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31 March 2006

A NEW GIMMICK PROMOTIONAL IDEA!


G

immicks? Do you really think I would stoop so low as to come up with a gimmick to keep you coming back to my blog? Actually, since Olga spurned my nude picture, my inquisition on Russian dating practices and all of my love emails, I decided I needed something to keep your interest.

I've come up with a great idea! This could be fun and also a subtle way to tell y'all that I have a new venture underway at The Not So Normal Gift Shop. I'm giving away one thong to one lucky reader. I know, you can't believe it, right? That's right folks, one lucky reader will be wearing one of these beautiful thongs!

How do you get your hands on one? Well, two ways actually. The first way is to buy one at The Not So Normal Gift Shop which is of course the preferred way to get one and guarantees that you do get your hot little body into one. The second way is where our little contest comes in. I need cute, funny or sexy sayings that would befit a thong... I You the bloggers will go through the entries and select whichever one I you think is the best. Not only will that saying be selected, it will also be printed and sent to you as your gift!

Simply leave your wording in the comments section. There are rules... Unfortunately there are some people who specialize in taking the fun out of things, so I have to come up with some basic rules:

Rules, Legalities and Illegalities


1. Leave your normal comments but for your contest entry make sure you start off your comment with: CONTEST ENTRY that way I hopfully won't miss it.

2. Also, you cannot steal a copywrited saying, phrase or logo from any thong/printed matter in existance. If you do and I am caught... you go down also!

3. Any rule not mentioned here but I think of later will automatically be incorporated into the rules of the contest, and not neccessarily posted.

4. All entries may or may not be used by Not So Normal Gift Store and placed on thongs/shirts/etc as I see fit. And you will not be compensated for such.

5. My Your decision on the winner is final and not open to bitching or complaining. (See last minute idea below)

6. The contest will end next Friday, 7 April 2006 at midnight. At that time, submissions submitted after that time will not be accepted, so get them in no later than midnight of Friday, 7 April 2006. I will then put on here all of the submissions and you will vote. (Method to be determined later). The winner will be announced the following during the week of: 10 April 2006.

7. Pay attention, this one could get tricky. Anonymous entries will not be considered. If you don't have a blog and I know you by name, you are still eligible. If you have a name and a ficticious blog, you will not be eligible. If you have a fictitious name but a legitimate blog you might be eligible. Plus any other variation that I may have forgotten, but to be remembered at a later date.

Small Print: Contest is void where prohibited by law and/or religious beliefs. People whose political views prohibit the wearing of thongs may not win the thong. If you live in Russia and your name is Vegakaterina or Olga, you may enter. If you are drunk/on drugs, you may enter but only once. Professional Thong Contest people are not eligible.

Contest disputes will be handled by Bellafuccio and Bellafuccio Brothers, Professional Contest Enforcers Service, of South Philly.

Now name one other blog that will give away a thong to a lucky poster for free? None, that's right folks, only here on the Not So Normal News.

STOP THE PRESSES! LAST MINUTE IDEA! I just got an idea! Why should I take the fall if your saying don't win? I think what I will do is when the contest ends, I will take all of the "sayings" received, put them all on thongs and put all of them right here. And guess what? You people will vote on which one you like best!!! That way the losers will still love me and hate you! Denny you are brilliant!

Observations and Questions
What do you think? Oh, and thong sizes come in Small, Medium and Large. White only, no colors. Good luck! Geez, running a contest is hard work... but you are all worth every minute!

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1499, Pius IV [Gianangelo de' Medici], Italian lawyer and Pope (1559-65). And in our death notices we find in 1995, Selena [Quintanilla Perez], Mexican Grammy winning singer, killed by a fan at 24.
29 March 2006

I DECIDED TO FINALLY GIVE IT A REST


E

nough is enough. I thought that I would give Olga a rest for today and write a normal blog entry. Come on, 7 days of Olga and Russian jokes are enough. But as a joke I was going to have a graphic of a cactus blowing across a barren field, trying to be funny.

I began a search on the internet for a suitable graphic that I could use and make you laugh. I came across a picture that showed the tumbleweed doing exactly what I wanted it to do... Along with the picture of the tumbleweed was the history of the old west tumbleweed. You know the kind I mean, blowing down the street in a deserted ghost town in the wild west.


Tumbleweeds aren't considered as having any redeeming value except for the fact that they are interesting to watch as they tumble around. There are actually people (not many) who harvest tumbleweeds and sell them to other desperate people. As a matter of fact, the City of Chandler, Arizona constructs their official Christmas tree every year from tumbleweeds!

At maturity it breaks off at the base of its' host plant and because it is rounded, it tumbles in the wind. There is a natural purpose to this tumbling--the tumbleweed can produce up to 250,000 seeds, and the tumbling serves to spread those seed wherever it tumbles, guaranteeing that there will be more tumbleweeds in the future.

Okay, enough history... everyone thinks tumbleweeds are native to the southwest of the United States... right? Wrong Tonto! Ok Denny, where do they come from Mr. Shane. Are you sitting down? Good, now get off the chair and lay on the floor because that is where you are going to be when I tell you where tumbleweeds originally come from... have you guessed from where yet?

Some fanfare, please! The tumbleweed comes from, God I can't even say it........ Russia!

Actually, it isn't native to North America at all, but was brought to this country (unintentionally) by Ukrainian Russian farmers. The tumbleweed really is a weed, and its real name is the Russian Thistle.

Tomorrow I might write about the Chinese Food industry in Peking... unless....

Observations and Questions
Is this an omen? I can't get away from Olga and Russia! Laugh The really funny thing is that this morning I go for a Psych visit at the VA. After my skydiving episode the last time, just wait until she hears about this one. lol

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1672 Peter I "the Great" Romanov great Tsar of Russia (1682-1725). And in our death notices we find in 1948, Mahatma Gandhi, assassinated in New Delhi.

IS NO EMAIL, GOOD EMAIL?


W

aking up this morning about a half hour ago, the first thing that popped into my mind was: Will there be email from Olga this morning awaiting me? I jumped out of bed, stumbled into the office, flipped the switch on the computer, went into the kitchen and turned on the coffee... into the bathroom and took a shot of mouthwash. Got my coffee and back into the computer room. "You've Got Mail" cool... it was from a Viagra company... No email from the Borst belt.



As you can see, I have been educating myself, ad naseum.

While looking over the comments from past days, I think there may be some people who think I am deeply affected by Olga's emails. I'm not. I admit it's fun, getting emails from a lonely, horny 27 year old Russian woman, but it's not going anywhere gang. I know that.

First of all there is a huge age difference here. Secondly, a more importantly, my name is Denny Shane, not J.D. Rockefeller. In my research it can cost anywhere from $5,000.00 to $7,500.00, if not more, to go through the whole process and eventually settle down as Mr. and Mrs. in the U.S.

Even though this has been excellent fodder for my blog, I do have to end this whole mess, unless that is if she sends me the requested nude photos of herself ---then all bets are off! But seriously, I am toying with human emotions here... namely mine!

But seriously, I in all honesty can't keep this charade up, it's not me. The truth be known, even though I know the real deal here, there is still a teeny, weensy part of me that wishes it were all on the level and I was 27 again. Who knows, I might be dumb enough to go for it.

But what do I write about on my blog when this subject has run its' course? I have to admit this has been great for comments and visits to my blog... Hmmm... any girls from Bangladesh wanna try out their luck? I am an equal opportunity, international slut. I love females from all over the globe, except that one girl from my Navy days that I met in Panama... I think she was raising crabs. They were all over the place... the bed, on her... ummm, well that's a different blog story I think.

