The url of this site has been changed. Please update your bookmarks! Not So Normal News



31 May 2006

KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?


G

ive up? Today is "I have nothing to write day" Yes, that's right. After an exhaustive study I have discovered that I usually have nothing to say on Wednesdays.

I had intentions of writing a riveting story today about my 40th great grandfather, Saint Arnold, Bishop of Metz and the patron saints of brewers. Unfortunately, I fell asleep last night on the sofa and then woke up too late this morning to even think about it. I did wake up long enough at 2:30AM this morning but that was for my usual run to the bathroom and then right back to finish my dream about Kelly Monaco.

As a consequence this morning it's just me, my keyboard and a blank screen. And speaking of blank things... my brain is blank as well.

Tomorrow is a new month and you know what that means? Yep! My bank account begins to be refilled for another month! Social Security Disability, VA disability and pension from the Commonwealth of Pa! First order of business is buying a Bud Buckley CD. He told me it's in the envelope and all ready to go! Bud get ready to throw it into the mail tomorrow.

Observations and Questions
Did you write about anything interesting on your blog today? No blog? No problem, you can write about anything you want!

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1929 ? 1st reindeer born in the US. And in our death notices we find in 1982 Jack Dempsey former heavyweight boxing champion/actor, dies at 86.
30 May 2006

WHAT WOULD YOU DO...


I

f you could go back in time and change one thing about yourself or your surroundings? Maybe it's something you did that you wished you hadn't done...

This has popped into my brain several times throughout the years. There are just so many things I could pick to change regarding my actions and it's hard just to sit and pick one thing. This one thing you would change would also set into motion your future.

I had read somewhere, if this were possible, and you did change one thing about your past, you wouldn't be exactly the same person you are right this very minute.

But also there are repercussions from changing that one thing. For example: There are many times that I regret leaving Philly and coming to Texas. I regret divorcing my first wife. However, if I hadn't done those things then I would have never known my two youngest daughters. Now I'm not saying that they are more important than my life in Philly but that they would have never came into existence. Know what I mean?

Our lives are filled with "if I only did it this way" or "why did I do that"

Observations and Questions
Your turn...

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1672 Peter I "the Great" Romanov tsar of Russia (1682-1725). And in the death notices today we find in 1431 Joan of Arc burned as a witch by the English at Rouen at 19.
29 May 2006

LEST WE FORGET


We Will Never Forget



28 May 2006

THE VISIT


Part 1: AFTER ALL THIS TIME

A

nd on the advice of the shrink from the hospital, I have decided to tell you about something that has remained hidden in the deep recesses of my mind until now. Previously, I have only told a very few people this story and went on to regret telling the majority of them. You may think I am really nuts after reading this and I guess I don't blame you. There's not too many people out there who believe me... even though the following is what really happened, as I remember it. Scouts honor.

Several years ago I had a very unrestful night. Tossing, turning, I must have laid in bed for 2 hours trying to go to sleep. Recluctant to take sleeping pills, I did keep a bottle in the medicine cabinet for emergencies just like this one. I got out of bed, walked into the bathroom and slid open the mirror sliding door to the cabinet. A little brown bottle sat on the top shelf. I unscrewed the plastic top and shook out two tiny while pills. I popped the two Trazodone pills, 50 mg each into my mouth followed by a small cup of water. Down the hatch! I figured, ok, these should kick in oh in about a half hour. Climbing back into bed, I anticipated a good night sleep, finally. I turned my head and took a quick peek at the clock-radio on the night table... 12:23AM.

Now I layed there and felt quite wide awake. I was simply waiting for the pills to do their work and force me to sleep... hopfully for the next 6 to 8 hours. I hadn't been sleeping well at all lately and my body was telling me it needed rest and sleep. All of a sudden I could feel myself drifting off somewhere... I was half awake and half asleep I think. My brain was finally shutting down for the night. I felt so comfortable in that bed. I could feel the mattress snuggling against my tired and aching body. mMMMmmMMmm, yes, this did feel good, sleep at last.

I was barely drifting off when I heard a what sounded like a loud humming. I forced my eyes open fighting the effects of the Trazodone, trying to clear my head and focus on the sound. It had some sort of an electrical sound. Maybe there was a frayed wire on one of my lamps in the living room. The humming seemed to be going faster and the sound was lowering.

I was about to put one leg over the edge of the bed when the room was flooded with bright lights. The lights were so bright they completely washed out everything else in the room. I froze right in my tracks and thought, "what the hell is going on here?" It was then I realized I wasn't frozen, I was paralyzed. I was wide awake now and fully able to think... I simply couldn't move. I kept trying. Nothing.

I started to involuntarily move. At first I wasn't aware of which way I was moving: side to side, back and forth. Then I could feel the sensation of moving upwards at a very rapid rate of speed. I could tell I was moving, but I felt no effects. It was a strange feeling, strange sensation. I was still bathed in the incredibly bright light which blinded out everything around me. Imagine being wrapped in a blanket of light so tight you couldn't move within the blanket. That's how I felt.

I could see the light begin to dim and at the same time my body was being turned to an upright position. My feet felt as though they were barely touching the floor or the surface of whatver I was in at the time. My eyes began to adjust to the normal lighting in the room. I could feel my eyelids opening wider as I slowly looked around and took in what I saw around me.

