there nakedly gorgeous in body and features... I heard a voice in the distance calling to me... "Dr. Denny? Dr. Denny?" "Yes sweetheart? I'm standing right next to you." I answered. "Dr. Denny, wake up..." I focused and it was the nurse next to me... she brought me back to reality. It was at that very moment I took my scalpel and threw it on the floor and shouted: "I can't do this, I want to be a GYN Specialist!" I stormed out and never looked back. However before I got to enroll in GYN School, I discovered Blogging.... and Viola! Here I am in a blog-world. Now back to your situation... if there were no Blogs, I think you would have made an excellent photographer...

Moving along...


Dear Denny: What exactly are the effects of catnip on a cat? Does it really get them stoned? Signed Looking for a new high, KC


Dear Friend in Perpetual Dark Glasses: What exactly are the effects, you ask... Well, for this question I had to stop by and see my friend in Mollytown, Dr. Richard "Big Dick" Rambolewski. He's called Big Dick because his son, Richard Jr. is Little Dick. Dr. Dick is the town's answer to a major hospital. He's the town physician, vet and psychiatrist. Anyway, I stopped in his office. There was a woman with a cat that appeared to have only 3 legs. She was holding a freezer bag with what looked like a fourth leg. The poor little kitty was sitting there trying to scratch behind her ear... with a non-existant leg. Hmmmm... Next to her was a guy holding his chest and breathing heavy. I also noticed he really needed to get in the sun more often... he was really white.


Dr. Dick came out and saw me and called me right into his office. Right to the head of the line, I was honored. The guy turning blue didn't notice me and the lady with ol peg leg was trying to scratch the cats head with the thing in the baggie. I presented the question to him. He leaned back and said: "To be perfectly honest it goes way beyond the euphoria... it actually makes them horny... very horny. Ever notice them rubbing against your leg? They don't love you... they're trying to get off. And now there are people huffing the stuff... same effects... catnip junkies. You want to score with a girl? Slip her a catnip cocktail..." Amazing... so simple. I thanked the Doc and left. On the way out I noticed the guy that was holding his chest was soundly sleeping now, hardly moving... poor guy just needed a rest, a long rest. Anyway KC, my question to you is: Have any catnip laying around? Have a camera for your computer? Gonna be alone tonight? Getting my drift? Sigh...

Next Exhausting Question...


Dear Denny: If you have a lousy meal at a restaurant, but the service is good, do you give a good tip? If the service is lousy but the food is good, did you leave a smaller tip? Can you tip the cook? Signed Made of money magicfingers


Dear made of money: I didn't even have to think about who to ask this question. While I was having coffee with Monique of Monique's Home House Calls, Stucco Siding and Shopping Mall late last night, who walks in but Emma Pickens-Pickens, ex-wife of the Pickens brothers. Emma runs the Molly Town Bar & Grille over on Dolly Street. "Hell yes! You tip everybody if the service is good. And especially if you plan on coming back often to the place, I'd would definitely tip the cook.


You don't want him hearin' you went and tipped everyone exceptin' him... Good Lord Answerman, you don't want anything "extra crunchy" in your salad... know what I mean?" I shook my head. Personally, I think you are tipping your waitress for her service... is she nice and courteous? brings the food in a timely manner?... shows enough cleavage? it's not her fault if the food is crappy... you don't shoot the messenger. laugh Well, some food for thought there magic...

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

After reading your postings about publishing the girls blog address, here it is: Take Me Away

Extra! Extra! This Just In...

Saudi Arabia bans Valentine's Day

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia, Feb. 13 (UPI)


Saudi Arabia's religious police announced Sunday it has banned any celebration of Valentine's Day, deeming it as a pagan holiday. A police source said Muslims are not to be involved in any pagan and Christian holidays.

He warned the religious police, estimated at 5,000 members, would be visiting commercial districts, hotels, restaurants and public parks across the kingdom to ensure Valentine's Day was not observed in any manner.

The police source, who insisted on anonymity, added religious authorities would confiscate all products that could be deemed as Valentine gifts, including red roses and cards.

