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29 April 2006

CONGRATS TO THE WINNER


A

nd the first person to crack the mysterious and diabolically intricate "Denny Shane Code" was Lisa from Happiness is a Good Nap.

And now Lance Bellafuccio, our paid announcer, tell beautiful Lisa what she has won! "Well, Denny, Lisa from Idaho has won an all expense paid dinner for her and you at her favorite restaurant in Idaho. Along with dinner she will receive a gorgeous array of flowers from you. Dinner will include any entree she desires accompanying a delicious bottle of red wine! Back to youuuuu Denny.

Thanks Lance, let's hope Idaho has a restaurant that serves more than potatos or potatoes. And a special thanks to everyone else that entered, even though they lost... However in all fairness we did have a few lucky readers who also guessed the correct code. What have they won Lance? Well, Denny those lucky winners have won your undying admiration. And now back to youuuuu Denny!

The correct secret code was:


"IF YOU ARE YOUNG AND PRETTY OR OLD AND UGLY I WANT YOU"


Thanks again folks. Until the next contest, peace, love, happiness, joy, prosperity, good luck, adios, ciao, soyonora, bye bye and happy driving!

.. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- -. --. / .- -. -.. / .--. .-. . - - -.-- / --- .


H

ave you read about the judge's findings in London regarding the latest case brought against Dan Brown and The DaVinci Code?

A secret code embedded in the text of a court ruling in the case of Dan Brown's bestseller "The Da Vinci Code" has been cracked, but far from revealing an ancient conspiracy it is simply an obscure reference to a Royal Navy admiral.

British High Court Justice Peter Smith, who handed down a ruling that Brown had not plagiarized his book, had embedded his own secret message in his judgment by italicizing letters scattered throughout the 71-page document.

The judge's secret message was: "Jackie Fisher, who are you? Dreadnought," Tench wrote in the Guardian newspaper. Judge Smith is known as a navy buff, and Fisher was a Royal Navy admiral who developed the idea for a giant battleship called the HMS Dreadnought in the early 20th century.

Tench wrote that the judge had e-mailed him to confirm he had guessed the secret code right. The judge later confirmed the existence of the code, and revealed that the Fibonacci sequence was indeed the secret to its solution.

I guess now I should admit that I have been using a secret code on my blog for all this time. Yes, it's true. Ever notice at the end of some sentences I use ... and at the end of words I might use a --- ? Guess what? It's a secret code! Yes, now you have to figure it out! LOL


.. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- -. --. / .- -. -.. / .--. .-. . - - -.-- / --- .-. / --- .-.. -.. / .- -. -.. / ..- --. .-.. -.-- / .. / .-- .- -. - / -.-- --- ..-


Observations and Questions
So have you got it figured out yet? LOL

Here is a hint:
INDIEN U JONG EN MOOI OF OUD EN LELIJK ik BENT, WIL U
28 April 2006

GONE FISHING OR SOMEPLACE OR WHEREVER


27 April 2006

I AM NOT CRAZY! I AM NOT CRAZY! I AM NOT CRAZY!


O

h what a night! No wait, I meant "oh what a dream"... no, no, "oh what a damn nightmare"! It had to be the combination of pistachio nuts and cherry pie before I went to bed.


Had to be... come to think of it, I never had these strange dreams until after that 3rd stroke in February... hmmmm.

It all started very innocently as I was walking down the street, somewhere in Philly, minding my own business. I come to a corner and I walk into a glass wall. "That's strange", I say... With that, I go through the glass wall as if I was invisible. Now on the other side I see that I am in an office building of some kind with two large glass doors. I go through the doors looking for help.

Out from an office walks George Hamilton and he welcomes me. "Where am I?" I regret asking him. "Oh, you just lost your way, let me help you. Just go down this hallway." he smiles. I begin walking down the hallway... and walking, walking, walking, walking and WALKING. At the end of the hallway is a men's room, except there are men and women standing in line. Now I have to pee. I stand at the end of the line, but think this is crazy, I don't have to go that bad, it can wait until I get out of there. I start walking again and am now really lost. Hallways and hallways and hallways... no doors, just hallways. I begin to run...

Somehow I am outside, and everything is blocked off with chicken wire and I can't get out of this damn place. So what do I do? I change into my Superman outfit and begin to fly. I figure I can fly high enough to fly over the fence. There is no end to the fence... it goes and goes and goes... The ceiling or whatever I was in is now electrical wires and I can't get out. Guess what??

I gotta pee a little bit more urgently now. I figure I'll land and go back in and find that toilet again. Once inside I am met by assorted women in various stages of undress... all vying for my attention. I told them I wasn't interested and that I had to pee. They said, "Fine, we have ways of dealing with you." All of a sudden, the naked women were replaced with majorly ugly men, all naked. I started running again. This time faster... a lot faster!

There are stairs and I begin running up but the faster I ran the more I had to pee. This was getting ridiculous. I get to the top of the stairs and now I am outside again. Across the street is a iron fence... behind the fence is the Phillips Funeral Home owned by a longtime, good friend, Bill Phillips, in Philly, and ontop of it there is a sign. "Pee Here Now" it is blinking on and off... on and off... on and off.... My friend comes to the door and asks if I would like a "nice glass of chianti, ice cold." Oh geez. Now I am holding myself. I swear it is leaking out. I can't get through the gate, it's locked.

George Hamilton appears and asks if I am having problems and he can help. I say, "PLEASE... I really have to pee!" He laughs and tells me to go down the street a half block. (I'm not even going to go into the gang of black people, Puerto Ricans, and Hungarians that accosted me on the street). Anyway, I run down the street with this mob after me, and guess what? All of a sudden I am back inside this stupid building. I start down the hallway and come to a restaurant. The man at the front says, "Gotta pee?" and he points down the hall. (I think holding myself while jumping up and down maybe gave me away there). I run down the hall to find that first bathroom I came to and I ran in. Once in there, nothing worked... they didn't even have urinals... no sinks, not one stinking toilet.

Out I go, I think I was hopping now. I go through a door and there is another set of steps. I begin the climb all over again. I get to the top and guess who is there? George, right. He hands me a card and it says, "Congratulations, you have been fooled by ex-wife #1 and ex-wife #2 who have become good friends." I look up and there they are, laughing at me. Now I am really mad, PLUS I now have to pee like a race horse! I'm telling you, the sweat was pouring out of me.

Now I wake up (in real life) and bolt upright in bed! Guess what? Yes, I had to pee!... BIGTIME. I flee to the bathroom and must have gone 2 full minutes... no maybe 5 minutes... anyway I'm talking Niagara Falls here. So there is my dream.