Part 2: I SEE STRANGE PEOPLE


T

he bright light began to dim down to a normal room brightness. I began to look around at the things and the people in the room with me. Strange people, the likes of which I have never seen before were all around me. Looking at me as if examining me. Their poking fingers prodding at different parts of my body. I felt totally powerless to push them away and the only thing I could do was stand there and let them do whatever they were doing.

(On the right is a composite sketch that was done days later to try and recapture what these things looked like.)

These "people" and I do use the term loosely had no clothes on but there were no real discernible body parts you might expect. They did have arms and legs but nothing else that I would make out. Big eyes, huge almond-shaped eyes were all trained on me. I was beginning to feel embarrassed almost, as I was completely naked.

My eyes wandered around the room and there appeared to be a human female much in the same predicament as I found myself. Naked also, these beings were prodding, pulling and poking at her also. She was as frightened as I felt numb. I tried to speak to her. I could feel my lips moving but no sound came from my mouth. I saw her lips moving but I heard no sound from her either.

All of a sudden as if on cue, her group took her by the arms, turned her around and they left the room. My group took me in the same fashion and we went in the opposite direction down a short corridor and into another room with many rows of movie theater type seating. I was escorted to the first row and guided down into the chair.

There was a curtain in front of me made out of a transparent material but slightly opaque, just enough to blurr the people behind it. I could swear I heard a muffled cry from behind the curtain. As I leaned forward a little to either see more clearly or try and hear what was going on, I realized there were some sort of straps being placed around my arms and chest. Tightly securing me into the chair. I struggled a bit, but to no avail.

The curtain began to open... I sat shocked when I saw the scene in front of me. Very similar to an operating room I thought. On the table in the middle of the room was the woman I had just seen in the other room. On her back, legs in stirrups, her eyes looked very glazed over as if she was drugged. She began to speak incoheritantly. I can remember getting extremely aggitated over what I was seeing in front of me. The beings around me watched with intense scrutiny as I tried to break loose of the bindings around me. It seemed the harder I struggled to break free, the tighter the bindings got around my arms and chest.

My attention darted back to the room in front of me as I heard what sounded like a whirring of some sort. A machine was being rolled into place between the legs of the woman. A light or beam seemed to be glowing on the machine and the stronger the light glowed, the louder the whirring became. The woman tried to struggle but seemed almost paralysed. It was useless. She had to submit to this examination, or experiementing or whatever they were about to do. And I was being forced, for some reason, to watch the scene in an almost horror-like trance.

Part 3: AM I NEXT?

T

he light in the room became unbelievable bright, blotting out just about everything within the reach of the fluorescence. Her screaming became even louder, the whirring of the machine grew to a fever pitch.

I could feel myself becoming dizzy. When things in my head became a little clearer the curtain in front of me was closed. "What happened?", I thought as everything was quiet. Did I pass out? Was it over? I turned to look at these creatures that were in the theater-room with me. They simply looked at me. Turning to my left I saw a figure sitting next to me. I tried hard to focus my eyes. It was the woman from the table!

She sat motionless, staring in front of her. What the hell was going on? Just then I can only remember standing up and I felt as though I was being transported out of the observation room. I couldn't see a thing but felt the sensation of moving very quickly.

I opened my eyes to a bright lighting surrounding me. As my eyes began to focus better, I could see these strange faces all looking directly at me. Still strapped onto something I tried to see more of what was happening. I heard the "machine" again. I turned my head to the side and could see people and they appeared to be watching me. I screamed as loud as I could when my eyes saw the woman... she was in my chair. Where the hell was I?

I looked directly in front of me. I began to struggle. It was me on the table. The whirling machine right in front of me. My position was exactly the same as the woman's position before me. Legs in stirrups... a bright light beginning to come from this machine. The pain began... it felt as though a chainsaw was going through me. I can remember screaming so loud that I felt as though I must have died on that table.

Then the lights began to subside. My eyes adjusted slowly. I looked around to see the creatures... I quickly turned my head to see the woman. Nothing, they had all disappeared. Where were they? What happened? What would ne next?

As my eyes completely focused, I felt warmth going through my body. This looked like my bedroom I thought. I bolted upright. The straps that were binding me were gone. I was back in my bed.

I jumped from the bed. Was I awake? What this a dream? Did this really happen? I checked my body for marks, anything that could help me. Nothing, except for one fading red mark on my wrist.

Observations and Questions
P.S. I am sorry but when I just reformatted this, I completely forgot about the previous comments. So sorry!

I Also know that while this may have a crappy and fast ending, I cannot dictate what happens in either my dreams or ??
27 May 2006

IT HAD TO COME TO THIS


K

iller has been in training. As you know you can see Killer on the new Killer-Cam on the left of the blog. He has enjoyed being on TV so much and having people from all over the globe viewing him, he has decided to go on the road. I'm telling you folks, this fish has an ego the size of... of... well, a whale!

He has put together a few jokes and wanted to test them out here on the News in front of his favorite audience. Ahem!

So without further adieu, Ladies and Gentlemen and Children of all ages, I proudly present, straight from his spacious 10 gallon abode in Houston, Texas.... Killer the Kommedian!




Ha Ha, good evening everyone. Let's get right to my jokes, ok?

Q: Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
A: To the prawn broker!

Q: What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?
A: The Codfather!

Q: How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
A: He prawned everything!

Q: Which fish can perform operations?
A: A Sturgeon!

Q: What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
A: He got lockjaw!