He said Saudi Arabian shop owners were told last week to get rid of their red roses, red clothing and anything else that implies celebration of this day.

What the hell kind of government would ban something as harmless as Valentine's Day? I guess wearing the green and St. Patty's Day will be next.

12 February 2005

Suicide, A Really Bad Solution?


Y

esterday I went on a Blog where the writer, a girl, I assume in her early 20's flat out stated she was going to commit suicide... yesterday. I really don't mean to be morbid on my blog but I've been thinking about this girl and her statements. I'm not going to publish her blog address simply because I don't want to give her a forum.

I Hate To Get Serious... but...

At any rate... she said she was depressed because she couldn't get in touch with her boyfriend. She didn't go into a lot of detail about her mental state. Basically, just a good-bye posting:
-----------------------------
Monday, February 07, 2005
0 more days
(she counted down the days on her postings)
Im sorry everyone, but I cant take it any more. I did find out that Jon will be back next week, but I still feel like Im going to do something wrong when he comes back so I dont know what to do. I feel like this is the only thing that I can do. Im soo sorry I dont want to do this to you all, but I am. This is my final notice. I love you all so much. Goodbye (Then she signed her name)

-----------------------------
I'm not sure whether or not to believe her. Is she really going to do it or just saying that she is, to drive up blog visits... I did go back just a minute ago to check on things... no posting... I think that people who advertise the suicide thing first usually don't want to end it all... and sub-consciously they are asking for help. Right or Wrong?

She went on to say in another posting:
------------------------------
Sunday, February 6,2005
8 more days
Something happened and if he is not alright Im sorry to tell you all but I wont be here anymore. Im going to attempt to call him tomarrow night and if I dont get a hold of him then I dont know what Im going to do. Every fucking time I truely care about someone, they end up dying. ALWAYS and Emily killed herself last night also to top things off. So I seriously dont know what the fuck Im going to do. I have almost all the pills I need so it will not take to long.


And another:
------------------------------
Wednesday, February 2, 2005
Well, this is yet another journal that I shall attempt to have without my parents finding. They tend to find just about every single one that I have. ...I mean im fat, ugly, stupid, and every other bad thing in the book.

------------------------------

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

What's your take on this? Is suicide ever, in any case, an acceptable solution? If this is sensationalism, then I don't want to publish her Blog address, simply because she is sitting there watching the hit counter go up. If, however, this is true, then she won't be reading anyone's comments. If you really, REALLY want the Blog address, email me and I'll send it to you.

Don't Forget!

Leave your burning questions in the comment section today and the Answerman will try to answer them tomorrow!

11 February 2005

My Cousin's Wedding


W

ill I get invited this time? I doubt it... I wasn't invited the last time he got married either. Last time cousin Charley got married I really wanted to go... bad! I really liked his first wife. This time I can't stand the woman he's been dating, and now finally plans on marrying in early April. A spring wedding... how romantic... blah! There were always whispers that cousin Charley was fooling around on his first wife... but you know how families gossip.!

What Excuse Will They Come Up With This Time For Not Inviting Me?

That whole side of the family has been screwed up for a long time.

Believe it or not... Talk about keeping it in the family. Charlie's great-great grandfather Ed had an affair with his new bride to be's great grandmother Alice... a long time ago. Anyway, Charlie filed for divorce from his first wife around 1996. The very next year the poor thing was killed in an automobile accident... very tragic. They had two young children. I'm not sure what the boys really think about their father getting married again. They can't possibly be happy. I'm not, I don't think too many people are happy about this marriage. I guess this April I'll be sitting here in Texas and not going to the wedding. I'm sure the wedding which will be a big blown up affair in the town where they live, will be in the newspapers... I can see the headlines now: Prince Charles weds Camilla Parker Bowles. Yep, good old Charlie, my extremely close 20th cousin will stand at the altar as his bride-to-be takes that long walk down the aisle and into history as if everything is right in the world. Laugh... Even though we're 20th cousins, we've never laid eyes on each other and never will... I had fun writing this one. Also I am happy that these two are too old to consider having any children... and that's all I'm saying on that subject. laugh

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Any thoughts on this impending marriage? I really, really want to hear at least 40 thoughts. laugh. And if you've been invited, please don't tell me.