Observations and Questions
Any final comments before I find a way to extradite myself from this torrid love affair?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1917, Man O'War, racehorse (winner of 20 out of 21 races & $249,465). And in the dusty death notices we find in 1996, Maggie Donnelly bag lady, dies at 46.
27 March 2006

I AM A BLOGSITUTE, I AM SO ASHAMED - KINDA/SORTA


Y

es, and sadly I think while this has had a good run, I really do have to end it all... soon. Basically I am a good person and I never knowningly deceive someone. Maybe I am being desperate myself since I've been divorced 6 years now and need female interaction. Yeah I know you're sitting there laughing thinking "oh yeah, this coming from a former politician." But it's true, I swear. Maybe Olga is scamming me, I don't know. I look at her picture and think, this woman is just way too good looking NOT be able to find a guy in Russia. I look at my emails to her, and in particular my photo and I think I've come to a conclusion. I don't think she is reading them.

I've been doing a lot of reading up on Russian dating and "mail-order brides." It's a pathetic picture actually. It seems these women go through a "clearing house" of sorts in Russia. Many do not have computers or even telephones at home... so they go to internet cafes, libraries, etc., and sign up for these "dating services". The girls write their emails and they are sent to the "dating service", cleared by them and then forwarded. Likewise, when the guy writes an email back, the email goes to the "dating service" for "clearance" and then is forwarded to the girl. I noticed that the email I received from Olga yesterday on the 27th was actually sent by her on the 25th. It doesn't take 2 days to get from Russia to Texas. So who knows where it went, first.

Now let's say this is true. Look at my stupid emails. If the "dating service" removes any improper remarks or photos, then that would leave my email to Olga with, "Dear Olga" and that's about all. I am going to assume that Olga is going through one of these places... and it costs her money. And that's where I am beginning to have a problem. I hate to have anyone waste money, especially some poor Russian girl trying to get out of her country the only way she knows how to get out. Shrug.

Plus, I have discovered that when these "friendships" move into the final stages of seriousness and marriage is obviously in the plans, the way the Russian government works is that the man (or woman) must travel to Russia first and have at least one, in-person date with the other person. It is always at a neutral place and never at the girl's home. Another tip I read is that it is usually the custom to bring a small gift. Now let's assume I wanted to call her in Russia. Again, not at home but from the "dating service's" office. The girl goes there at the appointed time and awaits the phone call. Geez, can things be any more romantic?

I sent Olga the following email yesterday:


Dear Olga,
How are you today? I am doing pretty good. I know my emails have been a little short and not full of a lot of information. This is mainly because I am still surprised that you are writing to me.

I have been reading on the internet about Russian women. I've been visiting "dating sites" to learn some things. I have a question. Do you go through one of these sites? I read where your emails to me go through one of these places and they look it over and then forward it. When I reply, it goes to them first and they look at it before sending it to you. Is this true? And do you pay them for this service?

Or is this all on your own and independent of any site? I am just curious. In one of your emails you mentioned that you were never married and you would explain later. I can't imagine that someone as beautiful and cute as you are that you don't have all the men falling all over themselves trying to marry you.

I want to know more about you. I will tell you more about me next time.
Your friend,
Denny

I purposely wrote the email to see if in her reply she even mentions my questions. If I get an email from her and she is oblivious to my questions then I know the "dating service" deleted some questions.

Either way, I think the time has come to be honest with her and tell her that I am writing to her from death row and am scheduled to be executed next week.

Russian Made Easy With Denski

Juice is Sok and pronounced as sock
Waiter is Afeetseeant and pronounced as efficient
Train is Poyezd and pronounced as poised
Cow is Karova and pronounced as car over
Airplane is Samolyot and pronounced as some ol' yacht
Old is Staray and pronoounced as starry
New is Novay and pronounced as novel
Black is Chornay and pronounced as journey


Observations and Questions
Comments?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1924 Freddie Bartholomew Dublin Ireland, actor (Anna Karenina, David Copperfield). And in the death notices we find in 1987 Maria Augusta Trapp, singer, (Trapp Family Singers), dies at 82.

HOLY CRAP, ANOTHER EMAIL


Y

es! Now I know that I must be irresistible to women... well, at least to Russian females who want to get to this country, at any cost. After an entire weekend of waiting... I woke up this morning and guess what? ...there it was waiting for me.

I was actually stunned. I was convinced after sending her the email with my unretouched photo below that I would never hear from her again. I don't know at this point who is more desperate, me for writing her or her for writing me back.


Sat, 25 Mar 2006

Dear Denny!

Thank you for your letter today! You know, when I went to the Internet Cafe, and I watched the streets, trees, people, I have felt, that the Spring finally came to Russia! The weather was still cold, but I felt, that ice on my heart is melting, and feelings, I forgot about, are waking up too... And of course, I began to think about you, and if would not find your letter, I would feel myself worse. But I have found it, and my mood became much better. It is so amazing, I feel, that I can everything now, may be even to fly! I feel like a little girl, but it is a pity, but I have to fly from the sky to the ground. I'll have a hard work day today, I came to the Internet Cafe at lunch time, because I think, that I won't have power to write to you in the evening. But I know, that today I'll do my best, and everything will be alright, because I have got so many positive energy now. I want to tell you that you're very good man and I like you very much. I hope, that my letters brings to you a little part of my warmth, which I am trying to put in it,because you make me feel not so lonely now. I'd like to tell you about my ordinary day here. It is rather boring for you, I can say. I work as an English teacher in ordinary school for kids from 7 to 16 years old.

I work 5 days a week, and sometimes on weekends, I work from 9-00 to 19-00 every day. I'm going on-line in the evening or sometimes in the morning, sometimes I use my lunch time to write to you, because I can't wait to see, will you answer or not. I use Internet Cafe to write to you, because I have no computer at home, I even have no phone at home, but it is ordinary thing in Russia. What else I can to say, I don't want to talk with you about my things here, they are simple, and every new day is like the same. You know, as we say here in Russia, we don't live, we have to survive :) So, I have to survive every day - in the morning, when I use bus to go to work, because Russian men don't know how to let woman to sit down in the full bus. I have some rest on my job, I like it, but my salary is about 1500 USD in year...

After my work, I have to think, how to save some money, and to buy cheapest and useful for me food, how to make tasty dinner with this. Oh, this thoughts sounds silly for you, may be... And when long day finally comes to the end, I read books, or watch TV a little, and when I go to bed, because I have to wake up at 7-00 to be able to get to my work.

And that's all, I forgot only visiting pool 2 or 3 times in week. Did I get you bored already? I hope not, but it is my life here. By the way my birthday is on December,28. I'm the only child of my mother and I haven't any brothers or sisters. I have to go now, I will wait for your respond impatiently.

Yours Olga


There are just a few little things that bother me about this latest letter. First of all she doesn't mention my ummm picture. At all.

Even though the snow is on the ground, she can feel the ice melting on her heart? And she thinks about me right away? Oh come on, jeez Has she even read the stupid emails I've sent her back?

Here comes the groundwork I think:

She only makes $1500 a year? A year??? That comes out to $28.00 a week???

And her birthday is December 28th (hint hint). I wonder what she would like for her birthday? Perhaps a marriage proposal and a trip to the U.S.?

I had to respond to her. God only knows I didn't want her crushed by not having an email from me when she went to the Internet Cafe tonight. It is below...


Dearest Olga,
After sending you my picture I was worried that I would not hear from you. In your last email you never mentioned it. I would think it would help warm you up on those cold, icy days you mentioned. Did you like it?

I thought situations were much better in Russia since the break-up of the Communist state. How do you feel about it? I will write more later, I promise.
Yours,
Denny


OMG! I may have really screwed up. I just realized when I sent the above email I did not uncheck the "signature" on my email, at the bottom. Normally when I send email it has.... my blogsite address!! I am soooooooooo screwed.

Observations and Questions
Did you think she would write again after my emails below? My next step?
25 March 2006

AH HAH COMRADE, DAS GUD YOKE, NYET?


A

nd now ladies and gentlemen, straight from Kremlin Hall and Vodka Bar in Moscow, your entertainment for this Sunday, please welcome Denska Shaneski. Clap, clap.

A little boy found a machine gun - Now his village's population is none.

A boy played in the sandbox with no one to mind him,
When softly a mixing truck pulled up behind him.
He peeped not a peep, cried out nary a cry -
Just his sandals stuck out when the concrete was dry.