Q: Where do fish wash?
A: In a river basin!

Q: Why did the whale cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide!

Q: Where do little fishes go every morning?
A: To plaice school!

Q: What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
A: A motor pike!

Q: What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
A: As far away as possible!

Ha Ha, well thank you and good night!


Okee dokee, I think the act needs a little something and we'll have to work on it a bit. He certainly isn't stage shy that's for sure. Please, don't clap... it only encourages him. Now he wants a pair of sunglasses.

Observations and Questions
So would you pay to go see Killer the Kommedian live on stage?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1837 "Wild Bill" Hickok [James Butler] cowboy/scout. And in our death notices today we find in 1790 Jeremiah Carlton laziest man in history, heir to a large fortune at 19 went to bed & stayed there for next 70 years, dies at 89.
26 May 2006

YESTERDAY WAS A REALLY NICE DAY, UNTIL...


T

he latest issue of Time Magazine arrived. There on the cover, the cover no less, were the three faces of Jane Fonda, better known as The Dixie Chicks. After their ceremonious remarks about the U.S. and our involvement in Iraq their careers went right into the toilet. They have been crawling out ever since. The cover announces: "The Dixie Chicks. They criticized the war and were labeled unpatriotic. Now The Dixie Chicks are back, betting their careers on a whole new style. Is America ready?"

From the little I've heard about them, they are abandoning their country roots and moving into a different genre of music. I could care less what genre they attempt to break into within the music world. They absolutely had no right to apologise to their London audience for the actions of the United States in entering the war in Iraq. Their accumulated experiences all put together couldn't equate to a pimple on my ass.

Observations and Questions
Any thoughts on these young Fonda wannabees?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1759 Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin writer/mother of Mary Shelley. And in the death notices today we find in 1968 William E "Little Willie" John US R&B-singer (Fever), dies at 30.
24 May 2006

I MADE MY DECISION...


D

o you remember my dilemma from yesterday? I really went back and forth on what to do. I read and re-read all of the advice and suggestions that you, my friends, all gave me. I decided to go to church and early Mass and ask God for help. I prayed and prayed for help... a little lamb in the wilderness I was... I lost my way kinda/sorta. I needed guidance and money. Ok, moreso money than guidance. Anyway, along about then, in between the awful organ music and the serman, it was collection time. The basket was passed to me and lo' and behold, there was a brand-spanking new $20 bill laying right there ontop of all that money. Money for the poor of the parish. It hit me... I'm poor and I am of the parish. Why not just cut out the middle man? "Denny, you can't!" I thought... the other side of my brain said, "hey, they might give you that money anyways since your so needy." What to do, what to do... I struggled... I asked God for an answer....

Anyway, let's get on to the main thrust of this blog entry. After Mass I headed to the grocery store and bought food and freshly baked Italian bread. Four bags full of life sustaining food! Once home I unloaded the stuff and put the refrigerated things in the box and then decided I would go and see the DaVinci Code.

On my way to the movie theater I stopped by the store and bought a carton of cigarettes... then it was to the Palace 56 Theater. 56 screens! 3 floors! Movies running 24/7... wow... The DVC was running of 14 screens! Ok, I exaggerated a bit there. My verdict on the movie? Well.... if you asked me...

It was a good movie, not as good as the novel but then no movie is ever better than the book counterpart.. As I've mentioned before, in this blog, I am not a Tom Hanks fan. Having said that I was mildly surprised at his portrayal of Robert Langdon. And Audrey Tautou as Sophie Neveu was pretty good as well! The movie, as the novel, was a mixture of truth, fiction and everything inbetween and leaves the viewer/reader with a lot to think about... question and believe or disbelieve. It opens up several new doors to discussion and thought.

The novel of course went into much more detail on things that the movie skipped over but if you didn't read the book you wouldn't know things were missing.

I would rate this a: "I'll buy the video also". The 149 minutes actually flew by really fast.

Observations and Questions
Open mic night... what's on your mind?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1898, Gene Tunney, world heavyweight boxing champion (1926-30). And in the death notices we find in 1996, Buck, the dog (Married with Children), dies at 13.

I HATE DECISIONS


T

herefore my friends, I am turning to you to help me make a decision. Yes, little ol' you will make this decision and course my action as to how I proceed.

I have exactly $20.00 left to my name until the 1st of the month when my bank account is replenished. However, I find myself in a small bind here. I am being torn left and right as to what to do with my $20.00.

My choices:

A. Buy groceries
B. Buy cigarettes
C. Go see The DaVinci Code

See my problem?

Observations and Questions
Make your choice wisely my friends. What should I do, and why?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1941, Bob Dylan [Zimmerman], Duluth MN, singer/songwriter, (Blowin' in Wind). And in the death notices we find today in 1987, Hermione Ferdinanda Gingold, actress (Gigi, Music Man), dies at 89.
23 May 2006

WOW...


T

he sleeping pills that the Dr gave me really work. About 10PM, I popped one or two, I forget now, and thought let's see if these guys do their job. At 5:30AM when my eyes opened I figured out that they did... but now, here it is at 6:10AM and I can't wake the hell up... that's right I am typing this and I am half asleep.

I just looked at the bottle and it does say 2 tablets, ok, I didn't overdose. I don't think I'll be taking them anymore. This feeling of being drugged can't be good. I feel loopy. I can't fully focus my eyes.

