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02 April 2006

NORMAL SUNDAY JOKES


N

o Russian jokes this Sunday. Just good, old regular American jokes. Actually, it took way too much gray matter to get the laughs buried in those Russian jokes.


A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He cooly replied, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

---

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One sweet kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince! Then we will marry, move back into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined on frogs legs in garlic butter, she laughed to herself and thought "I don't f**king think so!"

---

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE

Observations and Questions
Any plans for today?

The First Annual Not So Normal Thong Contest
Check out the latest entries in the Thong Contest

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 742, Charlemagne, 1st Holy Roman emperor (800-14). And in the death notices we find in 1997, Tomoyuki Tanaka, producer (Godzilla), dies of a stroke at 86.
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