Ok folks, come on now, these are actual jokes from Russia...

Katya went to swim in the river -
Dove on Wednesday, emerged on Saturday.

This is tough crowd today

"Rabinowich," a friend asked, "do you read communist newspapers?"
"Sure I do!" he responded. "How else could I learn what a happy life I lead?"

One day an officer is visiting a Russian school. He comes up to little Lovya.
"Who is your mother, little boy?"
"Mother Russia."
"And who is your father?"
"Comrade Stalin."
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"An orphan."

The first Russian election was held when God put Eve in front of Adam and said, "Go ahead, choose your wife."

Das its comrades and comradesses for our Yokeski From Russia Day here this Sunday. Come next week come for Sadam's Funny Laughing Storys from Prison. Gud show, promise!

P.S. I still haven't heard from Olga. (insert unhappy frown here)

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1479, Vasili III, Great Prince of Moscow (1505-33) and son of Ivan III. And in our death notices in 1994, Constantine Koukouchkine, Russian diplomat, murdered in Algeria at 41.

BLESS ME FATHER...


F

or I have sinned. It's been 4 weeks since my last good confession. In the last month I have missed Mass 4 times, but I have watched the Rev. Willy Flamm on Sunday mornings, or is it Saturday or Wednesday night? Even though he is non-Catholic, he's good. Last week, I was so tempted to send him an email and inform him that God was a Catholic and he needed to convert over to our side. Is this a sin also?

Anyway, I have a few more sins to report... I have lied as well... 2 times in the last 2 days. It all started out innocently when I received this inquizical email from a lonely, desparate young lady in Russia. She was looking for true love, and you know me... always willing to help a lady in distress.

I wanted to go public with this sordid little affair and posted about it on my blog. But I didn't have the guts to admit to my readers that my ummmm friend was actually me! I am so ashamed.

I didn't want them to know what depths I had sunk... sank... sunken. If you want, you can read about my sordid affair in the postings from the last 2 days. You know I don't like to lie but I couldn't help myself. Just look at the traffic and remarks in my Comments section... why they number anywhere from 50 to 1,000. I was popular. I had women throwing themselves at me. Some sending me emails with pictures... totally, full frontal nudity of themselves. I was H.O.T. (and so were they).

I even sent my Olga an unretouched photo of myself, at right. Uh yeah, you can hold it. See my email to her below:


Dear Olga,
I am sending along a recent photo of myself. I hope you like it. In my last email to you I mentioned how important sex is between a man and a woman. If there is no compatibility sexually, then there cannot be much of anything else.

I hope you like my picture. I am anxiously hoping you write back.
De Name withheld to protect the innocent Denny


[Note to Readers]: I really did send Olga the above email and really did include the photo at right. And I really AM anxiously awaiting her response! lol

Ok, back to the story....

Three nights ago I woke up and found her email. Two nights ago I woke up again and found another email. Last night I anxiously woke up, expecting to find the nude pictures I had asked her for in my previous email. Not only were there no nude pictures, but there wasn't even an email. I think it's possible that my love affair with my vixen from across the sea has ended. Now I am besides myself.

However, I have not given up all hope. A real-life friend of mine raised the possibility that my Russian babinska was having some pictures taken, perhaps.

After seeing her with her female friend in the pictures below he was convinced they could be off in bed somewhere having mad, passionate sex together and having pictures taken of themselves. He assured me that the requested photos were probably winging their way across the water right now.

Well that's my confession for this week. What's my penance? Oh really? Since I tried to fool my readers you think my penance should be up to them? Well, ok...

Uh, what's that? You want me to autograph my picture to you?

Observations and Questions
Ok faithful readers, you heard the good man... what is the penance? Do you think Olga will really send me her nude pictures?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1921, Simone Signoret, Wiesbaden Germany, actress (Casque d'Or, Room at the Top). And in the death notices we find in 1918, Claude A Debussy, French composer (Iberia/La mer), dies in Paris France at 55.
23 March 2006

AS THE HAMMER AND SICKLE TURNS - Part 2


W

elcome back to the latest edition of As the Hammer and Sickle Turns. When last we heard from our friend he was struggling with his new found Russian friend who we will now call "Olga". My ummm friend in his emails to Olga will be known as Name withheld to protect the innocent

As you may remember from yesterdays' blog article, my ummm friend had received an unsolicited email from Olga, blah, blah, blah. You can read it in yesterdays' blog article below. Anyway, my ummm friend decided to write back to Olga with the following email:



Thurs. 23 March 2006

Dear "Olga"

I was surprised to hear back from you and with such a nice letter. To be quite honest I find it hard to believe that a young, 27 year old, sexy, intelligent woman such as yourself would find it hard to find a nice, young Russian man in your homeland.

You sound so interesting and well educated. I know you mentioned that you attended the Pedagogical academy in Moscow but what other educational background do you have? I think Pedagogical studies are so fascinating. Are you good at Pedagogical things?

I was sorry to hear about your father, but you sound like you have a good heart to have gone home to Noginsk to help your mother. I am sure she appreciated your help.

Well, I do not want to take up much of your time, right now. I am sure you are quite busy. Do you have any more sexy pictures?

I will write more later.
Name withheld to protect the innocent


A bit more brazen in his email than the first one he sent "Olga" last week. My ummm friend didn't expect to hear from his hot, Russian lover for awhile, if at all. But when he woke up this morning about 1AM he found the following in his in-box:

Friday, 24 March 2006

Dear Denny!
I am very glad to get your letter today, and I have to say, that I'm happy, that I have decided to communicate via Internet. It is very interesting way of communication, and it is rather new for me. But I have to say, that I am not looking for pen-friend, I want to say, that my intentions are very serious, and I look for my second half,and (I hope, if we with my chosen one will want it both) future husband.

I haven't children and have never been married before, I have my own special reasons for it, may be I'll tell to you about it later. I hope you'll understand me, and if it is only the game for you (I don't think so... but...), tell me about it, please, and may be it will be better for us to stop our conversation, because I don't want to get hurt. I have to say, that I am very interested in you, I want to know you better and to understand you, what kind of man you are... And to decide, was I right or not, when I have written to you. So, what else can I say... I work as an English teacher in the school #5 of Noginsk. I'm 1 m 70 sm tall, my weight is 53 kg.

My favorite flowers are orchids, but I'd love when my man brings me flowers, which he picked up, and it doesn't matter what kind of flowers it is. I like tender colors, such as pink and pastel tones. I like to watch movies at home, some TV shows of course, and sometimes sport channel, but not often, because I have to say, that watching sport alone is not interesting for me. I like outdoors activity, but I have no opportunity for it. I like to walk in the park and to read books there when the weather is good and warm and I have a free time. My small town - Noginsk - is 1 hour far from Moscow.

By the way, I have never been abroad. I live with mum in 2 room-apartment on 7-th floor. I used to work and help my family from my childhood. I believe that God will give me sometime happiness to love and to be loved!

Well, what else can I tell you...? I have a quiet character. I love the nature, flowers, different music (it depends on my mood), sports (swimming and dancing the most). But especially I like to prepare meat and to bake pies. Unfortunately I don't have a man for which it would be desirable to do. Please, do not play with me, do
not damage my feelings! In my turn I want to ask you some questions to understand you better. Please, tell me more about your work and friends, I want to learn more about your family and life in your country. My dear, I'd also like to see some pictures if you don't mind.Denny, I am waiting for your answer with impatience!

Your new friend Olga

Olga also sent my ummm friend 2 new pictures as he requested in his last letter to her. They are herewith submitted.



Olga is on the right. Her friend isn't too shabby either. My ummm friend is thinking bi-sexual here now.