Waking up at 2 or 3 AM after only 3 or 4 hours sleep is the norm for me I think. I feel wide awake and ready to go at that hour. I'm more productive also in those early hours.

The Dr. said she thought I needed them to help me get more sleep at night as I wasn't getting enough sleep. This is too much I think.

Observations and Questions
Do you take sleeping pills? Do they work for you or over-work?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1961, Drew Carey, Cleveland OH, actor/comedian (Drew-Drew Carey Show). And in the death notices we find in 1934, Bonnie & Clyde Barrows, bank robbers, killed in shoot-out with police in Shreveport LA.
22 May 2006

I IS ALIVE AND WELL!


Y

es, I know y'all thought I flew the coup and took off for Tahiti or someplace, didn't ya? I wish I could have but unfortunately I didn't. I was stuck here going crazy. Last week was genuinely the week from hell.

First we all know about me running out of my medicines and my battle with the hospital. No need to go into that again. Next on the "let's get Denny hit list" was my desktop. All of a sudden it started really acting weird and very strange. It wouldn't do anything, files were disappearing left and right. I suspect a virus... I ran McAfee and Norton and all kinds of other programs. They all said the machine was just fine. But it ran slower than molasses and keep deleting files.

I was forced to use my laptop which I hate... no wait, I HATE. I hate it so much I looked at the blog here and couldn't even type an entry. Between that and my system getting use to no medication I didn't know if I was coming or going. Finally, the pills arrived and it took a day or two for them to kick in and settle down.

Then... after struggling with this computer I had to do the unthinkable. Yes, reformat. IN all the years since the early days of personal computers I have never had to do that and I was petrified. I made sure I had all of the files I needed, made sure they were clean from any infection and then inserted the reformat disk.

Everytime the screen said, "Are you sure?" I got worried but then finally uttered a few choice words and hit "GO"

To speed things up here... I am now sitting with a clean, fresh computer and free of all kinds of goofy, junky files that I've collected. I've got everything pretty much re-installed now and my blood pressure has returned to normal.

I made God an awful lot of promises over the last week... does anyone know how much a trip to the Holy Land cost? I think I made a lot of them because of the lack of my medicines. Does that sound like a decent cop-out? He understands, right?

Observations and Questions
Have you ever had to reformat?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1859, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle UK, author, Sherlock Holmes. And in the death notices we find in 1990, the great Rocky Graziano, boxer, dies at 71, of heart failure.
19 May 2006

WILL THOU GOEST?


Y

es, once again I am writing about The DaVinci Code, but not about the book this time. No, this time about the long-awaited movie which opens worldwide tomorrow. The circus that will ensure should be major fodder for the TV news tomorrow night. They'll be movie-goers, protestors, non-demoninational pickpockets... all kinds of people in front of America's theaters.

Dan Brown has said it in the book, spoke the words... "This is fictional" I've seen dozens of interviews with him and he repeats it over and over. What else can he do? The Catholic Church is beside itself over this whole mess. The thing that is interesting here is the Catholic Church is doing everything it can to discredit the movie, cause furor and issue letters of denial... because the movie is erroneous. Really? Then why isn't the RC church going after the Anglican Church in England for removing the Blessed Mother/Mary from the Bible and their beliefs? Or the Jews... now that's a good argument between Christians and Jews... there's Christ or there isn't.

These arguments seem more pressing that whether or not Jesus and Mary were married and had a child.

Plus before I get off my bandwagon... the half of the original Apostles were married, including Saint Peter, the first Pope. If THEY could be married and enjoying the benefits of the matrimonial bed then why can't the priest of the church? That one I will never understand. Maybe if the church did away with this stupid rule, they wouldn't be in the mess they're in right now.

On a side note: I am feeling much, much better today and a big thank you to all of the really cool people that took the time to give me advice, etc. It was appreciated. Now that I am back to normal I guess I should give poor Killer a bath since I've been neglecting him over the past few days. I like to give him a little bath, tiny rub-down... he likes it.

Observations and Questions
It's open mike day here on the "News" So whatcha thinkin'?
18 May 2006

HAS SOMEONE OUT THERE...


P

ut some kind of voodoo curse on me? If so, please take it off and I will be your sex-slave for all eternity. If this hasn't been the week from hell so far, then I don't know what would be it. Did I mention that my desktop has basically crapped out? It's still down for the count and I am back on this laptop. I hate it.

I know I haven't been around to your blogs this week and leaving comments as usual and I offer my apologies. But between the computer problems and all of my stupid accidents it just wasn't in the cards to amuse myself and offer my typical advice on all of your problems. lol

All of my meds from the VA arrived yesterday (finally) and I am a happy camper. Several times I often wondered what would happen if I went off these meds for a little. I swear I'll never wonder again. I am wondering if being out of a few had any effects on everything that was happening around me. I think I was acting like some crackhead waiting for the next fix... I was out of my "happy" pills and I wasn't so happy. Yesterday they arrived and it felt so good to see them in the pkg. I couldn't wait to take them... and THAT is scarey... well, it was scarey until they began to work... lol

Another interesting little event while I was not on my meds was accidentally trying to reformat my hard drive on the big computer with the disk from the laptop... it took me an hour to figure out what I was doing wrong and then I didn't care about reformatting anyloner. lol

I am also considering an email change. I am getting way too much junk mail... way too much. I'll let y'all know when and if I decide to go with a new address, which I am really thinking about...

