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15 March 2006

I ADMIT IT... I AM BOTANICALLY CHALLENGED


T

here... I've finally said it. I am botanically challenged. I am so ashamed. To be blunt, I can't grow shit. To wit: over on the right here we have what use to be a vibrant growing plant. I forget what you call it now, but it was beautiful when I first bought it.


Perky, deep-lushed green leaves. The pride of my window. Then little by little the disgrace of it all set in, like a winter season closing in and around a little town, choking it off from life. My vibrant little what's-it's-name plant was slowly dying, right there in my window for the world to see.

I have been so good at killing plants I go to the Beyond Life Reduced Plant table at PlantMart. I buy plants that are just about dead. Buy 'em and they're dead in a week. This way I save time.

Why am I writing about this? I need your help. I know there must be several green-thumbed people out there. I water it once a week. I even turn it a quarter-turn every so often to keep it facing the light. And it's still dying.

I even play music for it! On the weekdays it's Sarah Brightman, Friday night I go with Enigma and close out the weekend with a little Eddie and the Cruisers. What more can I do? I even tried singing to plants on the way home from PlantMart but stopped after they were dead by the time I got them home.

On the other hand, I have a few artificial plants. They are doing wonderful! I dust them once a week and they look terrific!

Observations and Questions
What am I doing wrong? Is there something I SHOULD be doing that I'm not?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1858 Liberty Hyde Bailey US botanist (Plantbreeding). And in the death department in 44BC, beware the Ides of March... Julius Caesar assassinated in Roman Senate in the Portico of the Theater of Pompey.
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