Extra Comment

WOW! I want to thank everyone who stopped by yesterday and those that posted. It was a banner day all around 277 total visitors and 37 posts... the best ever!! (I know, I know Amanda... I just couldn't resist this)I don't know if it was the subject matter or luck of the wheel... now I have a new goal to beat. laugh

Extra Extra Comment

Our dear friend sumo is celebrating her birthday today! I'm sure we all join in and say Happy Birthday!

Extra Extra Extra Comment

You know what today is, don't you? Yes, it's Friday which means Sunday is just around the corner. And Sunday is when the Answerman answers all of your pent up questions. So beginning today through tomorrow, please leave your question and it will be answered on Sunday. Whether or not you get the right answer to your question is of no consequence... laugh

09 February 2005

Blog Censorship...


D

id any of you happen to catch the ABC Evening News with Peter Jennings last night? One of his stories was about Blogging and people getting fired from their jobs!

What? I'm Fired? Just wait until I write about this on my Blog!

Heather Armstrong, knows only too well the situation as she was fired from her job for writing about her company even though she didn't use their name. Another guy worked for a large retail outlet...(Bmart, Kmart, Smart.. something like that I forget now) wrote about them and was fired. Then there was the little blog that featured a girl in sexy positions while still in her uniform for a major airlines. laugh She gave a little extra in the "coffee, tea or me" department, plus she modeled inside the company's airplane... then put the pics on her blog. All of these blogs were written in off hours, not during the work day. There are all kinds of ways to hide situations so you don't get in trouble. For example:

Let's see... I know a guy that use to work for a major major national food chain, but they went bankrupt and he was out of work. Another guy I know worked for a Canadian newspaper that closed up shop and went back to Canada... then ummm another guy I know worked for a court system but they are still operating and too many powerful people there... he would feel hunted. Then another ummm guy tried to sell life insurance... geez, so many people ducked him on the streets. Then finally another guy whose last and final job was as marketing director for a resort on an island off the coast of Belize in the Carribbean. I just know he would love to write about this last position, but I'm sure he would probably end up in jail. To give you a quick idea of the type of people that owned it... This un-named individual had a heart attack... got out of the hospital, went back to work and got a letter that "changes were being made" and he was fired being let go. Great "welcome back we missed you" surprise.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

What do you think about people that get fired from their positions for writing about their companies on their Blogs? Do Blogs come under the 1st Amendment? Do Blogs foster anti-social behavior?

And Finally...

Has anyone checked out our Guest Contributors and Advisors to the Answerman over on the left side of this Blog? You need to click on the "Click Here" (No, don't Click Here... click Click Here... over there is where you Click Here, not Here.. but There...) link underneath so you will get to see the other residents that I'll call on from time to time seeking their advice. Let me know what you think.

Today Is The Day...


T

hat candymakers all over the world go into a semi-slump. Lent is upon us... the days leading up to Easter where you're supposed to give up something you like. This year Lent has competition... Valentine's Day... the day that tons and tons of candy exchange hands all over the planet. What a dilemma!!

What Are You Giving Up?

I've tried to sacrifice... honest I have. My problem is that I have slight flaw in my "I promise to give up for Lent" plan. I never keep the promise. Oh, I've tried... things like giving up: candy, being bad, dessert, getting married, and the list goes on and on ad nauseum. And I have failed miserably each time. Why is it when you give up something like candy, it tastes soooooo good when you break your Lenten promise? This is very similar to when we Catholics couldn't eat meat on Friday. My first venture into the darkside happened on a Friday night at Connie Mack Stadium in Philly. That hot dog tasted soooo good. I'm still not sure if I commited a sin though... I don't think those hot dogs had any meat in them.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

So then... what are you giving up for Lent? Will you keep that promise? And for my non-Christian friends who don't observe Lent... what kind of candy do you like? Alternate Question: What's the best Valentine's gift you ever received? And an Alternate Question for my non-Christian friends: So, what kind of candy do you like?