Well, I guess that's it for today. I hope I am back into the full groove by tomorrow!

Observations and Questions
So how have you been? Anything new? Got any advice? I am pretty much open to anything today?

Oh! and something else I learned this week: never, ever put candle holders with the remains of candle wax stuck at the bottom into the dishwasher to remove the wax.
17 May 2006

TODAY WASN'T TOO BAD...


T

wo times, that' all... I only fell of the ladder twice while trying to replace the light bulb and the chain pully thing. I took a shower and then looked at my electric razor. HA! not today... I'm not getting electricuted for no one.

Moving right along... I usually write myself a not for the supermarket, which I also did this morning. After the shower I got into the car. You can already see it coming, can't you. Yep, you think I could remember the note while I was locking my front door, or even driving though the gate at my apartment? Noooooo, I remembered it as I put one foot inside the supermarket.

Anyway, I hope I am back to normal tomorrow and will get with the blogging programs... My venture into spring cleaning is over for this year... except I noticed the oven looked a tad greasy.

16 May 2006

I AM SOOOO HAPPY


I could sit right down and cry... that's after I kicked the dog if I owned one, threw the cat in the air to see if it would land on it's feet and flushed old Killer down into the black hole.

I woke up a little after midnight. That's about it for the good stuff... it was all down hill after that. I honestly don't even know where to begin.....

Let's see... I decided to have some toast and for some reason couldn't wait for it to be done and I stuck my hand in to retrieve the bread and burnt my hand... not once, not twice, but I stuck it in THREE times and burnt the top of my hand. Why 3 times? Dunno... I guess to see if it God-damned hurt as much as the first two times.

Then periodically, I kind of go through my hard drive and get rid of files that have been collecting cob webs. HUGE mistake..... I not only got rid of some old files, I also got rid of a few files that help the computer open up Windows and start the process as well. Of course I deleted them and couldn't recover them until it was too late. Poof... all gone. I started looking for my disk to re-install and what do ya know... I couldn't find the little bastards.

Ok, I found an old restore program and put that in... I don't know what the hell took 30 minutes to do but it didn't restore squat. Oh it acted like it was doing something and the little hard drive light was dancing all over the friggen place... green, red and orange... As of right now I have installed this thing 5 times. Nothing.... it pretends it wants to start up, but then sits and laughs at me.

So far, I have burnt my hand three times, re-installed or fixed or whatever it was supposed to do and eventuaqlly took a pair of scissors and scratched a huge one right across the data plates... not just on one.. oh no... I did it to disk 2 also, multiple times. The computer starts up and gets to the opening Windows screen and then sits and does nothing except make hard drive noises like it wants to start.

Let's see, I also dropped a huge ashtray on my little toe....

And you're probably wondering how I am doing this, right? Well I have a laptop, ultra cool but I only use it when I am away for a few days and there are things I need to do on it. But it's not anything I want to sit at all day either.

So I don't know. I'm not even gonna ask how your day is going, because you wanna know the truth? I really don't care. lol
15 May 2006

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS...


S

afe to start watching the entertainment news on TV... I absolutely am totally shocked at this story. I really am and believe me folks, absolutely nothing shocks me anymore in this world. Just goes to show ya that there's room for one more.

O.J. Simpson is apparently trying out as a comedian, of sorts. In a hidden-camera prank DVD titled Juiced, inspired by Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd, Simpson tries selling a used Bronco. "It was good for me - it helped me get away," he tells a prospective buyer. "It's a car that I personally made famous. The car has escapability, if you ever get into some trouble."

Simpson is trying to market the DVD, the New York Post reports. Reviving his Naked Gun comedic skills, he performs as a rapper, a pizza delivery man, a windshield washer, and an elderly white man at a senior citizens' bingo game. We smell Oscar!

I'm sitting here dumb-founded and shaking my head.

Mascaraed pirate and Keith Richards impersonator, Johnny Depp, is upset that a Sunset Strip construction project will ruin the scenic views from his $5.4 million Hollywood Hills shack. He filed a lawsuit against city officials claiming that they violated environmental quality laws and that the development will block the view his two children have playing on the 21/2-acre lot outside his 7,430-square-foot home.

In the past, Depp has professed no profound love for this country, and he lives much of the time in France with actress Vanessa Paradisand their two children, Lily-Rose, 6, and Jack, 4. He told the German Stern Magazine in 2003, "America is dumb, it's like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you." A

s for his children, "I'd like them to see America as a toy, a broken toy. Investigate it a little, check it out, get this feeling and then get out."

Of course that was before Pirates of the Caribbean and his asking price skyrocketing to $17 million.

Religious Section

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there.

One little boy said,
"We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us.
Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!".

When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?"
The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, .....because they pour the water on you."

"We're not Babtis, .....because they dunk all of you in the water."

"We're not Methdiss, ......because they just sprinkle water on you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!"

They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisscopailians"

Comments and Opinions
I like Depp as an actor and enjoy all of his movies... and yes, loved Pirates of the Carribbean and will probably go and see the new Pirates movie when released. Will you? And what is your take on this O.S Simpson deal?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1981 Zara Anne Elizabeth Phillips, daughter of Princess Anne, the 10th in succession to British throne... Hmmmm, if the 9 above her, suddenly started dying do you think Scotland Yard would look to her as the major suspect? Maybe OJ could sell his Bronco to her? And in the death notices for this date in history we find in 1926, Mohammed VI Vahideddin, last sultan of Turkey (1918-22).
13 May 2006

MOTHER'S DAY, KILLER THE BETTA AND GEORGE CARLIN


W

ell, I suppose the very first order of business today is to wish all of the mother's out there, and especially my own mother, a very happy Mother's Day! Mom, if I were up north today I would take you out to dinner. But since I am down here in Texas, I'll just take myself out to dinner today... and then call and tell you how great it was! Kinda/sorta like being here.

