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13 April 2006



es, I know what you're thinking. Now why would Denny Shane, world bon vivant and all-around great guy have to resort to an online dating service to get women. Well folks, I've even asked myself that question, a few, quite a few, OK, a LOT of times! Sheesh.

After seeing Dr. Neil Whatever on his TV commercials taunting finding your soulmate at the deepest levels, I figured what the hell. This is where I could possibly meet my ex #3. Have you ever visited the site and took the free personality test, a $49 value, free? I did and I answered every question absolutely truthfully. I just wanted to see if there really was a match out there for me based on my deepest levels of emotion.

A few days went by while I cruised the internet porn sites hoping to find my one, true love. I had email from Dr. Neil. Yes! They found the one person out of the millions who filled out the questionnaire who would love me for who I really was deep down! They actually scientifically matched us up on our compatibility.

Eureka! They actually found my match and I could spend the rest of my life with! I raced to the website and entered the required info for me. There she was.... a complete outline based on our interests and answers. There was no picture of her, but that was okay with me as long as she was very like-minded and we could get along, despite the fact that she lived somewhere in Bolivia.

I noticed something amiss with her answers. There was a part where I was asked what I was looking for and I checked: I am a Man, looking for a Woman. My perfect match checked: I am a Woman, looking for a Man. What a co-incidence!

I kid you not. THAT was the closest we came to matching. I was astonished! and then... for $49.00 for 3 months, if I didn't like her, eHarmony would continue to search the world for me! Wow, what a deal! A date and get screwed all for $49.00!

Observations and Questions
Seriously, do I look as though I have the word "Schmuck" tattooed on my forehead?

New Look Department
I have decided to adopt a new look, in order to attract females. Which one do you prefer? HINT: If you select #1 or #3, ummm you're too late. Maybe I'll write about the full ordeal tomorrow.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1852, Frank W Woolworth, 5 & 10 cent store king, (Woolworths). And in the death notices we find in 1984, Christopher Wilder, FBI's "most wanted man", accidentally kills self.
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