P.S. And to the lovely, gorgeous, hot, sizzling female I was talking with after I logged on, I apologize for being so miserable... now you know why!

And a special P.S. to my psych Dr. at the VA. Go ahead hon, interpret this one! (the last time I wrote about one of my dreams not long ago, and she read it, and then asked if by chance if I brought my suitcase... whatever that meant.) And those 2 guys at her door, holding that grey jacket... how stupid they looked, it was 85 degrees out.

Observations and Questions
George Hamilton, nightmares and pee. Good grief! Have I hit blog-bottom?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1922, Jack Klugman, Philadelphia PA, actor (Oscar-Odd Couple, Quincy, Goodbye Columbus). And in the death notices today we find in 1076, Willem Bishop of Utrecht (1054-76), murderer of Earl Floris I, dies.
26 April 2006

AM I HERE? HELLO? ANYONE OUT THERE?


Y

ou're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop... the Denny Shane Zone!

Have I traveled into the Twilight Zone? Maybe I've died and I am in heaven? Nah, if anything I am on the lower floors.

I had enough of the days' activities... blogging, reading, writing, researching, grocery shopping, the post office and now I wanted some me time. You know, that special time of the day when I allow my brain to transform itself into the Denny Shane Bubble Gum Factory?

Previously I had watched the Nightly News and started flipping through the channels. There was a rehash of Court TV's coverage of the priest accused of murdering a nun 24 years ago... Click. Rerun of CSI #23 which I've seen 10 times... Click.

I finally decided on the SciFi channel. Yes, this is what I needed after watching the Nightly News... good old fashioned horror to take my mind off of world events. Somehow I thought I could better deal with watching people having their brains eaten and their intestines pulled out rather than watching one more car bombing in Iraq.

Got a glass of ice tea, fluffed my pillow and laid back and relaxed. Ooooohhhh, this felt good... so good... I looked over at the clock on the bookcase and it was 7:00 PM. Now, as unbelievable as this sounds... from the miniscule time it took for my eyes to go from clock back to TV, I fell asleep!! Dead to the world!!

The next thing I knew I opened my eyes and I swear they were still in mid-flight between the clock and TV. Of course I didn't know that I fell asleep until my eyes darted back to the clock and it said 12:01 AM. What???????? I looked at the TV... no zombie looking people munching on body parts... it was some psycho slasher movie.

I was dumb-founded. I looked around and all the lights were on, computer was whirring away, there were hundreds of instant messages. Now this wasn't the first time this has happened but I think it's the first time it happened so fast! Instantly.

Observations and Questions
Has this ever happened to you?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1904, Cardinal Paul E. Leger, Archbishop (Montreal Quebec Canada). And rounding out the death notices we find on this date in 1989, Lucille Ball, comedienne/actress (I Love Lucy), dies of a massive heart attack at 78.
25 April 2006

WOE IS ME I SAYETH


Y

es, it appears the cards have spoken. Earlier this morning I was over on my bud's blog, PDD and she apparently got her blog idea today from another bud, The Phoenix. They both wrote about tarot cards and their future. And to be honest they both got my curiosity flowing. To be completely honest, PDD, gets my curiosity flowing much more than Phoenix. Anyway... I decided to take out my deck of Tarot cards, which happen to be the Pamela Bellafuccio deck along with The Bellafuccio Pictorial Key to the Tarot. Both of which are highly regarded in the Tarot and Unabridged Bingo worlds.


It's been awhile since I've de-vined myself however I wanted to give it the old college try!

I should have known better... Sigh. As you can see, the very first card I turned over was The Hanged Man. Ok, no big deal as it was only the first card. With confidence I turned over the 2nd ominous card... Death. Okee dokee... I was just a bit cautious now as I flipped over the 3rd card... The Lovers! Now we're talking... or so I thought. According to The Legend, the last card is all powerful and should not be taken lightly. This card takes precedence over all others. Benito Mussolini had his cards read, drew the hanged man and within a week, he was hung upside down.



My fingers trembled as I touched the last card. I began to hear The Deguello playing softly in the background. This was not a good sign, which can be attested to by the courageous men of the Alamo, had any of them lived. I shut my eyes and flipped it over! GASP! The most dreaded tarot of them all!!! The infamous No Life card. I slumped back into my chair. One night a hundred years ago, little Lizzie Borden's mom and dad were bored and pulled out a tarot deck for the fun of it. Neither believed in them but kept them around for parties. They drew the horrid No Life card. They laughed and went to bed. Doomed I tell ya! Doomed!!

Why did I try to amuse myself... Curses on PDD and the Phoenix for giving me this stupid idea in the first place.

Observations and Questions
Do you believe in the Tarot? Ever had your cards read?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1940, Al Pacino, New York NY, actor (The Godfather) and in the death notices we find in 1995, Ginger Rogers, actress/dancer (Top Hat, Stage Door), dies at 83.
24 April 2006

2-4-6-8, WHO DO WE APPRECIATE?


A

ltogether now! Olga! Olga! Olga!!! Yeaaaaaa, Olga!

Yes, I thought so also. I mean come on... I sent her a picture of my head pasted ontop of some guys body with his... well no difference, there was a black thing across it. Only my mother assumed it was a dirty picture. Then of course I point blank asked if the whole thing was a scam. Finally after getting her bathing suit picture, I had to ask for naked pictures. At that point, y'all might remember that Olga stopped writing her provocative emails. My heart was crushed. Yes, now I know how Romeo felt when Juliet committed suicide. She did, didn't she? Shame Shakespeare is dead as this would have made a better story.

If any of the new readers to my blog would like to do some background checking.... you can find the whole sordid story in last month pile of newspapers over on the left, at the bottom.

Anyway, when I never heard back from her, dejected as I was, I took it like a man and assumed my torrid online, email romance was caput! or for those familiar with Russian as we say... caputski!

Now fast forward... I join an online thing called Postcards.com You get 5 names and addresses to send postcards to, and in return 5 other people around the world get 5 names to send postcards to... Get the idea? So after about receiving 100 postcards, then a bombshell. It has got to be a joke, but a pretty funny one. It's interesting however since if you remember Olga wasn't her real name. I made the name up to protect her real name, Katerina, just in case the whole thing was real and she was legit. I get the following card:



FINALLY, Blogger decides to work now that half the day is over. Now I need my blood pressure meds!
23 April 2006

KNOCK, KNOCK... GUESS WHO...


I

s it possible? After all this time, is Olga sending me a secret message? Check in tomorrow when I reveal the postcard I recently received!




In the meantime, don't forget to check out Michael Mannings blog, you'll be surprised!
22 April 2006

IN HONOR OF


D

o Nothing Day, I am not doing a blog entry. See y'all tomorrow! or Monday if I am overwhelmed with celebrating Do Nothing Day and am incapacitated tomorrow.