GEORGE SPEAKS OUT... AGAIN

Good ol' George Carlin. Never one to mince words, and speaking of mother's, my mother sent this to me Saturday morning and I thought this just would be a nice thing for a Sunday morning.

George speaks:
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good.....and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, Hillary, it takes two parents.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

Thank you George for those words. Hey, wanna run for President? We all could use a real laugh or two from anyone of those Washington types.

ANOTHER TWO NAMES GO UP ON THE WALL OF HONOR
Yep, late Saturday I was notified by PayPal that Killer received 2 more donations for the Save Killer Fund. First from Jason H. Jason... Killer and I both appreciate the donation more than you know.


The next donation comes from Lillian. Thank you Lillian very much... a true gem you are indeed!

Now the interesting thing is both Jason H. and Lillian work together. They work for a company that makes fishing supplies for tropical fish like little nets to catch the fish in when you need to do some internal work inside the tank. Not only did they each donate $1.00 a piece, they emailed me and said they were sending some Betta food! Talk about over and beyond...

COMMENTS AND OBSERVATIONS
How are all of you in the Blog World going to spend your day today?

I was just finishing up typing this and I looked over at the tank and Killer is staring at me. Now I am pretending to be typing but I am actually looking at Killer outta the corner of my eye. He's still got his little mouth pressed against the tank and he's looking at me. Hey, do betta fish have teeth? I just tried to look in his mouth but I can't see any...
12 May 2006

MAYBE KILLER NEEDS A TELETHON


A

bsolutely unbelievable. I sat and read the email from the Tetra people... I had emailed them and told them all about Killer. They said the symptoms are from 1. over-eating. 2- Over-chemicalized water and the last thing nearly did me in.... Killer could be suffering from NTS... Yes, the dreaded New Tank Syndrome. I swear to God I did not just make that up... there really is a thing called NTS.

I immediately followed their advice and removed half the water in the tank and added in new water. This time I wanted to make sure Killer didn't OD on water treatment chemicals.

I'm sitting here at 12:45AM and it just hit me. They should have a thing that dispenses the food 3 times a day but in little spurts, so as to avoid over-feeding. Liquid food would even be better! Killer wouldn't even have to chew, he would just kinda breathe it in as he swam/floated around.


Letter Received From Tetra Fish Care Team

Dear Killer:

The cloudiness you are experiencing is probably one of two things.

Overfeeding your fish can cloud your water as the uneaten food is allowed to decompose. At each feeding you should feed no more than what your fish can eat in one to two minutes. Overstocking the tank can cause cloudy water too. Excess waste, like excess food, gives of ammonia and nitrites. You should have 1 gallon of water per 1 inch of tropical fish. Have 3 gallons of water per 1 inch of goldfish.

Make sure you have proper filtration too. If this is the problem, you will have high ammonia and nitrite levels. A 25% water change will help lower the levels but you will still need to find out what the problem is.

Or, your aquarium could be experiencing what is known as "new tank syndrome", NTS. When you set up a new aquarium or when you carry out a large water change, it is very natural for your water to become cloudy as part of the systems normal biological cycle. The reasons for this are fluctuations in the nitrogen cycle, and the release of gasses in solution resultant to an increase in water temperature. In the cycle, your ammonia levels will rise for 3 weeks, then drop to zero. Next your nitrite levels will rise for 3 weeks then drop to zero.

A water change of 50% or more will restart the cycle. You should not see both ammonia and nitrite levels elevated. If only one of these is elevated, that would indicate you are going through the bacterial cycle. Let the tank sit and the cycle will complete on it's own.

Have a pet store test your water to determine what is the cause of your water problem. You can also by your own test kit and test the water yourself.

Sincerely,
Your US Tetra Care Team



ANOTHER TWO NAMES GO UP ON THE WALL OF HONOR
I want to recognize another Killer benefactor here today. A real standup guy, Bud Buckley stepped up and donated $1.00 for Killer's upkeep. As many already know, Bud, is a rare vocalist and plays many club dates around Florida. If you haven't had a chance to buy one of Bud's CD recordings, now is a good time to do it! You won't be disappointed. Good things happen to good people Bud! Thanks!




And a big "thank you" to Pepper. I don't know who you are but I appreciate your generous $1.00 donation and Killer especially appreciates it!




Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1950, Peter Gabriel, London England, rocker. And in the death notices today we find in 1985, Selma Diamond, actress/comedienne, (Selma-Night Court), dies of cancer at 64.

YES! KILLER IS STILL ALIVE!!


W

hen I woke up this morning, which was about an hour ago at 1:30AM, I kinda/sorta thought that I would find Killer belly-up in the tank. I consider it a miracle! Little Killer was peering back at me with its' blue-grey dullish eyes.

