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12 March 2006

HAPPY, HAPPY SUNDAY!


G

ood morning, afternoon or evening to all the ships at sea and to any space aliens flying overhead! Sunday is always a 'odds 'n ends' kinda day. You're tempted not to write a major blog entry because hardly no one ever is on the computer on Sunday, which leads me to believe a lot of readers actually blog from work. Good going! Keep it up!

Sunday Morning Funnies



A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital for a few more days and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrives in heaven again, sees her guardian angel and says, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years!! "The angel replies, "Sorry. I didn't recognize you."

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The Blonde's Year in Review


January: took the new scarf I got for Christmas back to the store because it was just too tight!

February: Fired from my pharmacy job for failing to print labels - darn bottles kept jamming the printer.

March: Extremely excited because I finished a large jigsaw puzzle in 6 months - and the box said "2-4 yrs"! Ha!

April: Trapped on an escalator for hours when a spring storm knocked the power out!

May: Tried to make Kool Aid, but I'll be darned if 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June: Kept trying to go water skiing but could not find a lake with a slope.

July: Lost the breast stroke swimming competition. I learned later that all the other swimmers cheated - they also were using their freakin arms.

August: Got locked out of a car in rain storm which ruined the car since I had left the top down.

September: The capital of California is "C", isn't it?

October: Quit eating M & Ms. . .they are just too hard to peel.

November: Ruined Thanksgiving turkey after baking it for 4-1/2 hours, but the instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.

December: Christmas tree catches on fire, buring the house after I could not call 911. Where the heck is the "eleven" button the phone?

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Letter to Tide Detergent


Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used Tide all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another, and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

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Observations and Questions
Any exciting plans for today? What's for dinner? And can I come?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1939, Barbara Feldon, Pittsburgh PA, actress (Agent 99-Get Smart). And in our dusty death notices we find in 1945, Anne Frank, diarist (Diary of Anne Frank), killed in Belsen Camp.
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