20 April 2006

EVER WAKE UP


O

n the wrong side of the bed and not know why? Right now it's 2AM and I've been awake for an hour. I am in such a pissy mood right now that if a kitten walked in front of me, it would be the last time it walked in front of anyone.

I hate when this happens. I think I am normally an upbeat person and never let my true emotions surface on the "News." That's not why you are here... you have enough grief and irritations in your own life and you don't need to read about mine. Or maybe you do and it takes your mind off of your own troubles. Shrug.

I have a question. You know when you write a sentence and you have a quote in there... at the end of the sentence is a period. Does the quotation mark go after the period or before the period? Such as in the paragraph above where I wrote "News." "News". Where does the period go? I like to be correct so I don't give any bloggers a reason to blast me about it. (In case you missed it there is a hidden meaning/reason in this paragraph).

I very rarely give a lot of thought to what I am writing. I usually sit down with my cup of coffee and start typing. Whatever comes out of my fingers onto the keys is what I say or think... To me then you are getting the really "fresh" me.

You're almost peering into my mind as I think. Like this article today. I had no idea of what I was going to write until I sat down and the words simply started coming out onto the page, so to speak. I like it that way. Who knows, by 4AM and I re-read this I might say, "what the hell was I thinking?"

WARNING!
The following depicts full frontal male nudity.

Maybe I need to go back to bed and wake up again... on the right side of the bed. Wait... I do get up on the right side of the bed I think. If I am laying on my back then I get out of the bed on my right side. But if I am laying on my stomach, the right side now becomes the left side... Crap. See what I mean?


Please look at the detailed diagram at right. As you can see in Figure A I am sleeping on my stomach, which is my normal sleeping pattern. Now if I wake up then my left arm is therefore on the left side of the bed, right?

However, to demonstrate my problem... take a look at Figure B. Now ladies, I am sorry but I sleep in the nude. If the picture offends you then please turn your head away.

Ok, in Figure B we see me sleeping on my back, BUT my right arm is now on the same side of the bed as in Figure A which is now the right side of the bed as seen in Figure B.

So... which side am I getting out of bed on? The left or the right?

Now you can see why, when I bring these problems to my psych at the VA Hospital she sits with her head in her hand and shakes her head while she writes.


Observations and Questions
Got any complaints?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1926, Elizabeth [Alexandra Mary Windsor II], Queen of England (1952- ). Happy Birthday Cuz... And in the death notices we find in 1910, Mark Twain, [Samuel Langhorne Clemens], author(Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn), dies in Redding CT at 74.

I HAVE A QUESTION...


W

hen you blog, and I mean when you write your blog items... do you keep in mind "what will my family think?" or do you just blog and could care less about what your family thinks?

I ran across a situation yesterday that made me think about how we write, what we write and how things are perceived on things we write about on our blogs. A few days ago I sent an email to someone in my family (whose name I won't put here, God forbid the neighbors might talk) I sent an email with one of these prayer emails we've all gotten at one time or another. You know the kind, say the prayers and then forward it to 50,000 people or you will be smoted to death. Anyway, I got an email back from someone and they asked if I could resend it without my blog address at the bottom. I was puzzled and asked "why?" The response was that they didn't want any of their friends to know about my blog and read it.

"What's wrong with my blog?", I stupidly asked. "Well, for one thing, that picture you put of the naked guy with your head pasted on his shoulders." Laugh. "Mom, oopps, he wasn't naked, he had a black stripe across his privates." "He was naked and it's embaressing." Sigh... "It was funny!" "No, it wasn't"... Okay, you get the drift of how the conversation went.

I know there are readers out there who have secret blogs just to avoid this situation. You are free to write whatever is on your mind.... free to be you. Now I know there are many members of my family that read this blog, but never mention it nor comment. But accordingly, I have found out that they all talk about it to each other. And it's never how funny it is, how clever it is or interesting. Nope, I am a slut and garbage monger. They should be happy I control myself and don't write HALF the stuff I would like to write about! Like the dreams I have about Kelly Monaco running naked through my apartment.

My psych at the VA constantly tells me that she thinks this is a good exercise for me... it's an excellent avenue to let out all of my frustrations and pent up thoughts.

Observations and Questions
I am wondering if I should start a "secret" blog like so many of you have... and really let loose. Only inviting my blogging friends and no one else.... y'all understand, right?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1923, Tito Puente, Puerto Rico, bandleader and in the death notices we find in 1996, Christopher Robin Milne, bookseller/son of writer A A Milne (Winnie the Pooh), dies at 75.
19 April 2006

BLOGGERS BLOCK #54


N

ormally by this time of the morning, 4:45AM, I have something to write about and offer you. Sigh. Yes, that 'sigh' means exactly what it sounds like... I have bloggers block... again.

So in a panic attack, I have searched for interesting news in the world, to wit:

1. Just when I thought items in the news couldn't get any worse, I see this morning that President Bush has refused to rule out nuclear strikes if diplomacy failed to curb the Islamic Republic's of Iran's atomic ambitions. That's it Bushy baby, you tell 'em! either stop making bombs or we're gonna drop a bomb on you. Hmmm...

2. Bush admits to hearing voices! "I hear the voices. And I read the front page. And I know the speculation. But I'm the decider. And I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense," Bush said.

3. Do you know what an Atalatl is? I just found out this morning. The atlatl consists of a wooden pole about two feet long that, when wielded like a lacrosse stick, releases a spear about six to seven feet long. My old stomping ground of a State is considering allowing these weapons to be used for deer hunting as in ancient times. The atlatl is the ultimate in hunting cruelty because it will carry a high wounding rate, leaving animals who are struck by its spear to die a lingering death from infection, loss of blood, dehydration and hunger. I am so glad I am not a sportsman.

4. Kevin Hall now has a civil suit pending against Cheshire County jail officials, in New Hampshire, accusing them of failing to provide him proper medical treatment for his self-inflicted injuries. Ummm Kevin spent his time awaiting trial eating broken teacups and shards of metal. Hall says he sustained injuries that required $40,000 in medical treatment to remove materials from his intestines.

Observations and Questions
Now that I have pretty much successfully scraped the bottom of the barrel looking for something to write about this morning... anything on your mind?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1933 Jayne Mansfield, [Vera Jane Palmer], Bryn Mawr PA, actress (Guide for the Married Man, Girl Can't Help It, Too Hot to Handle). And in the death notices this date we find in 1882, Charles Robert Darwin, evolutionist (Origin of Species), begins his evolution into dust.
17 April 2006

WELL, LET'S SEE NOW...