And talk about miracles. You may have noticed right under the camera on the left side of the blog you will see the "Killer's Angels Wall of Honor." In the "News" yesterday you will remember that when I broke the story about pathetic, little Killer I mentioned that I was also starting the "Save Killer" movement. I really thought people would be too busy with their lives to care about little Killer. Was I ever wrong!!

My humble "thanks" goes out to Patti from PattiCake Land who was the first person to stand up and be counted by donating $1.00 to the Save Killer Fund. I received notification from PayPal and I was amazed that Patti would care enough to contribute $1.00 to help little Killer. Patti, I publicly thank you! A world-class humanitarian! In addition to PattiCakes, we also had a $1.00 donation from Anonymous. Thank you!

After receiving Patti's donation, I received a phone call. Yes, a real phone call from the Fire Chief, Dan Gonzalez of the Montco Fire Department. Apparently Captain Don and the other firemen (and 1 firegal) read the "News" everyday at the fire station. They read about Killer and jumped into action!

You may remember that Killer was originally in a little "potato salad" cup with a hole ontop and marked down for quick sale. I bought the smallest and least expensive little aquarium I could find. It was the size of a lunch box, (hey now, no jokes about tuna fish sandwiches!).

Anyway, the firemen and firegal of Ladder 21 read about the plight of pathetic little Killer. The chief explained that 2 years ago they were sitting around bored one day and after seeing something on the internet about a poor bird, they sprung into action and chipped in $10 to help save this poor bird. Then they got a brilliant idea. Every payday they put $1 in the pot and they would search the internet for humanitarian efforts. Things must be pretty boring up there in Montco.

When they found something worthwhile, they would donate a certain amount to that cause. Capt. Dan admits that they do it out of amusement because the recipients are shocked when they get either a phone call or an email. Very much the way I was when I got their call yesterday. Capt. Dan told me that they called Pets Mart here in Houston and bought a 10 gallon fish tank, betta food, and some small plants. I was completely shocked. He told me which store to go to and I did.

IMPORTANT NOTE
Capt. Dan also told me that while they do put $1 in a pot for this reason, they also have a much bigger pot, for very real humanitarian reasons... so they are not nitwits up there.

Lo and behold, there everything was when I arrived. Already bagged, paid in full and ready to go. I raced home, assembled everything and moved Killer into his new home. I think he really liked it.

Wall of Honor
As a result of the generosity of Patti, Anonymous and Capt. Don, Ritchie, Bob, Bob2, George, Jason and Regina I wanted to honor them in a small way. Viola! The Killer Wall of Honor. As you can see under the KillerCam I have erected 3 small plaques with their names. Your name can also be placed there. I am making this a joint bloggers effort. If you go to PayPal and donate $1 for Killer, your name will go on a especially designed plaque and placed "on the wall."


The First Honorees





Observations and Questions
Comments?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1820, Florence Nightingale, Florence Italy, nurse (Crimean War). And in the death notices we find in 1932, the Lindbergh baby was found dead.
10 May 2006

OH LORD, THE INHUMANITY OF IT ALL


Y

es my friends, I come to you today with saddened heart and spirit. I can hear you, "But why Denny, you are always so up and cheery?" 'Tis true it is, but I have come across something so demoralizing, so personally devastating, I may not ever recover. I feel so strongly about this I have even posted this a day ahead of time. Yes friend "time"... and "time" is running out.

I went to Pet's Mart this afternoon in hopes of buying two little turtles to replace Willie and Tillie. These two frolicking turtles one day felt a little hungry and ate the entire Italian roll I put in their turtle bowl for lunch. How the hell was I suppose to know turtles couldn't eat Italian food? I was 10 years old at the time. My psych thinks my problems started back when I was no longer the Administrator for the Commonwealth of Penna... but friends my decline started way earlier. My slide began on that fateful Friday afternoon, when it was feeding time at the Shane household. Excuse me for a sec, ... snif, snif, ok.. I'm back. I was shocked when I found out the Italian roll would expand in their teeny-weeny stomachs... and, well... the expanding dough... oh God, I can't even think about it. Turtle remains all over the kitchen... Ka--BOOM.. 2 times, one for each little turtle.

Anyway, I decided to go today and buy two new little turtles to replace Willie and Tillie. I was shocked when I found out it wasn't turtle season and they couldn't carry turtles until the appropriate time.

As I was slowly walking out of the store completely dejected, my eyes wandered over the fish aquariums and there on a shelf was a little plastic container, marked "Reduced For Quick Sale" What could it be? Stale dog food? I walked over and picked the container up in my hand. "Holy Crap!", I thought to myself. "there's a blue fish in here!" Reduced for Quick Sale????? I asked the girl dusting the shelves... I guess making way for the bigger and heartier fishies.

"Excuse me? What is this?" She didn't even look at me as she kept wiping the counter... "it's a fish"

"No shit Dick Tracy", I replied. A heavy sigh came and I knew I shouldn't have interrupted her... "Sometimes we reduce a fish for quick sale... ummm to make room for the fresh ones coming in."

I wondered at that point what they did with the fish that went belly-up while waiting for a new watery home. I didn't want to ask really. I just know they have a toilet in the back room with a fishy smell. I looked at the card: "Beta Male" $5:49 Reduced for Quick Sale $2.25.

I am referring to a little, tiny fish whom I have named, "Killer". Why Killer? Because of his attitude... he's a survivor, a struggler. Don't ya just wanna pick him up, kiss him and snuggle him close to you?