Blatant Advertising

For all of you cassanova-wannabes, don't forget that Valentine's Day is just about here. You still have time to scroll down to the Mezzanine level at Monique's Mall and order flowers for your sweetheart.

Free advice: if you do send her/him flowers from Monique's Mall... there is something you definitely do not want to give up for Lent... if you know what I mean.
08 February 2005

DaVinci Was a Jokester...


A

fter all these years I thought I had seen it all... but what I saw late last night nearly made me fall off my chair in amazement. I layed in bed this morning and thought about it. So sad... I need a girlfriend to keep my mind occupied. Anyway...

Ol' Leo loved a good joke!

I came across an article about the painting of The Last Supper... we've all seen it right? Probably very few people have not seen the famous painting by Leonardo DaVinci... but the question is: Did you ever really look at it? I thought I had... until today that is.

I did a capture and paste but you may not be able to see it. Go find a picture of the Last Supper. Starting from the left count over 3 people. Bartholomew, James Minor and Andrew Now go down the body of Andrew and stop at the table... there it is... In plain view is an arm, coming out of nowhere and a hand holding a knife. It's almost threatening in nature to Andrew who is holding both hands up in the air as if being "held up". The arm doesn't belong to any of the other Apostles as all of their arms and hands are accounted for in the painting. The official explanation for Andrew's hands being held up is that he is reacting to Jesus' statement that one among them would betray Him.

I've tried to put half of the Last Supper here to give you an idea. I've high-lighted the area for you.


Enlargement: Now why have I never noticed this before?



And the other half: I didn't want to take the chance of the other half of the table feeling slighted... especially "you know who"



This is not a doctored painting... look at only the original version of the Last Supper by DaVinci... and there will be that one arm sticking out of nowhere and the hand holding the knife. But remember, there are a lot of versions out there... it must be the one by DaVinci, the original.

Now I rarely ever go to the townspeople of Mollywood except for Sundays when the Answerman answers your questions, however I called "Slim" Pickens this morning. I needed a professional and I asked his expert opinion on this question d' art. Slim you might know is the town art critic and knowledgeable on matters like this one. He runs the Fruit and Vegetable stand on the outskirts of town.

"Morning there Answerman... you'd be surprised how many times I'm asked this same question... at least once a month. But here ya go, one more time... there are several schools of thought here. On one side you have people that obviously think this hand is associated with Peter - the guy in purple who is leaning over to talk to "Mary" / John. The Mary thing is another entire subject ya know. The reason, historically, that Peter would have had the knife is that in a later scene, at the Garden the guards come to take Jesus away. Peter defends Jesus with this knife. So in the storyline, Peter has the knife because he knows danger is coming and he is prepared for it. He is trying to warn Mary/John about that danger, and she/he is listening calmly."

I sat here mesmerized by Slims explanations, listening to every word on the phone. He continued, "Art critics who have studied the painting say it's not the arm of Peter because of the angle it is portrayed and it has different clothing than anyone else in the painting. In order for it to be Peter's arm, he would have had to contort it... a lot! Leonardo had been thrown in the pokey by the church many times for his behavior. Seems Leon and the Pope had a love/hate thing goin on. Anyways, the ole boy, was not exactly in tune with church doctrine, and felt strongly that the people should have more power. Some say this hand-and-knife shows the power the church had at this time in history - especially in da Vinci's native Italy - and their ability to control what was said. People could easily be killed for speaking out against the church. So Answerman that's the story in a nutshell."

I thanked Slim and hung up. You can read about "Slim" and his neighbors over on the left side of this blog by clicking on the -more- thing under Advisors.

I checked on another site about the life of DaVinci:

He began working on it in 1495, and finished The Last Supper in 1498. This is worth noting, Leonardo was a known procrastinator with a marked tendency to leave projects unfinished. Also to note is that Judas is the 4th person from the left and seated at the table. Many paintings have him depicted either as the last Apostle on the left kind of by himself or not even in the painting. DaVinci thought it important to place Judas within close proximity of Jesus. Judas also holds a small bag in his hand... it's assumed the 30 pieces of silver.

The bottom line here is that no one really knows what this all means... only Leonardo knows for sure, and he's not talking...