E

aster is over and I've poked fun at the Easter Bunny, the Bible, the Church... did I miss anything? Did I tell you I have a nice spot picked out for myself down below? I'm pretty sure after this week that is where I am headed, especially after the article suggesting that God may actually be an alien on another planet.

Coming up next is Mother's Day... nah, I'm not going there. Then we have Memorial Day... I'm not touching that one either. Then in June we have flag day... and the flag is getting enough abuse in the rest of the world so I'll let that one go without comment. 4th of July? Nope. Geez, I am going into a draught here. I may actually have to write something serious here.

Is there anything you have wondered, "I wonder what Denny Shane thinks about this or that?" Hey, I'm game. I guess by now you have reached the conclusion that I have nothing for today. I have been struggling for 2 hours to come up with something. I know, I know, you're sitting there thinking how can I have nothing when my articles are so well written and thought out that I must prepare them days in advance, huh?

Wrong... I usually begin preparing them about 3 minutes before I start typing. Then about 2 minutes to go, I break into a little sweat. At one minute, my pupils begin to dilate and I go into heavy panic breathing. Now you know the truth about how my articles are born.

The one thing in the news that is really irritating me is this immigration situation. Georgia now has a law that cracks down on illegal entry... from where? Alabama?? While Arizona's Governor vetoed a bill that would allow immigrants to be prosecuted as trespassers. The immigrants, who are not citizens, are demanding that they be given health care, food stamps AND subsistence checks. Here I am a citizen, having spent 4 years of my life in the Navy, trying to live on Social Security Disability. What's wrong with this picture?

Moving right along... 17 May... that's the date when The DaVinci Code moves to the big screen. Yes, I'll be going. I still have severe reservations about Tom Hanks playing the lead. He is so over-rated.

Opus Dei, a small Catholic sect with strong ties to the Vatican and depicted in the book and movie as a bunch of secretive cabal members of murderous monks who drug people, lie and steal to achieve wealth and power in the name of God. I can see where they might be a bit upset.

In a Good Friday sermon at St. Peter's Basilica, Father Ramiero Cantalamessa, speaking before Pope Benedict XVI, attacked the book and the upcoming film as "pseudo-historic" works aimed at undermining the Church's authority.

Observations and Questions
Ok, that's enough of my brain ramblings for this morning. Anything running around inside your head? Anybody wanna go to Hell with me?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1480 Lucretia Borgia, murderess, (poison), daughter of Pope Alexander VI. And in the death notices in 1679, Hofmannswaldau, writer, died.

JESUS, MARY MAGDALENE, JUDAS AND THE EASTER BUNNY


T

hese are all the main people that went through my mind yesterday on Easter Sunday, all vying for my attention. Ok, the Easter bunny isn't a people but he/she/it was in there running around throwing chocolate cream-filled eggs at everyone else in there.

Now most of you already know that I am a Catholic... a Roman Catholic to be exact. Born Catholic, raised Catholic and still one today. Now the Catholic church ingrains into you that the Catholic religion is the one, true religion and if you do not believe in their teachings you are almost certainly going to spend eternity you know where...

After waking up yesterday morning and finding out the Easter bunny didn't stop by my house again, I spent the day flipping through the television channels trying to expand my mind. My mind is so expanded right now I think it's going to explode big time.

I'm not going to write about Jesus here. We all agree that there was someone named Jesus. Where some of our brothers and sisters disagree is who he was... and I'm not even going to discuss that aspect... since it's a mute point. You either believe Jesus was who he says he was or you don't. End of story.

But Mary Magdalene and Judas Iscariot captures my imagination... especially since the Nag Hammurabi and the Dead Sea Scrolls have been found and examined ad infinitum.

Way back when... we have the Holy Roman emperor, Constantine, who simply was tired of the differences between the gospels and the teachings of the Catholic church, especially since he was a recent convert. He gathers all of the various religious leaders from the known world and tells them that they need to form one cohesive Bible and all start teaching the same thing. So they begin going through all of the gospels known to man. Some made the final cut and are in the Bible as we know it today. Other gospels, for one reason or another were thrown out and ordered to be burned. Whether or not they were true, they were not included.

Back then in Constantine's time they treated females on the same scale as an animal. They could not have the fact that Mary Magdalene was an integral part of the early church. But they could not have a female running around being the closest apostle to Jesus. Constantine ordered all gospels by Mary to be thrown out and destroyed. Still with me here? Some church leaders, secretly decided they were throwing nothing out and kept these gospels in hiding places to preserve them. They felt that someday the truth needed to be told. The Nag Hammurabi scrolls that have been found, are the scrolls hidden by the church people who wanted these truths to be preserved and refused to burn them. Now there is growing thought within the church that the gospel of John was actually written by Mary Magdalene. Well...well...well... Stand up and be counted Mary.

Then on top of all that along comes Henry VIII and the King James version of the Bible. He sits down and starts eliminating pages that he doesn't like or doesn't agree with... that way it will fit with his thinking. Thanks to ol' Henry we now have 50 or 60 branches of Protestants, Methodists, Calvinist, etc... and let's not forget the Jews. They don't have any New Testament... they like the Old Testament just fine.

A new monkey wrench...

Now we have the new discovery authenticated by experts around the world, INCLUDING some Catholic factions of the church that Judas wasn't the scoundrel as previously thought. He was directed by Jesus to betray him. Someone had to do it? Why not Judas? More to come as details emerge.

Are you confused now? Welcome to my world this morning. I know, I know, my blog is gonna be smited right off the face of the planet.



Observations and Questions
What do you think? If you don't want to comment, and I understand that... then what did the Easter bunny bring you?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1937, the one and only Daffy Duck, Burbank, Calif., animated character. And in the non-animated death notices we find in 1945, Hannie Schaft "Girl with red hair", executed by the Nazis.
16 April 2006

HAPPY EASTER


E

veryone! And if you don't believe in the real purpose of Easter, then at least I hope the Easter bunny brings you a lot of goodies.

Believers or not, I hope the day is fun and pleasant for all of you!

14 April 2006

DOES GOD REALLY LIVE ON NEPTUNE PX3748?


Y

es, we meet again, only today it is 12:58AM and I woke up an hour ago. This sucks. But this isn't going to be about my sleeping habits today. I watched a show last night that featured people from the Bible and explored the idea that God is really an alien from an intelligent planet. I nearly fell off my chair.

