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21 March 2006

AN ALLEGED MEMORY


L

ast night I read about a guy in Georgia who celebrated St. Patty's Day just a wee too much. He decided he needed to "relieve himself". Now most guys will look for a tree or an alley. This guy took it to new heights. He decided to pee into the gas tank of a State Troopers car. He was enjoying himself when a second cruiser pulled up and ask what he was doing. Said pee-er took off while pushing his equipment back into his pants. What an idiot! Everyone knows you do not stop mid-pee for anything. While he was running and trying to push everything back into his pants, he uncontrollably continued to pee. It was everywhere. The idiot.

For some unknown reason this news article brought back a horrible memory of 3 guys allegedly in the Navy and on Liberty on St. Thomas, the island in the Caribbean many years ago. It seems these three decided to go out for a nice evening allegedly taste-testing the islands fine wine listings. After about 15 minutes of said testings the tastings quickly went allegedly to Bourbon and Ginger, which of course quickly led to just straight Bourbon... and then eventually to allegedly whatever the bartender put in front of them.

On the way back to the ship, these three just happened to pass the St. Thomas City Hall. In front of the City Hall were three flag posts... one post had the U.S. flag, the middle one had the Danish flag and the third post had the Virgin Island flag. The allegedly three drunken sailors, being connoisseurs of fine wine and other nations' flags decided they allegedly needed that Danish flag.

They allegedly played paper, rock, scissors and the main sailor, who was quite handsome and a bon vivant of the world who allegedly went on to the world of Philadelphia politics, lost of course. He was elected to allegedly climb up the flag pole and retrieve the Danish flag. But what if the cops came along during the act? Since the good-looking sailor had to climb up the flagpole, the other two had to cause a diversion, just in case. It was decided that they would pee on the grass. While the courageous sailor was allegedly unhooking the Danish flag, his two idiot partners in crime began a pee fight on the ground. How disgusting.

Anyway, to make a stupid story really short, back to the ship they went, prize in hand. The next morning the main sailor allegedly awoke with the Danish flag allegedly wrapped around him and keeping him warm and toasty in the 90 degree weather of St. Thomas.

The moral of this story according to me the main, pole-climbing sailor was... well, he doesn't remember any moral now.

Observations and Questions
Have you ever done anything while you were drunk that you either laugh about now or are totally embarrassed to talk about?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1916, Harold Robbins, US, novelist (The Carpetbaggers). And in our Death Notices we find in 1921, "Big Jim" Colisimo, US gangster, murdered by Al Capone.
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