Anyway, my ummm friend decided to write back at least once more before ending this torrid relationship:

24 March 2006

Dear "Olga"!!
You sound like a very interesting young woman. If I were younger I may want to explore the possibilities of a relationship. I thought that I would tell you a little about myself, that you should know. Even though I am single, presently, and looking for a female partner, I am quite older than you. You are so beautiful but you deserve a much younger man, a man that could help you achieve your goals, either in Russia or in the U.S. A man that could satisfy you in all matters of love.

I couldn't help but notice in the pictures you sent that you have an incredible, beautiful body. I think I might have a heart attack if I ever saw you nude. Do you like being nude? I do. That's another thing, I'm not sure we would even be compatible in the sex department. While other things in a relationship are extremely important, sex is also very important. I would hate to tire you out.

Let me know what you think. And I love looking at your beauty if you want to send me any more pictures. I will look around for pictures to send. Do you like fully clothed men or do you like nude men on the beach?
Sincerely,
Name withheld to protect the innocent

Observations and Questions
Has my ummm friend gone off the deep end here? I am not sure who is toying with whom's emotions now. Any more good advice?

P.S. And Erin O'Brien, author of "Harvey and Eck", available at Amazon.com, eat your heart out! I got my own Harvey and Eck going on here! ;)

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1874 Harry Houdini [Erik Weisz] Budapest Hungary, magician/escape artist. And in our death notices we find in 1905, Jules Verne, sci-fi author (Around the World in 80 Days), dies at 77.

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE


L

et's begin by saying that I have a friend, yeah that's good... a ummm friend. Now this friend is fairly good-looking, not too old, retired so to speak, good health - outside of a heart attack, 3 strokes, some memory loss and clinical depression. Personally, I think this friend who also has been divorced 2 times is a real bon vivant of the world. Recently one day while minding his own business and checking his rather over-crowded email box that is usually filled with incredible offers from the viagra company and a number of people in Africa that have millions of dollars and no idea how to get the money out of the country, he received a rather strange email... from Russia:

Exactly as received:


Sun, 19 Mar 2006

Hello! My name is XXX. I'm 27 years old and I'm from Russia. I live in Russia now and work as an English teacher at school. Unfortunately it's impossible to find a worthy man here, so, that's why I decided to search my secong half through the Internet. Maybe it sounds silly, but I want to find my love so much! I want to tell that I'm not looking for the man who is reach with money, but with soul and heart. If you are interested by my letter, than please, write me an answer on my e-mail address: xxx@xxx.com I will wait for your respond with impatience and hope!



Now my ummm friend, being cautious realized that this didn't sound like the usual great offer email that he usually receives, and wrote back, very simply:


Sun, 19 Mar 2006

Hi...
I am interested in how you got my email address.
Thanks
Name withheld to protect the innocent



As you can see in the sample above, my ummm friend can be extremely provocative in his love correspondence. Now my friend claims that he completely forgot about this hot love affair he had going. Until this morning when he received the following:


Tue, 21 Mar 2006

Hello dear De Name withheld to protect the innocent.
How are you? Is it smile on your face? I hope so, because I'm smiling, and I'm happy to hear from you! I have to say to you, that I am new in the Internet, and I could not imagine myself, that my message to you will give result, and I'll find your letter so fast!

You surely is very interested how have I found your e-mail address. It's simple. The Internet Cafe worker had sent my letter onto 100 casual addresses that computer program had offered. I have got answers from three people - a girl from Israel, a man from China and you, my new friend. I'm not interested in women, and a man from China wasn't interested in serious relationship, and the third one is you and I would like to communicate with you. Ok, my name is xxx, I'm 27 years old, but I won't begin to re-tell to you all information, which was in my previous letter, I just want to remind you, that I'm from Russia, I was born in Russia, and I live there now. So, I live in Noginsk now, it is a small city not far from Moscow.

I was born there, but I lived in Moscow after finishing *Pedagogical academy, but I had to move to my native town, Noginsk, 2 years ago, after death of my father, because my mother needed my help. But now I think, that it was right choice, and I am not sad about it. So, I have to say, that I am sorry for so short letter, but I have to go now (frankly speaking, I thought, that you won't answer, and I came to the Internet Cafe only to check my mail), and I have to say to you, that I am very glad to keep our conversation, and feel free to ask me, what you want to know about me, I'll be happy to answer to every your questions. I am sending my picture to you, it was made year ago by my friend from Moscow, she is professional photograph, and she made few pictures of me, it was funny to feel, like professional model :) So, I am waiting for your letter, and I won't let you to wait my answer!
Bye!
XXX



P.S. She sent 2 pictures of herself. She is drop dead gorgeous. The phrase hot, sizzling and smoldering doesn't even come close to describing her.



So.... I am sure by now you can see the pickle that my ummm friend finds himself... and he has asked me to turn to you, oh wise and intelligent blog surfers, to help him sort it all out.

Observations and Questions
What do you make of this? Is this an attempt to get him to part with his thousands and thousands of dollars laying in the bank? (Personally, I don't think my ummm friend has two nickles to rub together, anyway...) Is this a scheme to get my friend to marry her so she can come to the U.S. and then find out that he is way too much sexually for her 27 year old body and then divorce him? Or... is this true love?

*Pedagogical. Function: adjective: of, relating to, or befitting a teacher or education. (yeah, I had to look it up also)


Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1926, Harry N. Shane, my father, who turns 80 today, born in Phila., PA. Happy Birthday Dad! And in our death notices we find in 1991, Dominic Bellissimo, created buffalo chicken wings, dies at 68.
22 March 2006

THE RESULTS ARE IN



Yes indeed, you bloggers have spoken and I have listened and the untainted voting results are hereby posted for all to see! As you may remember on yesterdays Not So Normal News I ran a scientific poll regarding the music being played on this blog.

I asked, you voted, and the results are provided below:

How about an on and off switch? 56.6%
Denny, you are incredibly hot & I want you! 56.5.9%
I love your choice of music. 22.2%
Denny, I am in heaven when I come here. 22.2
I hate your choice of music. 0%
Denny, it sucks 0%
Sometimes I want to crawl up the wall. 0%
I just want to cuddle under the covers. 0%

With an over-whelming 56.6% of the votes cast, it seems that we now will have an on and off switch as you enter the blog. It is automatically set to ON, so if you are at work or just don't prefer the melodic sounds of my choice for the day you can hit the OFF/PAUSE button.

The superior on/off/pause switch is located over on the left side of the screen, at the top of the column there.

Observations and Questions
Is there anything else you would like to vote on? I've got a free 30 day trial period with the polling software, which of course I am not going to buy, but figure what the hell I've got 29 more days.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1923, Marcel Marceau, Strasbourg France, mime (Barbarella, Silent Movie). And in the death department we find in 1994, Walter Lantz, US cartoonist, (Woody Woodpecker), dies at 93.
21 March 2006

AN ALLEGED MEMORY


L

ast night I read about a guy in Georgia who celebrated St. Patty's Day just a wee too much. He decided he needed to "relieve himself". Now most guys will look for a tree or an alley. This guy took it to new heights. He decided to pee into the gas tank of a State Troopers car. He was enjoying himself when a second cruiser pulled up and ask what he was doing. Said pee-er took off while pushing his equipment back into his pants. What an idiot! Everyone knows you do not stop mid-pee for anything. While he was running and trying to push everything back into his pants, he uncontrollably continued to pee. It was everywhere. The idiot.

For some unknown reason this news article brought back a horrible memory of 3 guys allegedly in the Navy and on Liberty on St. Thomas, the island in the Caribbean many years ago. It seems these three decided to go out for a nice evening allegedly taste-testing the islands fine wine listings. After about 15 minutes of said testings the tastings quickly went allegedly to Bourbon and Ginger, which of course quickly led to just straight Bourbon... and then eventually to allegedly whatever the bartender put in front of them.

On the way back to the ship, these three just happened to pass the St. Thomas City Hall. In front of the City Hall were three flag posts... one post had the U.S. flag, the middle one had the Danish flag and the third post had the Virgin Island flag. The allegedly three drunken sailors, being connoisseurs of fine wine and other nations' flags decided they allegedly needed that Danish flag.