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

What do you think about this? Have you known about it prior? And if you knew, how come you never told us before now?

07 February 2005

Odds and Ends...


S

igh... What can I say about the game yesterday? I guess I should be glad that the Eagles were even in it... and I am... but they could have won.... on the bright side however... I live in Texas now and not Philly. I can only imagine the misery back home today. Bad enough it's a Monday, but this just makes it worse. There's always next year!

There's always next year...

At any rate... I did get up early again this morning... about 1AM, drank some coffee... then about 2:30 I decided to go back to bed, and to my surprise I fell asleep. It's now 4:30 and I feel like I've wasted half the day... and I hate when that happens.

While I'm thinking about it... over on the left side you'll see a new heading: Guest Contributors and Advisors to the Answerman. Since the Answerman seems to be turning to various friends for advice and answers I thought it interesting to begin a list of names, and tell you a bit of history about the town of Mollywood where they all live. I'll add new names as we go along.

Plus you know what? I have nothing else to say this morning. So guess what?

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

Pretend today's blog was about something really, really interesting... and leave a comment... and if you got here by accident leave a comment also and tell us where you're from and how you got here. It's a good way to begin a friendship. Give it a try!

06 February 2005

Den Besvare menneskene Kommer Skille ad Fem


L

et's say I am trying to make Iona, feel at home with my Danish. I think I said: The Answer Man Comes - Part Five, I'm not sure I said it all right, but then again, who cares, because this is my blog. laugh.

I gathered all of the questions and decided to check with my friend Monique owner of Monique's Home House Calls, and Stucco Siding. When I went into Monique's place, I noticed her twin sister LulaBell hanging a sign that said, "Tonight Only, Two for One"

I never ask personal questions of Monique so I didn't even go there. Monique and I sat in a booth by the window and studied the questions.

The first probing question comes all the way from the Netherlands...


Dear Answerman: Why do you suppose men are not interested in the household? I mean, doesn't a man enjoy a nice clean home just as much as a woman does?
Signed Always cleaning, Iona


Dear Iona: Of course a man is interested in a household. When he comes home from a hard day at the office, he expects to see a nice, clean household... that's where you come into the picture. I kinda knew the answer but I wanted to make sure... so I turned to my long time friend, Monique, of Monique's Home House Calls and Stucco Siding. "Now Answerman honey, you know my daddy was a defrocked minister... so I know about things like this..." She said, "When God, in His infinite intelligence created the first human, it was the boss... a man. After a few years, the boss was getting "lonely" if you know what I mean. So the boss said to God one day: "Ya know, I need someone to basically help me... you know... to boss around... I can't do this all alone" That's when God created... you guessed it... a woman. Now God being the practical joker that He is, took a rib from the boss to create woman, and Answerman, we've been a pain in a mans' side since day 1..."

One of the many attributes that a man looks for in a sophisticated woman, much like yourself Iona... is "can she clean and keep house like Mom?" We men don't advertise this of course, but every potential mate goes through a silent evaluation prior to hook-up. You obviously passed the initial test and you don't mind cleaning for your man... How do I know? Because on your blog you state, and I quote verbatim, "...married to a wonderful Finnish guy." Monique went on babbling something about the famous or infamous, Red Light District, known the world over that's located in Amsterdam. I butted in and told her that would have to wait until another time. Now, Iona, need I say more? And I hope this clears the situation up for you. Snif, snif... are there cookies burning?

Next question...


Dear Answerman: Why is the superbowl held on Sunday evening instead of Saturday evening?Signed Football widow, MilkMaid

Dear MilkMaid: Dear, dear Milkmaid: It HAS to be held on a Sunday... the day, afterall, is called Super Bowl Sunday.. duh... it would sound really stupid to hold the game on Saturday night and call it Super Bowl Sunday... now wouldn't it?



Moving right along...