And while Moses really did go up Mt. Sinai, when he got to the top and the bush was burning he was transported into a space ship where he received the ten commandments. And people wonder what's wrong with people in the world. There are actual organizations around the world that believe in this stuff. And did Jesus really arise from the dead on Easter? Yes, he was empowered by the space aliens to rise up from the dead. If you remember your Bible lessons, every thing spectacular was accompanied by a brilliant light from above. You think this was God huh? According to these people it was a space ship sending down words of wisdom and things.

This show wasn't on the SciFi channel either. I forget exactly what channel now... I'm pretty sure it wasn't the Catholic Channel either.

This got me to wondering. As you know from the other days' article, I announced that my blog had gone international. But I did notice a very strange figure in the data. Please look at the display to the right where you will see all 7 continents on the planet. Notice anything a little strange? There are 449 visits from "Unknown". There are only 7 continents on our planet. So where did the other 449 visitors come from?

Are you thinking what I am thinking? Yes, they are coming from Neptune PX3748! If you remember my blog was beamed into outer space a few months ago and this unknown figure has been going up since then. Hmmmm... go ahead, laugh and smirk.

ATTENTION SPACE ALIENS Hello up there and welcome to earth! I knew you existed! If you have any suggestions for my blog please come to me in a dream tonight. But if I am already dreaming about Kelly Monaco in my bed, please do not disturb me with your junk."

Observations and Questions
So..... ummm... oh just say what's on your mind.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1972, my first daughter, Joanne. Happy Birthdy Joanne! And in the dusty death notices we find in 1990, Greta Garbo, actress (Anna Karenina, Camille), dies at 84.
13 April 2006

WILL YOU HELP ME TO GET OFF?


O

h get your minds out of the gutter... not that. I want to get off this merry-go-round I am on lately. I'm talking about my sleeping habits of late. Every so often I get into a cycle where I simply cannot sleep. Right now it's 1:37 AM Friday morning and I woke up at 11:30 PM Thursday night and I am now awake for the rest of the night/morning/whatever. I've even resorted to sleeping pills. I think I have an immunity to them.

Do you have any idea how boring it is at this time of the morning and nobody is online? I looked at all three of my instant messenger things and not one soul was on... everyone else in the world was sleeping. So here I sit, drinking coffee, trying to figure out what I should do with myself. I wish I was friendly with someone in Europe... they're awake now. You know, idle chit-chat like "how are the kids?" "how's the husband?" "what are you wearing?" If there's anyone awake over there in Italy, I am here, wide awake! France? England? Sheesh... the Bahamas?

Do you ever have these problems? What do you do when it happens? I guess I could resort to cleaning my apartment. I am looking around... the cleaning will wait.

Maybe I should read. The main bookcases are in the living room but I have a smaller one here in the office. Let's see here: The Mummy by Anne Rice, The Bible, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, The Pictorial Key to the Tarot, Spanish-English Dictionary... and the phone book. I cancelled HBO last week... sigh, I am doomed.

Let's see I started this article at what? 1:27AM... it's now 1:45AM Oh geez, it's gonna be a long night.

Observations and Questions
Does this happen to you? What do you do?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1977, Sarah Michelle Gellar, actress (Kendall-All My Children, Buffy) and in the death notices today we find in 1995 Burl Ives folk singer/actor (Cat on a Hot Tin Roof), dies at 85.

MY BRUSH WITH e|HARMONY DATING


Y

es, I know what you're thinking. Now why would Denny Shane, world bon vivant and all-around great guy have to resort to an online dating service to get women. Well folks, I've even asked myself that question, a few, quite a few, OK, a LOT of times! Sheesh.

After seeing Dr. Neil Whatever on his TV commercials taunting finding your soulmate at the deepest levels, I figured what the hell. This is where I could possibly meet my ex #3. Have you ever visited the site and took the free personality test, a $49 value, free? I did and I answered every question absolutely truthfully. I just wanted to see if there really was a match out there for me based on my deepest levels of emotion.

A few days went by while I cruised the internet porn sites hoping to find my one, true love. I had email from Dr. Neil. Yes! They found the one person out of the millions who filled out the questionnaire who would love me for who I really was deep down! They actually scientifically matched us up on our compatibility.



Eureka! They actually found my match and I could spend the rest of my life with! I raced to the website and entered the required info for me. There she was.... a complete outline based on our interests and answers. There was no picture of her, but that was okay with me as long as she was very like-minded and we could get along, despite the fact that she lived somewhere in Bolivia.

I noticed something amiss with her answers. There was a part where I was asked what I was looking for and I checked: I am a Man, looking for a Woman. My perfect match checked: I am a Woman, looking for a Man. What a co-incidence!

I kid you not. THAT was the closest we came to matching. I was astonished! and then... for $49.00 for 3 months, if I didn't like her, eHarmony would continue to search the world for me! Wow, what a deal! A date and get screwed all for $49.00!

Observations and Questions
Seriously, do I look as though I have the word "Schmuck" tattooed on my forehead?

New Look Department
I have decided to adopt a new look, in order to attract females. Which one do you prefer? HINT: If you select #1 or #3, ummm you're too late. Maybe I'll write about the full ordeal tomorrow.




Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1852, Frank W Woolworth, 5 & 10 cent store king, (Woolworths). And in the death notices we find in 1984, Christopher Wilder, FBI's "most wanted man", accidentally kills self.
11 April 2006

HERE SHE COMES... AND THERE SHE GOES


M

iss Iraq... ok, I need to work on the words and lyrics a little. I wanted to bring you a really good story today but figured the Jennifer, Brad and Angelique story has been a tad over-done, even though I have discovered nude photos of the three of them. However, as you know, I'll stop at nothing in order to bring you the hottest news here for the Not So Normal News, your source for up-to-the-minute hard breaking world news.

About a month ago, under heavy guard and secrecy, Iraq held the latest Miss Iraq contest. A winner was selected and announced. No big fanfare, no runway walk, Bert Parks couldn't be found to sing. Months after Iraq's election, the country still has no national government. Now, four days after the election of Miss Iraq, it doesn't have a beauty queen either. The winner stepped down after religious extremists called her "the queen of infidels."

It gets worse... the pageant officials jus HAD to have a Miss Iraq, so they went to the runner-up. She laughed and declined. The officials, dodging bullets and land mines went to runner-up Miss 3rd Place. She was in progress of secretly exiting the country and refused to talk to them.

On their hands and knees they crawled to the 4th place person... viola!! she accepted! As if it were her best night alive she even gave an "acceptance" speech. I shook my head. I'm not sure if it was in disbelief or in sorrowful sympathy and pity. I really wish the competition was held publicly. I can only wonder what the talent portions of the contest were like.

Observations and Questions
Now I ask... no, no... I can't ask that... ok, you tell me what you think of this situation?