They allegedly played paper, rock, scissors and the main sailor, who was quite handsome and a bon vivant of the world who allegedly went on to the world of Philadelphia politics, lost of course. He was elected to allegedly climb up the flag pole and retrieve the Danish flag. But what if the cops came along during the act? Since the good-looking sailor had to climb up the flagpole, the other two had to cause a diversion, just in case. It was decided that they would pee on the grass. While the courageous sailor was allegedly unhooking the Danish flag, his two idiot partners in crime began a pee fight on the ground. How disgusting.

Anyway, to make a stupid story really short, back to the ship they went, prize in hand. The next morning the main sailor allegedly awoke with the Danish flag allegedly wrapped around him and keeping him warm and toasty in the 90 degree weather of St. Thomas.

The moral of this story according to me the main, pole-climbing sailor was... well, he doesn't remember any moral now.

Observations and Questions
Have you ever done anything while you were drunk that you either laugh about now or are totally embarrassed to talk about?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1916, Harold Robbins, US, novelist (The Carpetbaggers). And in our Death Notices we find in 1921, "Big Jim" Colisimo, US gangster, murdered by Al Capone.
20 March 2006

I TAKE ONE DAY OFF...


A

nd my brain sneaks in here while I'm sleeping and decides to try his humor out on writing the blog for the day, huh? I'm glad he picked yesterday, Sunday, to do it while there aren't that many readers. Also happy that he was light-hearted and not as cerebral or as uppity as he usually gets sometimes.


However, mouth-agaping is what my mouth was doing when I noticed he non-chalantly mentioned that he was writing Chatroom Psycho. This is a bold-faced lie... he is not writing it, I am and I am doing nicely without the use of any brain, thank you very much.

Well now that the big party holiday is over and everyone is back to work today, except me that is... our attentions turn to the next biggie... Easter. Now don't get me wrong, I always liked Christmas, getting toys and stuff but Easter brought me the raw energy to keep playing with all those toys from Christmas.

Everyone has a fond memory of Easter and a specific candy they enjoyed. The Easter bunny always brought me a BIG hollow Easter egg, chock-full of more candy and chocolates. I think I was on a sugar-high until well into summer.

I often wonder if Christ hadn't died and arose again from the dead on Easter sunday if... well, if there would be an Easter bunny to hop around?

Observations and Questions
What was your favorite all-time Easter candy? Do you remember how you found out that some people believe there is no Easter bunny? I suppose they are the same people that believe there is no Santa Claus! Will they be shocked when they die and go to heaven and see who is walking around up there.

International Shoutout
For those that are Englishically impaired and only know Ebonics: I'z be hoping ya really enjoyed muh ma f-----g blog taday. Have uh great day ya pimpz! an don't make me pull mah gat! Translated for the ebonically challenged: I hope you really enjoyed my blog today. Have a great day you guys!

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1928 Mr [Fred McFeely] Rogers Latrobe PA, children's television host (Mr Roger's Neighborhood). And in the old death notices we find in 1997, ? Hefner, mother of Hugh Hefner (Playboy), dies at 101. How proud she must have been of little Hughie.
19 March 2006

GOOD MORNING, THIS IS...


D

enny's brain. We've never chatted before, have we? I guess mainly because Denny is always hogging the computer and he never thinks of me when he's writing. Anyway, he's still sleeping since it's only 3AM and it kinda looks like I've got Blog duty this morning. He'll never know I'm gone for awhile. Just yesterday he went to the supermarket and completely forgot about me. I was sitting relaxing and formulating a new novel I have been playing around with, Chatroom Psycho.

He realized he left me at home when he got back and discovered he had forgotten toilet paper, milk and jalapeno peppers. Anywho, I'm pretty sure Denny has a few jokes on Sunday morning. Here are a few that I've been carrying around for a few weeks. In the meantime I am going to sneak back into bed and back into Denny's dream.... He's having a date with Kelly Monaco. My cousin Pedro, from south of the border and I really enjoy the Monaco dreams, even though it's my distant 2nd cousin, Imagination who creates all the dreams. Enjoy!

SUNDAY JOKES


A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply.

"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.

My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.

So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.

But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"

After staring blankly with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: "Move over!"

---

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"

---

How to say I Love You in 25 languages:
English
I Love You

Spanish
Te Amo

French
Je T'aime

German
lch Liebe Dich

Japanese
Ai Shite Imasu

Thai
Phom rak khun

Italian
Ti amo

Chinese
Wo Ai Ni

Swedish
Jag Alskar

Alabama
Arkansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee
Missouri
Mississippi
Montana
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky
parts of Florida:
Nice Ass, Get in the truck!

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1848 Wyatt Earp Monmouth IL, marshall-fought in Gunfight at the OK Corral. And in the death notices we find in 1950, Edgar Rice Burroughs, author (Tarzan of the Apes), dies at 74.
18 March 2006

ssshhhhh... happy day after...


S

o how many of you are reading blogs this morning through bloodshot eyes? Yeah, I thought so... y'all seemed like a rowdy bunch of characters to me to me anyway. Hangovers aren't fun. There's the headache, the dry mouth and the never-ending stomach churning. You shouldn't have to worry all night about the morning after misery. Ok, hurry up, run to the bathroom... I'll wait........

Feel better? Hehe hehe hehee... I know a secret about hangovers, but first, let's look at the definition, just in case you're feeling a bit ill and don't know what's wrong:

Hangover (hang-o-ver) noun. 1. Unpleasant effects resulting from excessive alcohol consumption. Common symptoms are: headache, nausea, dehydration, dizziness, thinking you have 2 mother-in-laws and almost everything else unpleasant you can think of.

1. The Cause
Well... we already know the answer to that one. Moving right along...

2. Symptoms
Heh, this is a fun part and I remember all of these as if it were yesterday: headache, irritability, nausea, fatigue, dehydration, body aches, vomiting, dizziness, diarrhea. Oh God, it's all coming back now.

3. Prevention
Uh huh... moving onto #4

4. The Secret
For centuries cultures around the world we have searched in vain for a cure for hangovers. While there are enough concoctions to make your head spin (if it isn't spinning already), few of them are helpful, and NONE cure the hangover. I'm sorry, I lied... there is no cure.

Observations and Questions
When you are ill is your significant other sympathetic? Or is the significant other still in bed moaning and dying?

ON STRIKE DEPARTMENT
Over on the left where I usually put Today's Holidays you'll notice a particular country listed first. Today is a holiday there. However, in protest, I am not printing anything about this country until they do the right thing and properly investigate Natalee Holloway's murder.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1483 Raphael painter (Sistine Madonna). And in the dusty death notices we find in 1882, Morgan Earp, brother of Wyatt Earp, shot and killed while playing billiards in Tombstone.
17 March 2006

BEANNACHTAI NA FEILE PADRAIG!


Y

ea, me laddies and lasses, once again 'tis good ol' Saint Patty's Day all over the world. Even in multi-cultural Blogland it's the day we honor the fella that drove those pesky snakes out of the ol' sod.

Before I start I want to give a shout out to all of my Irish friends, my non-Irish friends who are only Irish on this day (that's ok) and to the rest of the world, an invite to join the party! Another shout out to my long, lost cousin Restless Angel who I found out is a distant cousin of our mutual great-grandpop Niall NoigĂ­allach, who was a High King of Ireland and was active in the early-to-mid 5th century AD. He is said to have made raids on the coastlines of Britannia and Gaul and is said to have kidnapped Saint Patrick and brought him to Ireland as a boy during these raids.

I've looked around for a couple items of interest for your Irishical reading today:

Leprechauns
In Irish folklore, leprechauns (Old Irish for "small bodies") are mischievous little old men. These elves, who work as cobblers, are believed to know where gold is hidden.

Rainbows
Does tracking down a leprechaun and his hidden pot of gold sound improbable at best? Many people believe that the leprechaun keeps his gold at the end of a rainbow. Have you ever seen the end of a rainbow? Interestingly, one of the definitions of rainbow is "a goal, hope, or ideal that is unlikely to be achieved or realized."

