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13 June 2005

Monday Travelogue - The Hooker


A

s promised in last Monday's travelogue I said that I would write about my trip to Naples... more specifically "the hooker". As you can imagine I had to clean this story up a lot. This event took place many years ago while I was in the Navy and a mere innocent young lad.

After an agonizing month at sea we were glad to be pulling into one of the coolest cities in the world, Naples, Italy. The birthplace of Pizza! We would have been better off had we stuck with the pizza. Anyway, I always looked at the guys on our ship as being on one side or the other. Meaning? Well on one side were the guys that owned all kinds of sophisticated camera equipment, were bent on taking that perfect picture of items and places of interest while on our cruises. Would spend days mapping out the points of interest to visit while in a forgeign port. Then there was my group. These were the guys that you always seen in the movies... the drunks, the guy always in fistfights... in jail, laying drunk in the street... genuinely embaressing themself and the USA. That was us... the party guys.

Being new in town we weren't familiar with all of the points of interest, but we had a great Captain and he put out a map of Naples to show us where things were. Right in the middle of the map was a large red box, out-lining a section of the city and in big red letters he wrote: "Pig Allee" You shouldn't go here" Well geez Capt'n, why not just draw us a map? Laugh. So off we go, straight for Pig Allee. After a few hours of enjoying the liquid refreshments of Naples we were approached by a gorgeous and I do mean absolutely, drop-dead gorgeous young Italian woman. For legal reasons, let's say she was 21. And she asked the right question, "You guys wanna have some fun?" Being sailors, we understood the foreign phrase "some fun" Ahem.

Off we went, the 5 of us... following her every footstep. Me? I was enjoying the fragrance of her perfume. Intoxicating. Finally we arrived at her house and she took us in and sat us on the sofa. She said "15 dollars each" We couldn't get the money out quick enough. She told us to sit on the sofa and wait to be called from upstairs, and out the front door she went. We sat their patiently waiting. Finally we heard that angelic voice call from upstairs... "ok, number 1" I was number 2, and was drunk enough not to care. No. 1 got up and walked up the rounded steps. He wasn't up there long at all... I don't even think 5 minutes. He came down, said, "unbelievable" and walked straight out the front door. It was my turn!! Yippeee! When I got to the top of the stairs I could see her laying naked on the bed. Holy Crap! The original girl was not there, instead this woman had to be at least 500 lbs and 100 years old... the only thing thicker than my head was her makeup. As it turns out the gorgeous girl was pimping for her grandmother. "Hi cutie" came the voice from the naked woman laying on the bed. No way... absolutely no way was I going through with this. I'll spare you the entire description. I turned around and walked in a stupor back downstairs. The remaining guys looked at me and said: "wow, you're done already?" I couldn't answer and walked outside while No. 3 excitedly anticipated his turn.... number 4 was already getting undressed.

Once outside I saw No. 1. We saw each other and started laughing... laughing so much we fell into the street laughing. One by one this same scenario was replayed until we were all outside. Once outside, we all admitted nothing was accomplished. Then out of nowhere the gorgeous girl appeared and asked if something was wrong. To make a long story short, she told us that she was the pimp and her grandmother was the "working girl".

Oh we got screwed that night, but not quite the way we were thinking. Laugh... Yes, a night to remember.

Observations and Questions

I'm not even sure there is an appropriate question for this subject. Why not switch the table and you ask me a question. About anything. Laugh

Next Monday's Travelogue

Naples, Pompeii and Vesuvius

Today's Birthday

In 1892 Basil Rathbone Johannesburg S Africa, actor (Sherlock Holmes)

Gentle Reminder of the Day

Come on gang... just a few more... let's go! Some of you promised you would this week! I'm waiting. And don't forget the postcard club... it's not over yet.

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