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16 May 2005

Take a tip...


rom me... If you ever have a stroke and find yourself in need of walking with a cane... do not, repeat, DO NOT ever try and walk without it. Now I do go without it when I am in the apartment. If I need to grab something, which is rare, I always have something: a sofa, chair, pole lamp....

Yesterday I was feeling pretty good and decided to go grocery shopping. I felt sooooo good as a matter of fact... I decided to go without my four-legged cane... you know, just in case I saw a gorgeous female shopping. I wanted to make sure she saw me, but not with a walking aid. I got to the supermarket, parked my car... in a normal parking spot and not the handicapped one. Got out and proceeded to the entrance.

Lo and behold here comes a gorgeous, beautiful, really hot ok, she was a female. I smiled, she smiled. "Beautiful day..." she commented. "Yes, it is", I replied in my best Clark Gable voice. She sauntered past me. MMmMMmM I could smell "Este" in the air. I turned to watch her walk to her car.

Then it happened...

I tripped and fell flat on my face... I mean really tripped and fell on my face. The only thing that saved me from a broken nose was the fact that my knees both hit the pavement at the same time. Luckily no one saw me... or if they did, no one ran to help me up. Which is fine with me.

I got up and looked down. There were two identical bruises, one on each knee. Blood pouring out of each of them. Being the analytical and fast thinking person I am, I looked down and said: "Holy crap!... I'm going to bleed to death right here."

I looked around and saw no one in sight. Back into my car I went. Why did I park in that far away non-handicapped spot. After what seemed to be a really long hike, I got back to the safety of my car. Stinging, stinging, stinging... drip, drip, drip... squirt, squirt, squirt. By the time I got home and parked and got out of the blood-mobile I looked down. It looked like I was walking on amputated legs... it looked as though my legs just returned from a guest appearance in a Nightmare on Elm Street movie.

"Please God, don't let anyone see me and I'll donate heavily this Sunday to the church of your choice."

Once inside the comfort of my apartment I performed emergency aid to my knees. Caution: Do not try and tend to brusied legs while trying to put your foot up on the bathroom vanity. It doesn't work. Anyway, I managed to get everything under control... knees bandaged... I didn't know whether or not to hobble or limp... crawling on my knees was definitely out. I got to the sofa and that's where I pretty much spent the day.

Lessons Learned

Never, ever look at a female with dirty thoughts in your mind while walking.

Burning Questions and Random Thoughts

What's the most stupid, non-life threatening accident you ever had? (The more embarrassing, the better)

My Luck Continues

I'd like to thank my former friend Restless Angel for providing me with this link. I feel so complete now.

The Death Card
You are the Death card. Death is a stage in the
cycle of life. Without death, there would be no
room for new things to grow. When you receive
the Death card in a tarot reading, fear not;
Death is only an indication that transformation
is about to occur. Death allows us all to
evolve by removing that which is no longer
needed. The end of one cycle makes way for a
new one. Old behaviours and patterns which have
tied us down are released. Death cleans house
so that we don't have needless drains on our
energy. In Death's ruthless destruction there
lies compassion. Image from: Danielle Sylvie

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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