And as always, there's a good ol' Irish Blessing for you on this special day:

May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

In years gone by I can remember waking up the next morning and the first words out of my mouth were: "Oh my God, please God, kill me right now."

---

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be celibate. But...." The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice." There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

----

Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like this...Damn! There goes another one!"

Observations and Questions
So will you be celebratin' today? Any Irish blood flowing in those veins? Slainte! (Meaning: To your health and pronounced: slaun-chah, give or take a vowel here and there.)
16 March 2006

DR. AT VA HOSPITAL: "OK DENNY, IT'S OFFICIAL, YOU ARE


N

uts." Hey! I'm finally good at something and they have figured out what's really wrong with me after all these years. The doctor continued,flipping through the pages of my chart, Parts I through 8, "Lemme see here... in the past 5 years, you have had one heart attack, three strokes and you use a walker to walk, developed diabetes, have high cholesterol, off the chart blood pressure, memory loss and clinical depression and you want to do WHAT?"

In a low, I'm sorry I even brought it up kinda voice: "Ummmm, skydive."

She shook her head, "You are officially nuts." When your Psych makes that kinda statement never, ever ask: "Why?" I think she talked non-stop for about 45 minutes. She did stop briefly to laugh once.

Ok, here's the background. Yesterday morning or maybe the night before I was on a message board that I visit regularly which is dedicated to people that love and go to Ambergris Caye which is a small island off the coast of Belize in Central America and I love visiting as often as I can.

One of the members there is the head of a skydiving club. They frequent Ambergris Caye often... giving lessons, skydiving and taking novices up for their first jump. There was a discussion going on about a recent trip that was made and plans for next years big jump. I casually mentioned that I didn't think I could do it, ever. I get terribly dizzy at heights. The head of the club said that if I went he would do a tandem jump with me for FREE. Everyone joked about selling beer, t-shirts, etc. and having a party on the ground while I jumped. Getting caught up in the whole atmosphere, I kinda/sorta agreed.

Now being the conscientious and diligent person I am I thought it best to non-chalantly run the idea by my doctor yesterday afternoon.

And you already know how that conversation went.

Observations and Questions
Have you ever been skydiving? or, would you ever go? What's your professional opinion... should I or shouldn't I? Not that I have ever paid attention to her in the past obviously, the doc said, "no."

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1942 Jerry Jeff Walker, a Belize buddy and composer (Mr BoJangles). And in our death notices we find in 1991, 7 members of Reba McIntire's band killed in a plane crash.
15 March 2006

I ADMIT IT... I AM BOTANICALLY CHALLENGED


T

here... I've finally said it. I am botanically challenged. I am so ashamed. To be blunt, I can't grow shit. To wit: over on the right here we have what use to be a vibrant growing plant. I forget what you call it now, but it was beautiful when I first bought it.


Perky, deep-lushed green leaves. The pride of my window. Then little by little the disgrace of it all set in, like a winter season closing in and around a little town, choking it off from life. My vibrant little what's-it's-name plant was slowly dying, right there in my window for the world to see.

I have been so good at killing plants I go to the Beyond Life Reduced Plant table at PlantMart. I buy plants that are just about dead. Buy 'em and they're dead in a week. This way I save time.

Why am I writing about this? I need your help. I know there must be several green-thumbed people out there. I water it once a week. I even turn it a quarter-turn every so often to keep it facing the light. And it's still dying.

I even play music for it! On the weekdays it's Sarah Brightman, Friday night I go with Enigma and close out the weekend with a little Eddie and the Cruisers. What more can I do? I even tried singing to plants on the way home from PlantMart but stopped after they were dead by the time I got them home.

On the other hand, I have a few artificial plants. They are doing wonderful! I dust them once a week and they look terrific!

Observations and Questions
What am I doing wrong? Is there something I SHOULD be doing that I'm not?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1858 Liberty Hyde Bailey US botanist (Plantbreeding). And in the death department in 44BC, beware the Ides of March... Julius Caesar assassinated in Roman Senate in the Portico of the Theater of Pompey.
14 March 2006

TOOT TOOT


W

ell, since I have absolutely nothing to write about today I am going to toot my own horn, so to speak. If you have been coming here for any length of time then you already know how modest and humble I am. I shy away from the limelight and do things in a small, but hopfully significant manner.

However, over the last few days I've been working feverishly in my palatal, 7 room apartment, with 4 walk-in closets, here in Houston, Texas in an attempt to keep you occupied when you visit me here in blogland. And also to keep you coming back, time and time again. (have you figured out yet that I have nothing to say and am trying to fill up the space with words?)

Anyway, I want to draw your attention to the left hand column of the blog. There you will see some new additions. Let me point them out for you. First we have my literary blog, Chatroom Psycho. This is where I lay out my new thriller that I am writing and solicit your comments, advice and guidance. Next we have the Denny Shane Art Page. Sorry, there are no nudes of me on that page, but there are some exciting pieces that I have painted and can now be purchased in print form. Cool huh?

Moving right along there is the old standby, 100 Things Lists, my CD collection and my DVD collection. Things you really need to know in order to get to know me better.

Now, shifting gears and over on the right side of the blog... you see the drop down box with all of my many friends listed... for some reason the picture gallery doesn't always show up. However, I discovered if you just take your mouse and click under the little check box, the entire photo gallery will open. Shrug.

See how much you miss when you come here and just concentrate on the blog article of the day? And all along you thought I was just another pretty face.

Observations and Questions
Which is your favorite page? Ok, ok... you can lie and make up something. OR... (and God help me for asking this) What could I do to make it more exciting for your visit?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1879, Albert Einstein, Ulm Germany, (E=mc2 Theory of Relativity, Nobel 1921) And in the death notices today we find in 1997, John Curtis Jr, president/CEO (Luby's Cafe), commits suicide at 58.
13 March 2006

MY BRAIN IS LIKE A STEEL TRAP


T

hroughout the year and a half that I have been doing this blog, you have come to know me in many ways. One of which is that my brain is like a vise. Nothing gets past me.... super cognizant, A brain among brains, so to speak. Ahem, anyway... You will notice over on the right, four pictures. Now please don't jump ahead of me... stay with me here...

Many, many years ago, I bought a sugar packet holder as seen in Exhibit #1. I thought it would look nice on the table for those rare occasions when I had company over for coffee. I soon realized that my sugar packets didn't quite fit into the holder as is evidenced in Exhibit #2. Very sloppy I thought. You think they would make a sugar holder that would fit the packets.

Finally, I had to settle for an arrangement shown in Exhibit #3. I didn't quite like the way they were displayed but figured it would have to do until I found one that accommodated packs standing up.

Yesterday morning while making coffee, I discovered a new way of displaying the packets... see Exhibit #4. I was dumb-founded. Like a bolt out of the sky, it hit me square in the face. All these years, many, many years... ok, 10 years, I have been putting the packets into the holder the wrong way!

I stood there flabbergasted. I couldn't speak. Ok, fine, I did say, "Denny, you stupid son-of-a-bitch... they go sideways!"

Observations and Questions
Please, please don't make fun of me. This has been totally embaressing to admit, but I am a better man this morning for divulging this. Just wait until the VA psychiatrist hears this story on my next visit this week. Hmmmm... wonder if I can bring sharp, pokey things and ragged, rusty butcher knives to the observation cell? Have you ever discovered something that made you feel like a complete idiot?


Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1908, Walter Annenberg Milwaukee WI, publisher (Triangle-TV Guide). And in the death notices in 1955, Maharajadhiraja Tribhuvana Bir Bikram Yung Bahadur Shum Shere dies. This guy obviously needed two tombstones to accommodate his name.
12 March 2006

HAPPY, HAPPY SUNDAY!


G

ood morning, afternoon or evening to all the ships at sea and to any space aliens flying overhead! Sunday is always a 'odds 'n ends' kinda day. You're tempted not to write a major blog entry because hardly no one ever is on the computer on Sunday, which leads me to believe a lot of readers actually blog from work. Good going! Keep it up!