Other International News

Just for the heck of it I checked some stats to see just how far reaching the Not So Normal News is delivered. I was speechless... kinda. Here are the countries to which the "News" is delivered and read:

United States, Great Britain, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Czech Republic, The Netherlands, Germany, Belize, Spain, India, Philippines, Norway, France, Malaysia, Sweden, Japan, Italy, Portugal, Hong Kong, Greece, Belgium, Israel, Portugal, Taiwan, Turkey, Switzerland, South Africa, Brazil, Romania, Finland, Indonesia, Mexico, Korea, Ireland, Denmark, Austria, Poland, Argentina, United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Thailand, Chile, Iceland, Iran, Barbados, Pakistan, Morocco, Slovenia, Ukraine, Hungary, Luxembourg, Egypt, Russia, Uruguay, Estonia, Qatar, Columbia, Venezuela, Latvia, Croatia, Cote D'Ivorie, Lithuania, Zimbabwe, Bahrain, Senegal, Peru, Nigeria, Serbia, Montenegro, Vietnam, Puerto Rico, Oman, Bolivia, Brunei, The Bahamas, Jordan, Cape Verde, Kuwait, Nepal, Dominican Republic, Malawi, Mauritius, Maldives, Ecuador, Jamaica, Malta, Bulgaria, Cocos, Keeling Islands, Monaco, Guam, Cambodia, Mongolia, Liechtenstein, China, Guatemala, Ghana, Slovakia, Macedonia, Cyprus, Kyrgystan, Myanmar, Bosnia, Herzegovina and Republic of Georgia.

There are countries here that represent all 7 continents in the world! Damn, I am humbled here.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1801 Henry de Cock, Dutch reformed vicar/secession leader. I would have definitely changed my name. And in the death notices we find in 1989, Sugar Ray Robinson, [Walker Smith Jr], world welterweight champion, (1946-51)/5-time middleweight champion, dies of Alzheimers at 67.
10 April 2006

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN


B

oys and Girls of all ages... Step right on up and see who won the 1st Annual Name That Thong Contest sponsored by the blogworld's most interesting newspaper, The Not So Normal News. It gives me great pleasure to crown:

The Peanut Queen


the 2006 winner of the First Annual Thong Contest. Miss Peanut Queen will receive her blazing white thong with her winning quote splashed across the tiny little front for all the world to see in Florida there.

To secure votes it was reported to the News that PQ was spotted along Florida's main highway soliciting votes. Trudging through back alleys, even throwing around flyers at Disney World! Peanut Queen pulled out all of the stops which included a private showing of her in her thong, if she won, to Raul if he helped her campaign.


PQ... how disgusting. Raul will be hand delivering your thongy thingy shortly.

In the early hours, the competition was tough. While another good thong quote "Eat My Lasagne" submitted by PDD took the early lead, but as the day wore on, PDD was overcome with a giant surge forward on Peanut Queens behalf. Peanut Queen actually blogged about the contest and begged bartered bribed requested that her readers come to this blog and vote for her thong. Excellent political move there Queenie.

The Official Results



Thank you to everyone that participated either by submitting an entry or by voting for all of the really great slogans!

As I mentioned if you would like to buy a thong with the slogans from the contest, for a mere $9.99. They are on view at Not So Normal Gift Shop. Your purchase will also help me out immensely as I stupidly paid my car note TWICE this month and they won't refund me the money. Blah and Ugh!

ELECTION DAY HAS ARRIVED


The Great Thong Election of 2006


has finally arrived! Today only, you will be able to cast your vote for your favorite Thong. We received a nice amount of slogans and I wish I could award a thong to everyone that entered unfortunately I'm not that rich.

Election Rules

You can only vote ONCE. I think I've selected a system that will allow you to only vote once. I know in your exhuberance you will try and stuff the ballot box with your favorite. As a former politician I know how ummm overly interested people can be in elections. But if I see that security has been breached, not only will Guido Bellaffuccio (see below) be upset and come visit you, but I will be upset because then I will have to declare the election null and void and figure something else out. That's the main rule. If I think of any more as the day goes along I will and not necessarily post them either. My game, my rules... so there!

Everytime someone votes, their IP is sent to my email. So I will know if you try and vote twice. If you do and your thong should come out of top, guess what? You won't win! Win honestly and we'll have some fun and maybe do it again with a tshirt or something. Screw it up for everybody and I'll really be upset... otherwise have fun! lol

Election Day Polling Problems
What would election day be without gliches. I discovered that this particular poll will only allow 100 people in to vote or see if they can vote. Once it hits 100 then it closes down and no one will be able to vote. So PLEASE, once you vote, PLEASE do not go back to see if you can vote again... because even though you will not be able to vote a 2nd time, the program will assume you are a voter and tick off one spot. Know what I mean? Please refrain from the attempt.

Vote For Thong Voting Has Ended 8PM CST 10 April 2006


Check Back in the morning to see who won!
09 April 2006
08 April 2006

BIG VOTE TO START MONDAY


F

rom Monday morning until Monday night you will be able to vote for what you think is the best thong entry in our first Thong-Off Contest.

Below and to the right we see Guido "Fast Fingers" Bellaffucio, in an extremely rare photograph, other than in his FBI files which he claims his hair wasn't combed. Anyway he will oversee the elections to ensure fairness. All disputes will be handled by Mr. Bellafuccio in the only way he knows how and no one ever disputes him again. He is incognito for many reasons.

We trust that if you run into Mr. Bellafuccio on voting day, you will give him all courtesies and respect. He is very big on respect.

All of the entries are in and ready to go! Listed below and to the left of Guido... err Mr. Bellafuccio, a sample of what the voting ballot will look like and the system I have come up with to make sure there is no ballot stuffing! lol


It is designed to make sure you can only vote once, not that I think you would ever vote twice or a thousand times in the contest. Oh no, not y'all. lol.

Voting Instructions
When you click on the link I provide you will automatically, by way of magic be taken to a special voting place where upon landing you will see a nice welcome message from me. Then you click "continue" and are whisked into the voting booth and there you will make your selection for whichever Thong you like. After completing the voting process you will be taken to a Thank You message from me and after completion, I think you will be brought back here. I think because not all the bugs have been worked out of this sophisticated procedure.



In Other Breaking News...

Has anyone heard about these new scrolls that they discovered about Judas? This should be really interesting to see how it works out. It only took the church 1500 years to admit that Mary Magdalene wasn't a prostitute and then made her a saint. Move over Mary, Judas is on his way!