Dear Answerman: What exactly is a "pileworm"?Signed NowDanny,

Dear Now Danny: This is a trick question, right? As in: Fisherman #1: Hey, where's those worms? Fisherman #2: Right over there in that pile o' worms. I asked Monique about pileworms... she replied, "well a few years ago I had piles, but not with worms, just regular piles." Ummm... thanks Monique. Just then Floyd from "Floyd's Filling Station and Chicken Emporium" walked in to Moniques. "Howdy Floyd!" Floyd walked over and sat down. I asked him about pileworms. He sat back, took a deep breath and finally said, "well now... I'm an avid fishrerman, ya know... been fishin' these parts for nearly 30 years now... and I know my pileworms. Now these little buggers are also called: clam worm (genus Nereis) and any of a group of mostly marine or shore worms of the class Polychaeta (phylum Annelida). A few species live in fresh water. Other common names include mussel worm, pileworm, and sandworm. Rag worms vary in length from 2.5 to 90 cm (1 inch to 3 feet); they are commonly brown, bright red, or bright green. Rag worms are perhaps the most highly developed of the annelids." I thanked Floyd for his more than enough thoughts on pileworms. And Danny, for asking this question, which was chosen as our Question of the Week... you're being sent a pound of fresh pileworms.... courtesy of The Answerman.

and finally from KC...


Dear Answerman: I would owe you my first born child ( and give it to you quite freely, most likely)!!
Im really curious to know the history of the condom.. where it originated... the inventor... ancient methods of use... Signed Always Prepared, KC

Dear KC: Once again I had to turn to my condom expert Monique from Monique's Home House Calls, Stucco Siding and Shopping Mall Conglomerate. "I hate dose little buggers ya know. But nowadays honey you really need them. As a matter of fact, maybe I should run a sale on them. I could categorize them... So Tiny I Can't See It, Normal, Large, Extra Large and Don't You Be Bringing That Thing Near Me sizes." "Monique sweetie? My question?" "Oh yeah right... well they were invented by an ancestor of Mr. Johnson of Johnson's Party Favors and All Night BBQ. Back in old, ancient Egyptian days, Pharoah al Hassad Johnson was having a birthday party and needed balloons. But that's a long story that failed. Years later, a pharoah named Mr. Ramses was having a really bad year.. if ya know what I mean. He needed something for protection. Now one day he called upon his scribes and said, "enough is enough... 108 screaming kids is enough. The scribes remembered the old story of pharoah Johnson... they had an idea and the rest was history." "Monique where do you get your information? You are one smart cookie sweetie."

And as a note to KC... thanks for the offer of giving me your first born... but honey... keep your condom mistakes to yourself.

Random Thoughts

I'd like to pause here for a second and say thanks to our new sponsor... Monique of Monique's Home House Calls and Stucco Siding In an effort to reach out to the masses, Monique has purchased the My Anything But Normal Shopping Mall and renamed it "Monique's Home House Calls, Stucco Siding and Shopping Mall.

The mall is located on the left side of this blog and down a little ways. Please join with me in congratulating Monique on her new venture.

Don't be afraid to spend a few dollars... Monique would appreciate it... and so would I.
04 February 2005

Know what today is?...


J

ust because I like you... that's why I got up at this un-godly hour and wrote my blog. I want it nice and fresh for when you get here.

If it's Saturday, then it must be time for...?

At any rate... I am pretty psyched interested about the Super Bowl tomorrow in Jacksonville. Why? Because the Eagles are finally going to play. I'm not a football fanatic but I'm glad they're playing. As you know I am originally from Philly and this game is a rarity.

Burning Questions

I used the word "un-godly"at the beginning of this post. Should the G be capitalized or not? Second question: Who do you want to win the Super Bowl, if anyone tomorrow?

Random Thoughts

Did you notice I used the "J" today? Now I'm down to 9 letters.

But all of that is not why I am excited. To answer the headline question...Do you know what today is? Yes, I know what day it is!! It's Saturday and it's time for your questions to the Answerman! Leave your questions and I'll answer them tomorrow!

Can you stump me? Now ask me fairly normal questions... not like: Do you know what color panties my Aunt Zelda was wearing when she was hit by that beer truck? I already know that Zelda was wearing white, granny panties with a rip at the waist-band.




The score so far: Me: 13 You: 0 But who's counting...

Anywhere in the World?...