Sunday Morning Funnies



A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital for a few more days and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrives in heaven again, sees her guardian angel and says, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years!! "The angel replies, "Sorry. I didn't recognize you."

- - - - -

The Blonde's Year in Review


January: took the new scarf I got for Christmas back to the store because it was just too tight!

February: Fired from my pharmacy job for failing to print labels - darn bottles kept jamming the printer.

March: Extremely excited because I finished a large jigsaw puzzle in 6 months - and the box said "2-4 yrs"! Ha!

April: Trapped on an escalator for hours when a spring storm knocked the power out!

May: Tried to make Kool Aid, but I'll be darned if 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June: Kept trying to go water skiing but could not find a lake with a slope.

July: Lost the breast stroke swimming competition. I learned later that all the other swimmers cheated - they also were using their freakin arms.

August: Got locked out of a car in rain storm which ruined the car since I had left the top down.

September: The capital of California is "C", isn't it?

October: Quit eating M & Ms. . .they are just too hard to peel.

November: Ruined Thanksgiving turkey after baking it for 4-1/2 hours, but the instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.

December: Christmas tree catches on fire, buring the house after I could not call 911. Where the heck is the "eleven" button the phone?

- - - - -

Letter to Tide Detergent


Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used Tide all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another, and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

- - - - -


Observations and Questions
Any exciting plans for today? What's for dinner? And can I come?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1939, Barbara Feldon, Pittsburgh PA, actress (Agent 99-Get Smart). And in our dusty death notices we find in 1945, Anne Frank, diarist (Diary of Anne Frank), killed in Belsen Camp.
11 March 2006

GUESS WHOSE BIRTHDAY IT IS?


M

e Me Me... Mine! Mine! Mine! Well, me and my sisters birthday. We were born on the same day and we're not twins. Actually, I had nothing to write about today so I am glad it's my birthday... I can kinda/sorta write about that... but you know me, I hate talking about myself.

Just for the hell of it, I thought I would take a look at the Top Ten historical events that took place in the world on my birthday.

1. In 537, the Goths lay seige to Rome.
2. In 1302, Romeo and Juliet wed. And we know how that story ends.
3. In 1669, Mt. Etna in Italy erupts and kills 15,000.
4. In 1867, Great Mauna Loa eruption (Hawaiian volcano)
5. In 1888, Great blizzard of '88 strikes northeast US. Thousands dead.
6. In 1895, Spanish cruiser Reina Regenta sinks at Gibraltar, 400 killed.
7. In 1947, Denny Shane born in Philadelphia, PA.
8. In 1951, Denny Shane loses his "only-child" status.
9. In 1958, Charles Van Doren finally loses on TV game show "21"
10. In 1974, Mount Etna in Sicily erupts, again!

"Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy BIRTHDAY dear Goths, Romeo and Juliet, Mt. Etna, Great Mauna Loa, Great Blizzard, Reina Regenta, Charles the Loser, Mt. Etna again, Happy Birthday to y'all." Sigh...

Observations and Questions
When is your birthday and do you share? And for those ladies that wish to send me a "special" birthday wish with unretouched, naked photos of themselves: Please email in confidence to: A Very Steamy and Special Birthday Wish for Denny Shane Counseling Service

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1947, ME and my sister, but 4 years apart! And in the death notices we find in 1845, John Chapman [Johnny Appleseed] dies in Allen County, Indiana.
10 March 2006

TODAY CLASS IT IS TEACHER - STUDENT SEX DAY


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arning! If you have any young children in the room, please remove them to the kitchen or another suitable room... because, today is SEX day! Now don't get all excited and get your panties in a twist. I am not advocating teachers having sex with students, in or out of the classroom. But watching the proceedings against Debra Lafave, the Florida teacher accused of having sex with one of her students, once in the back seat of her car while the kid' older cousin drove and then a second time in her apartment while the cousin watched them again having oral sex. The thought occurred to me... where was she when I was in grade school?

Mary Kay LaTorno is another one and she's having her 2nd baby by her teenage student/lover. At least that must be true love. How times have changed. Who did I have in grade school? Sister Olga of the Rock. (Name changed to protect the innocent, namely me).

Believe me, she was a poster pinup for not having sex with a teacher. She was definitely into S&M and B&D I think. I must have been her type because she always picked on me. Some kid in the back room would crack a joke and she would come to me and say: "Mr. Shane, hold out your hands." I had no choice... I held out my hands as ordered and WHACK! with that ruler. I think she even had a holster for it. Other little fun sports she had was to kneel on the palms of your hands or bending over and having your nose touch some spot ridiculously low on the wall, both for hours at a time.

But I have to admit something. Yes, in an exclusive to the Not So Normal News, I am admitting to this perverse crime in front of the world. In a visual kinda/sorta way I had sex with one of my teachers, repeatedly.... over and over.... over, over, over... yes, over and over, over, over, over....OVER! Ahem!

I think it was in the 4th grade and every morning I would walk to school, but stop by my teachers house and walk her to school. I was so in love. She lived near me and her dad owned a candy store. She lived on the 2nd floor and was single... so sophisticated, mature and young... I guess 21 maybe? Anyway this one day I arrived at her door and knocked as usual. No answer. I knocked again... this time I heard the 2nd floor window open... and then I saw her in her almost naked beauty. She stuck her head out the window to say she was running late. What she didn't realize was that she stuck her head out a little too far and I could see her.... slip. I nearly died right there on the icey cold, snow-covered ground. Now that I think about it, I think she was coming onto me. That incident has affected me to this day.

Miss Mary Mc G, even though I know you are in your 60's now, I still love you and think you're hot! Thank you, from little Denny Shane. (4th row, 2nd seat).

Observations and Questions
Today is bare your soul day. Ever have a crush on a teacher? How far would you have gone? ---or--- how far DID you go? Oh come on now, I'm not gonna tell anyone. However, if it's so lurid and torrently wicked and you don't want to publically air it, please send it to me in confidence to: My Hot, Steamy and Lurid Sex Experience With My Teacher Counseling Service Unretouched photos gleefully accepted!


Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1947, Avril "Kim" Campbell, Canada's 1st female Prime Minister. And in our death notices today we have in 0037 Tiberius Claudius Nero, great violin player and Roman emperor (14-37), dies at 78.
09 March 2006

I DO! I DO! I DO BELIEVE!


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s you walk along the dimly lit hallway you can hear the wind howling on the outside, adding to the drama you feel on the inside. Casting a somewhat orangey glow, the small bulb on the ceiling barely lights your way. Slowly you take each step, looking further down towards the other end of the long corridor, looking side to side at each closed and sealed door. Then you see it at the other end... what was that? A fleeting shadow? Your imagination maybe... or....

...was it really the ghost of your great grandmother's uncle who married his first cousin? The question here is... do you believe in ghost and spirits? People who have moved on to wherever they move onto when they die?

There are two shows that I watch on TV... one is on the Travel Channel, Most Haunted with Derek Acorah. At the very least he is somewhat entertaining, and sometimes almost believable, though a bit over-dramatic, but he always finds spirits and ghosts all over the place.

On the other hand is the SciFi channels offering of Ghost Hunters. This show is basically about 2 guys who are plumbers by day and ghost hunters by night. They go around and try and debunk ghost stories, etc.

For the record, I do believe in ghost and spirits. Ever since a kid and my first nightmare, I honestly believe they walk among us... for good or evil, whatever.

Anyway the whole purpose of my blog today is to look at these two groups that I mentioned before. Awhile back the Ghost Hunters show goes to the Queen Mary berthed in California, which is reportedly a seriously haunted ship. These guys and crew bring all of their equipment, set it all up and stay there for dunno 12 hours maybe. They find nothing! Zip! Zilch! Nada! Zero! Out of the 10 or 15 ghost that supposedly reside on the ship and having been experienced by dozens, if not hundreds of guests, these guys from Ghost Hunters find nothing. Okay, that's scene one.