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1614 El Greco, [Domenikos Theotokopoulos], Iraklion Crete Greece, painter (View of Toledo) and in the death notices we find in 1973, Pablo (Ruiz y) Picasso, Spanish/French painter (Guernica), dies near Mougins France at 91.
06 April 2006

TONIGHT IS THE DEADLINE


A

t midnight. That's right folks. Tonight at midnight is the deadline for entering the First Annual Thong Contest. Get your slogan entry to me by that time to be included in the contest. So far here are the slogans I've received. If by some chance, you entered and you don't see your slogan, let me know right away.

I decided not to attach names with the slogans since I wanted you to vote when I put the contest thing up on Monday to vote for the thong and not the creator. But first a word from our sponsor: Yes friends, you can order one or all of the thongs mentioned here. Simply go to Thong Contest, select the one you like and we'll have it shipped to you in no time. All thongs are a mere $9.99 plus s&h. Now you can go to Victoria's Secret and pay an arm and a leg for one, but you'll look pretty darn funny walking around with only one leg sticking through the thong. And now back to our regularly scheduled contest entries!

1st Annual Thong Contest


1. Read Between the Lines

2. Yes, the carpet matches the curtains

3. Cracks Are Us.

4. Do Not Disturb

5. Don't Ask, Don't Tell

6. Enter At Own Risk

7. One Size Fits All

8. I Floss Daily

9. Got Crack?

10. You Are The One To Find The Gummibears

11. Eat My Lasagne

12. One Million Served

13. Warning! Nothing Normal About The News Here

14. Panty Lines Suck

15. Welcome at The Pearly Gate

16. You're In The Presence of Royalty, Shouldn't You Be On Your Knees?

17. Rude, Crude and Socially Unacceptable

18. Runway Inn

19. Safety Equipment Required

20. And You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Thong

21. They Make Things Bigger In Texas

22. My Other Thong Is A Victoria's Secret

23. Warm Me Up Please

24. Sweetie Pie

And there you have them as the list stands so far. View the entries submitted so far at Thong Contest Any favorites you like? And no, your favorite will not be counted as a vote until the actual voting begins on Monday, when you will really vote.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1928 James [Scott Bumgarner] Garner Norman OK, actor (Rockford Files, Bret Maverick) and in the death notices we find in 0030 Jesus crucified by Roman troops in Jerusalem (scholars' estimate, according to astronomer Schaefer).
05 April 2006

THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE....


T

he winner of the 1st Annual What's Wrong With This Picture? Is..... Reach. Don, tell the nice folks what Reach has won... Well Denny, Reach has won (fanfare) absolutely nothing other than having the name Reach being placed on your blog for all the world to see for all time!

Even though Reach did win, one glaring mistake was missed. The scene takes place inside a schoolroom, right? Name me one schoolroom you know of that has a park bench inside the room? And some people even mentioned the bench but only because the leg was on the wrong side in each caption. But no one mentioned the whole bench itself. Thanks to all that played along. That was fun... well? wasn't it?

And now just because I have nothing else to say: (except, see the tshirt over on the left? Mine arrived in the mail yesterday and I am wearing it today! It looks pretty damn cool!), now back to our regularly scheduled blog:

You Are Pretty Damn Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!
How Weird Are You?



You Are The Devil

You don't represent evil, but you do represent the animalistic side of humans. You demonstrate what happens when we listen to our first instincts. At times you tend to be materialistic and hedonistic, giving in to temptation. Admit it, you're guilty of acting first - and forgetting to think later!

Your fortune:

Right now, you may be having a difficult time as a result of choices you have made.
You need to think about what's important in your life, and discover what chains you down. It is the time to acknowledge your faults and take steps to overcome them.
It's also the time to let go of any fears or inhibitions that are holding you back.
What Tarot Card Are You?


Observations and Questions
What's going on in your life today?

The First Annual Not So Normal Thong Contest
Tomorrow is the very last day for submitting your thong slogan. View the entries submitted so far at Thong Contest

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1806, Elizabeth Barrett Browning poet (Sonnets from the Portuguese). Also born this day in 1483 was Rafael [Sanzio] artist, (Sistine Madonna) and in the death notices for today we find in 1520, Raphael [Sanzio] artist (Sistine Madonna), dies on his 37th birthday. "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Ra...quick someone call 911"

AND IT WAS SO OBVIOUS


M

aybe y'all are way too nice to bring it up and say something. You didn't want to embarrass me, right? Well okay, but now here is your chance!

It's very rare that I do this but for some reason yesterday I decided to do something a little bit cute. Did you read and observe anything wrong with my blog entry? Anything at all? Guess what? There are three a lot of glaring mistakes, very cleverly incorporated into the cartoon. Did you see them? Perhaps but like I said you didn't want to drag my brain through the mud and stand me up to ridicule. For that I thank you.

Now I know there may be a few among you that will see the mistakes and say, "But Denny, that is totally acceptable and not a mistake." Yes, that may be true but this is my blog and if I say something is wrong, then there is something wrong!

I know you are totally excited now and asking, "Cool, what do I win?" Equally as exciting is the answer, "Nothing!" That's right this contest has no prize at all, just the self-gratification that you will see your name printed here on the News as the winner and most observant.

In the case of a tie or multiple ties... well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Also, is it painfully obvious to anyone that I am really, really scraping the bottom of the barrel for something to write about today?

Observations and Questions
After careful study... the answers please?

The First Annual Not So Normal Thong Contest
Check out the latest entries in the Thong Contest

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1977, Sevilay Ozturk, both Miss Turkey and Miss Universe (1996) and in our death notices we find in 1976, Howard Hughes reclusive billionaire, dies at 72.
04 April 2006

PSSST... GOTTA AN EXTRA $55 TO $350?


A

nd if you are a Madonna fan, you can get yourself to her new concert set to kick-off on 21 May 2006 in Los Angeles. Her long awaited World Is My Dance Floor tour will cruise around the U.S. to 13 different cities, including Philly but not Houston. Then to the rest of the world with 10 more concerts from London to Amsterdam.


You going? Is anyone a Madonna fan these days? Is the Material Girl still hot or has she been subdued by her fake and reserved English living while playing the part of an English manor-born across the pond? I've often thought that looking down her nose at people has become an artform for Miss Madonna Louise Ciccione born 16 August 1958 in Bay City , Michigan at exactly 0700 hrs. CDST.

Do you like the Queen of Pop? I spotted on Yahoo the title "Forget the stage. For Madonna all the world is about to become a stage." So is this tour going to be a typical raunch through sexidom or will be see the new English refined Madonna who writes books for children? Maybe she'll bring new meaning to "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick"

I guess by now you are a bit confused and asking yourself, "Christ, does he like her or hate her?"

Well, to be really honest.... &())^$^$$%%#@+ Damn line noise...

