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23 February 2006

AL GORE INVENTED THE INTERNET BUT I INVENTED THE JAWS OF LIFE: ANOTHER GREAT IDEA STOLEN


H

onestly... we all know that ABC Nightly News regularly "lifts" stories for their Nightly News from my blog. I happened to be on the Peanut Queen's blog yesterday and I wrote a short story about the invention of the Jaws of Life. She suggested I share it with the world... So here it is in all of its' horror of how I once again contributed and someone stole my idea.

It was way back when I was about 5 or 6 years old. Monday started out like any otyher day... nice weather, the ice cream man riding around on his bike/cart selling cones and popcicles. Even the horseradish man was riding around in his truck and making fresh horseradish for folks. And yours truly was outside playing 'army' by myself which was normal because I didn't have many friends growing up... and in a minute you'll understand why no one was allowed to play with me.

Back then you had to use your imagination a lot. While playing army I decided I needed a helmet. The only thing I had was a metal sand bucket, the kind that kids would take to the beach because plastic buckets hadn't been invented yet.

I put the 'helmet' on my head and in order to get a snug fit, I pulled it down as far as I could and slipped the little metal handle under my chin. This created a slight problem that I didn't forsee... actually, I couldn't forsee anything. In the process I had pulled the bucket down over my eyes also... and having 'snugly' pulled the handle under my chin, I couldn't get it off either.

Now, imagine if you will... a 6 year old standing on the pavement... with a metal bucket pulled over his head and eyes... and crying. No matter how hard I struggled I couldn't get that damn handle from under my chin. I think by now my head was starting to swell from lack of oxygen or something. As I wandered around walking into telephone poles, parked cars... walking into dog poop... I was getting panicky... After what seemed like an eternity I swore I could hear the faint sound of a fire engine... racing to a fire. It was getting louder. And louder, until it seemed to be right next to me. It was...

Because the bucket was also over my ears, I could barely make out the fireman saying: "you know kid, you are a dumbass." They rummaged around for a bit in the tool box looking for pliers or anything that could help getting the bucket off my head. Later in life I realized how lucky I was that jackhammers hadn't been invented yet.

Finally, they found a pair of tin snips. Squeezing the tin snips between my cheek and the bucket handle they cut the handle. Pop! the bucket flew off my head. I could breathe.... I had been saved.

Years later I saw on the news about fireman using the Jaws of Life to get someone out of a smashed car. I was taken back to the bucket incident and it dawned on me. That fireman went home that night and invented the Jaws of Life. So indirectly I must be responsible for saving millions of lives all over the planet.

If everyone that has been saved by my invention would send me $5 in the mail... well you know...

Observations and Questions
Has anyone stolen your ideas and made a fortune?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1649, John Blow, composer of 1st English opera (Venus & Adonis). And in our death notices we have in 1965, Stan Laurel, comedian (Laurel & Hardy), dies in California of heart attack at 74.
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