About a month later, I'm flipping around the channels when I come across Derek Acorah on the Travel Channel and guess where he's headed? The Queen Mary to hunt for ghost. And guess what? He finds ghost all over the place! They're coming out of the woodwork... AND he talks to them as well!!

Let's recap: Same place. Ghost Hunters, no ghost. Derek Acorah, ghost abound. Now somebody's got to be right and somebody's got to be wrong here.

Observations and Questions
What do you think? Do you believe in ghost? Have you ever seen one? I actually know a woman back in Philly that claims she actually made love to a ghost one night. Talk about imagination running amuck.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1965, Juliette Binoche, Paris France, actress (English Patient, Unbearable Lightness of Being). And in our death notices we find in 1975, Joseph Dunninger, New York NY, mentalist (Amazing Dunninger), dies at 82.
08 March 2006

TODAY IS THE BUTLER DIDN'T DO IT AWARENESS DAY


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retty catchy title huh? Last night someone asked me what the name of the music that was playing on my blog. I explained that on the sidebar on the left, if you scrolled down you would see the title and the artist singing. Then the thought occurred to me that maybe people just stop in and read the main article never scrolling down to see what else there might be on here. And that's not bad because I do the same thing sometimes. I always look over someone's blog the first time I land on it, but rarely after that.

However, the main purpose of today's blog entry is to bring to your attention something you may have over-looked on here. Now I know a lot of you read... novels, poetry, short stories and not just Playboy or Playgirl. Even though I always find the interviews interesting and captivating myself.

Anyway, if you scroll down and look on the left side of the blog you'll see some book covers. One of the covers is that of one of our visitors, Erin O'Brien and her book "Harvey and Eck" another book is by Grant Bailie, entitled "Cloud 8". "The History of the Kensington Burial Ground" is by yours truly and is out of print now. So if you didn't buy it when it was first out, then you're out of luck. So sorry! It was really good! I'm presently working on "Chatroom Psycho", destined to be a Best Seller, somewhere in the world!

Anyway, there is also a book cover called, "The Butler Didn't Do It" and when you click on it, you are whisked away to another one of my sites by the same name. Here is where you can read about books, short stories, author's, etc. You can even comment on books you've read and liked, or didn't like. And there's even a section for short stories you read at night with the lights down low and behind closed doors, while dressed in a plain, brown wrapper. Hey now, don't smirk... all literature, even dirty and smuty, has some kind of redeeming quality!

We welcome budding authors! Here's your chance to enter a chapter or so of your new novel to get reaction from readers! There's something for everyone!

Observations and Questions
Have I bored you to death now? Tell me if you like the site or not... and what's wrong with it, if anything. Tell me why? Thanks!!

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1075, Abu 'l-Kasim Mahmud ibn Omar al-Zamachshari, Arab theologist. The only reason I chose Abu today was because his name was so friggin long. And in the death notices we find in 1862, Nat Gordon, the last pirate, hanged in New York NY for stealing 1,000 slaves.
07 March 2006

I NEVER REMEMBER MY DREAMS


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ntil the other night that is... I rarely remember my dreams. I know everyone does dream whether or not they remember them. Mostly I wake up and for a few seconds I remember snipets, but by the time I get to the bathroom they are gone. However Saturday and Sunday nights have set new precedents for me. I not only remember them, but I remember details also!


Dream #1
As you all know I've been married twice. My in-laws from my second marriage were in my first dream, all of them. They told me I was going on a trip and I said ok, sure. And my brother-in-law would be taking me in his truck. I got ready and dressed for my adventure. When I went out to the truck I discovered all of my furniture and belongings were packed in the truck! BUT the kicker was, even though the people were my in-laws from my second marriage... in this dream I was married to my first wife!

Dream #2
The next night I was in a shopping mall walking around basically window-shopping. Promptly at 10 PM, the mall closed and I was still inside. The stores all disappeared and were empty. Old dusty display cases all around, ripped curtains... you get the picture. But there were lots of people walking around... bums, derelicts, business people rushing around with documents in their hands, etc. My oldest daughter shows up and tells me I have to get out of there. I said I didn't want to leave but she insisted. As we're walking down a corridor I see a sign that says "Santa Claus: One Night Only" and there is a long line to get in to see him. However, right next to the end of the line there is a door with a sign: "Santa Claus' Private Office".

I knock and hear "come in". Slowly I open the door and there is Santa sitting by himself in an Armani suit. "Oh, little Denny Shane, come in son." I go in and sit down next to him... I say nothing and he says, "thanks for coming in to see me." and I leave. The line is gone.

Dream #3
It's just me and my pal Kelly Monaco, alone in a darkened room. A slow embering fire lights the room ever so softly... a half empty bottle of chianti lays on the floor... Kelly snuggles closer and then begins to nibb... STOP! oh crap... that's tomorrow nights dream I hope. LOL

Ok, I'm awake now... dreaming is over.

Now as some of you know I have slight memory problems sometimes. The Dr. at the VA said they were going to put me on a new medicine. I carry a little piece of paper in my wallet with all of my medications... just in case I need them. So, I go on the internet and look the new medicine up so I know what I am taking and note it on the paper for my wallet. Guess what one of the side effects is/are: Vivid Dreams! I don't know if I like this or not now.

Observations and Questions
Do you remember your dreams? Have kookie dreams? Am I in any? If I am and they are hot and erotic and you don't want to reveal them here in public, please feel free to email them, in confidence, to: Denny's Hot and Erotic Dream Free Counseling Service

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1898, Jan Bata, Czechoslovakian shoe manufacturer. And in our death notices we find in 322 BC Aristotle dies. Wow, seems like just yesterday...
06 March 2006

AND... THE WINNER IS...


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nything but the 78th Annual Academy Awards Show last night. Hey now! Stay awake! Further down I talk about breasts and bi-curious girls. I really tried to fight off sleep last night as I watched this burning plane plummet to the ground but only got as far as the first few awards. And to be honest, looking at the results this morning, I apparently didn't miss much. It's really hard to imagine a show with hundreds of our favorite performers and entertainers that they can't put a show together that is entertaining. And the jokes and humorous intentions? I've read funnier tombstones.


The broadcast began on a shaky note with a filmed intro that found past Oscar host Billy Crystal being introduced as this year's host, then declining, followed by Chris Rock, Steve Martin, Whoopi Goldberg, David Letterman, Mel Gibson, even Mr. Speakerphone, none of whom wanted the gig. Finally it went to Jon Stewart. Some advice Jon... don't give up your day job.

The most exciting part was the pre-show... now normally I am not that up on fashion but I do find the dresses, err... lack of dress really interesting. Yes, I'm speaking of the female adornments. As you know it seems every year the dresses get shorter, more ummm "airier" and less material. There is nothing wrong with that! What's wrong with some of these actresses that actually think they've got something to show off.

Now I love small breasted women, but there was one actress and I forget her name that was interviewed and had on a dress and I couldn't find her breasts. I saw a chest but I don't know where they went!

And the nominees for Best Picture...

Brokeback Mountain - about 2 gay cowboys
Capote - about gay novelist Truman Capote
Crash - about exploiting the underbelly of racial conflicts in LA


Geez... I am now happy to say I didn't see a one of them... and thanks to the Academy, I probably won't either. And as a note to gay people, blacks, whites, hispanics and iranians... do not send me hate mail. I'm only pointing out... oh screw it, send me hate mail anyway if ya want, especially bi-sexual, cute girls.

Special Note: If you kind of thought there is a tie-in here between this particular article, today's music, and today's anniversary of the fall of the Alamo... you are very perceptive.

Observations and Questions
Did you watch it? Did you see any of the movies that won? Do you have any cute, bi-sexual female friends that would enjoy being my pen pal?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1806, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Durham, England, poetress and my 18th cousin, twice removed. (Sonnets from the Portuguese - "How do I love thee...") And in the death department we find in 1836, the men of the Alamo.