C

leaning out a closet yesterday, I came across a box of photos that I had taken on my last trip to Belize. This small country, then known as British Honduras, was formerly owned by Great Britain and attained independence in the 80's.

Now where is that passport?

I've been down to Belize a dozen or so times since 1990. But this article isn't about Belize per se... it's about traveling. I've been pretty much all over the world with the exception of a few places.


I enjoy visiting other countries... I especially enjoy Europe... all of the history... seeing places and things most people only have read about in history or geography books. I just wish I had a digital camera back then... would have been much easier than having tons of film to be developed.


Recent passport photo to the right.


I'm starting to get that old itch. I haven't been anywhere in a long time and I need to go somewhere... not sure where yet. I'd like to visit a country where I've never been to before. But it seems all the places I want to visit have some kind of trouble... either tsunami, earthquakes, civil war... plague of locusts, whatever. I'd really like to visit Iraq, southern Iraq to be exact where historians and explorers of antiguity believe the Garden of Eden was located... I think that trip, however, is on hold for a bit. Another place would be the pyramids and walk through the tombs of the pharoahs. But again I'd be a nervous wreck until my plane reached American soil again.


Geez, it looks like National Geographic might be my only safe escape. Hmmmm... I wonder if National Geographic still has those "special" pictures and articles on deepest Africa in the back of their magazine? laugh

Burning Questions

So I guess my question for today is: Where would you like to go on vacation, if money were no object and why? or, where is the coolest place you've ever visited?

Random Thoughts

F

or some reason I decided to look at the capital letters I use to open each article and the number of times I've used them. So far, I've used:
A-2, B, C-2, D-2, E, F-3, H-2, I-3, M, N-2, O-2, P-3, S, T-4, W-4, Y-5
You are an obsessive person, and more screwed up than I am if, you went back and re-counted my letters to make sure I didn't make a mistake.

So far I haven't used:
G, J, K, L, Q, R, U, V, X, Z

So therefore, my goal for the year is to use those letters I haven't used yet to open each article. God I need a life, really, really bad!

03 February 2005

Dammit, I Knew I Forgot Something...


Y

esterday I decided that I had better get to the supermarket and pick up a few things. I only really needed two items. Coffee and dishwashing machine stuff.

Now what did I come in here for?

I never make a grocery list, but I should. This is happening all too much now... The strawberries looked great so I got a pkg... stopped by the Deli and got some roast beef and cheese... went past the bakery and got a couple fresh "everything" bagels. This went on for about a half hour, up and down different aisles getting items I really needed... (yeah right, like I really needed a new Air Wick thing) I walked around to the front of the store and there was no one at the cashier booth. "wow" I thought. "I better go through now and get out of here" As I was standing there I said to the cashier, "ya know... I can't remember what I came in for..." All the time while she rang up my items, for the life of me, I couldn't remember... driving home, I couldn't remember... putting the items away, not a clue.

To make a long story short, I woke up at 2AM this morning, I bounced out of bed... ok, ok... I slowly made my way to the kitchen to make... you guessed it... coffee. Wanna guess what I forgot at the supermarket? Glancing over at the trash, just for a really brief moment I thought about yesterdays' grinds, all wrapped up sitting in there somewhere.

I actually had to get dressed and go to the all night Walgreen's around the corner. Shopping at 2AM isn't one of my favorite things to do... I could tell that working at Walgreen's at 2AM was not the clerks idea of fun either. No cheerful "welcome to Walgreen's", nor was there a "thanks for shopping at Walgreen's, come again" All I got was a plain old "$3.79 please" Plus, I was missing out on important blogging time.

Random Thoughts and Questions

My questions for today are: When you go grocery shopping, do you use coupons? and if not, then why not? or, do you have any humorous, or better yet... any deep, down, dark salacious shopping experiences that you want to get off your chest?

Today is the Day...

that the music died... 3 February 1959... a small plane carrying Buddy Holly, J.P. "the Big Bopper" Richardson, and Ritchie Valens, crashed in a snow storm near Mason City, Iowa. The 4th person killed was the pilot, Roger Peterson, of Clear Lake, Iowa.