Observations and Questions
So... will you be rushing out to buy a ticket? Could you care less? If your teenager came home and said, "Hey, I scored tickets to the new Madonna concert, she rocks!" Would you give your blessing or take the gas pipe?

The First Annual Not So Normal Thong Contest
Check out the latest entries in the Thong Contest

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1976, Alicia Silverstone, San Francisco CA, actress (Clueless) and in our death notices we find in 1841, William Henry Harrison becomes 1st US President to die in office, at 68. Now there's a good trivia question for you!
03 April 2006

MEDICINE OR PRAYER?


N

ow watch the comments drop. lol Since I'm onto a more normal subject and no more you know who... I watch the Nightly News the other night and they were talking about traditional medicine versus the power of prayer. We've all seen the scenario where a person is diagnosed with incurable something. The doctors give up hope and tell the family there's nothing that can be done and they should take the patient home and prepare.

The patient goes home but does not give up hope and turns to prayer, and specifically "prayer groups" that have sprung up all over the world. These groups, when notified, will begin praying for you. You may have millions of people all praying at once for you. A goodly number of people, according to the latest statistics, have beaten the odds and continue to live. Is it mental or divine intervention? There are obviously people on both sides of the question.

Dr. Tim Johnson of ABC who happens to be both a Doctor and an ordained minister was caught in the middle, but seemingly agreed on the power of prayer. Not really having a definitive answer he came down slightly on the side of the psychological benefits of prayer. The brain is so powerful it can literally heal the body, despite the odds. Supposedly we as humans only use what... 15% of our brain power? I'm not sure how they arrived at that figure since no one that I know of has used 100% of their brain power. Currently I am using 2% myself and pushing it to 3% really gives me a headache. This blog is a good example.

Anyway, I'm always reminded of the old saying that "there are no atheist in a foxhole." Even the hardened ones usually turn to prayer in the end. I often wonder if famed atheist Madeleine O'Hare prayed as she was being beaten to death had prayed before she was buried wherever she is buried.

A Quick Related Story

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look and saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out to the Lord.

Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through Christ our Lord, Amen."

Observations and Questions
Do you have any opinions? Does prayer beat out medical science? Atheist can still answer.

The First Annual Not So Normal Thong Contest
Check out the latest entries in the Thong Contest

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1924, Marlon Brando, Omaha NE, actor (Streetcar Named Desire, Superman, Godfather). And in the dusty death notices in 0033 Christ crucified (according to astronomer Humphreys & Waddington).
02 April 2006

NORMAL SUNDAY JOKES


N

o Russian jokes this Sunday. Just good, old regular American jokes. Actually, it took way too much gray matter to get the laughs buried in those Russian jokes.


A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He cooly replied, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

---

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One sweet kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince! Then we will marry, move back into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined on frogs legs in garlic butter, she laughed to herself and thought "I don't f**king think so!"

---

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE

Observations and Questions
Any plans for today?

The First Annual Not So Normal Thong Contest
Check out the latest entries in the Thong Contest

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 742, Charlemagne, 1st Holy Roman emperor (800-14). And in the death notices we find in 1997, Tomoyuki Tanaka, producer (Godzilla), dies of a stroke at 86.
01 April 2006

OH WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE


W

hen first we pratice to deceive. How true, how true. I am so glad I didn't fall for Olga. Why? Was it because deep down I knew she was fake? Deep down I knew she might be using me to get to the U.S.? Noooooo.... I feared she was two-timing me. Yes, that's right... plucking the strings of my heart. Then when the plucking was done, she would throw them on the sawdust floor and jump up and down on them! Hah!

First of all Olga was never her real name and I suspect y'all knew that. Her real name is Vegakatrina, or Katrina depending on what day of the week it was and to whom she was emailing. After the nude picture of "me" that I sent I thought she might stop emailing. Then when I questioned her about Russian dating services I figured she would stop. So far I am right on both accounts.

Then yesterday I recieved the following email from Dan. Read on:


Hello Denny,
I wanted to inform you that you "Olga" is a sham. I got the same original e-mail from "Ekaterina" and wondered how she got to my e-mail with all the filters and such that I have here at the university where I work. I proceeded in a manner similar to you except that, for my original inquiry about how she got my e-mail address, I used a second e-mail account that I have. I was mostly worried about computer security, viruses and such as I'm in a research institution.

I also told "her" that her name was the same as a character in a story I'm writing. I said that I thought it was a funny coincidence. I also told her that I was too old for her and married anyway (both true as is the story I'm writing). I told her that I was using another computer (true) and if her e-mail was a scam she would get nothing from me.

She wrote back sending an identical letter to the one you received except that she spelled her name Yekaterina this time. My curiosity was peaked as I had gotten the spelling of the character's name from some Russians I work with. I replied to her asking about the spelling for my character and got the second letter you received. It contained no answers to my questions. I also didn't get the pictures on the beach, but I didn't ask for pictures.

During this time, I searched the web for Russian scams. I recommend one called Russian Scammers

It gives black lists and a lot of information. I could not find her picture (like the first ones sent to both of us) or find any common phrases that identified her as a scam, but I kept looking.

I could go on about this but I'll try to be brief. I asked her more questions and again told her I was too old and married. In further google searches (I think I used Noginsk #5 + schools), I found your "Not So Normal News" and your articles about Olga. I knew I had her at that point. The first two pictures were the same and the letters were absolutely identical (except for names). I do seem to be a couple of days behind you in getting e-mails. Perhaps this is because I used different e-mail accounts and a different computer to write her. I got the letter you wrote about on the 27th in yesterday's e-mail. It's dated earlier.

I always made note that the original contact was from 3chu-cheow@aol.com and she asked to be contacted at a different e-mail address. This was the first "red" flag (sorry about that). I also thought that her English was terrible for a teacher of English-especially in the written form.

Anyway, I know that I have the best spelling for my character. I will try to get her posted on the Russian detective site as a scam artist, but not let her know that I'm on to her. That is suggested on the site as the scammer will just change names and such. I hope this information proves useful to you. Thank you for confirming my suspicions about this scammer.
Sincerely, Dan

Observations and Questions
So there you have it faithful readers of my brief love affair with at least one woman in the "evil empire" as Ronald Reagan opined. Comments? (and be kind!) lol Oh, and by the way... if you even so much as snicker I will send Olga or whatever her name is a really hot email, tell her how rich you are and print your name and email address. So there!

The First Annual Not So Normal Thong Contest
Check out the latest entries in the Thong Contest

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1815, Otto Von Bismarck, Germany, chancellor (1866-90). And in the dusty death notices we find in 1204, Eleanor of Aquitaine, wife of Louis VII & Henry II, and my 25th great-grandmother dies at 81.