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13 February 2006

FORGET LOVE POTIONS... EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS AT YOUR GROCERS


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hat's right folks... every single thing you need to enhance your ailing love life is right at the local supermarket. As you know, I scour the earth for things to bring you. Valentine's Day is no different. Below are several items... what they are and what you can use them for and feed your loved one tomorrow.



1. Peas, capers and onions can save your marriage. (No, I don't think applying onions there will help anything)

2. Lime, fresh mint and sweet vermouth can induce sexual ecstasy. (Where exactly do you apply the lime?)

3. Cucumbers can help you get even with your ex. (I'm not sure how this one works, but I would be pissed if I knew I was replaced by a cucumber..)

4. Corn silk, olive oil, red wine and matches can help you attract the man/woman of your dreams. ( or at the least a pyro-maniac)

5. Carnations and a bubble bath can heal a heartbreak. (or at the very least give you wrinkled skin)

6. Three magical words can ensure that you find the right mate. ("Help! I'm desparate?")

Observations and Questions
Now when you use these items tomorrow, you must come back and tell us if they worked! Or if you have already used them... did they work?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1944, Jerry Springer, London England, talk show host (Jerry Springer Show). And in our death notices we quietly find in 1980, David Janssen [Meyer], actor (Fugitive), dies at 49.
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