I held the poor fishie in his potato salad container looking prison, and walked the aisles, debating what to do. While I debated I put 2 bottles of Beta Water in my cart, which is pre-conditioned water and it comes in bottles, a purple Beta-Aquarium. I thought it needed some home decor so I bought two Greco-Roman columns.

Here you can see "Killer" on the left side of the blog... a live action cam... the KillerCam. See how lifeless he looks? I wanted him to turn towards me when he is live and on air so you could see the little bit of glimmer that's left in his glossy eyes but he was entirely too weak to make a 90 degree angle turn and then pose for the camera. Maybe next time... if he lasts that long. Snif!!!

I am now fighting for little fishies all over the world. Won't you please donate $1.00 to the "Save Killer Fund"? You can donate right over there where you see the PayPal logo, right under the plea for funds for my World Tour. The World Tour will be put on hold until I have this situation covered.

As an incentive, if you donate, you will receive a picture of your adopted fish. Actually, I would rather you print this page out, then cut the picture of Killer out to hang on the fridge. Every so often you'll get a letter from Killer telling of his adventures all over the planet. Yes, I will be taking Killer on a world tour very soon. Just imagine how happy you will be when you get your picture of little Killer swimming in his aquarium in front of the Eiffel Tower or swimming proudly in the Coliseum in Rome! Periodic updates on his training will be included along with a growth chart. If you would like to buy Killer some pants and a little fish tshirt, please increase your donation.

I thank you, Killer thanks you, and any future fish babies from Killer thanks you as well.

IN PREPARATION FOR MY UPCOMING


W

orld tour, I have been looking over some of the back-stage riders that some Hollywood types demand request at their appearances. Listed below are just some of the items that are required back-stage:



Keanu Reeves AKA Dogstar: (Please tell me he doesn't sing)
To be provided in the Artist's dressing room not later than the completion of sound check: 24 1 liter bottles of drinking water, 1 case of assorted soda, 2 large bottles of Lime Gatoraide, Asst. Fruit Juices, Asst. Snapple drinks, Coffee and Tea for 10 people, 2 cases bottled beer (Corona and Heinekin), 1 liter Absolut Mandarin Orange, 1 liter Jack Daniels, 1 bottle of Jordan Cabernet, 1 bottle opener and 1 corkscrew, 1 basket fresh fruit in its' natural state, 1 veg tray with dip and sliced cheese, 1 large bag tortilla chips and salsa, hot and cold cups and all needed condiments. AFTER SHOW 24 1 liter bottles of drinking water, 1 case bottled Corona and Heinekin, 1 liter Jack Daniels, 1 case asst. soda, 2 large pizzas, 2 large bags of ice.

Steven Seagal and Band (What does he do? Karate chop the audience?)
36 cans of Red Bull, Fresh coffee, 2 bottles Red Wine (Bordeaux), 2 bottles of white wine, 2 cases soft drinks, 24 small Penta mineral water, 24 small sparkling mineral water, 12 cans Beer (premium brand), 6 liters 100% OJ, 2 deli plates, 1 vegi plate, 2 fruit trays, clean ice, 16 clean bath towels, 1 hand steamer, 1 bottle mouth wash and 2 boxes of tissues.

Denny Shane Ensemble
So far after looking over the above lists and other lists of things stars require in their dressing rooms, I have decided I need the following at each stop along my world tour itinery (see masthead for city and country itinery): 2 fresh Philly cheesesteaks on order at all times, 10 hot Philly pretzels with mustard, 2 large Philly hoagies, Computer and hookup with high speed DSL line so Mr. Shane can keep tabs on his blog buddies, black jelly beans, fresh ice tea at all times, personal female massuesse, Deni Bonet and Bud Buckley CD's, CD player, asst. collections of Pavarotti, large screen TV and VCR. The room should also have plenty of fresh fruit, even though Mr. Shane will not eat any of it, it will look nice and healthy. All up-to-date medicines and difibulator just in case.

These are just a few items I will require. I don't think I am asking for too much so far. I will add to the list later as I go along.

Observations and Questions
If you were going on a world tour, what would you require in your dressing room?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1850, Sir Thomas Johnstone Lipton, Glasgow Scotland, yachtsman/tea magnate (Lipton Tea). And in the death notices today we find in 1818, Paul Revere, American patriot.
09 May 2006

I AM NOT GOING TO LIE


T

o you. I have absolutely nothing to offer today. I played around way too long when I woke up and then panicked when I realized I didn't write anything.

I did put up a half-assed entry by trying to write something in a new font. A few people commented that they couldn't see it or it ran off the page somewhere. So I simply deleted it and started over. I lost 3 comments in the process.

Here it is 6:30AM and I am sitting here scratching my head. I can actually hear the cobwebs in my brain fluttering back and forth making cobweb sounds. Ssshhh... listen... can you hear them? No? put your ear closer to the speakers maybe...

07 May 2006

IT WAS A COLD AND STORMY NIGHT OUTSIDE


A

nd I could hear the wind howling ferociously as I slowly walked down the wooden steps. Each step had its own creak. Creak, creak... creak...



Finally at the bottom, I looked around the cellar. Dark and eerie and my eyes could barely see through the darkenss towards the room in the back. A small, almost hidden doorway was iluminated by the tiny, flickering 40 watt bulb on the wall. I began a very slow walk towards that doorway... looking around as I went. I could feel that familiar chill run up and down my spine as I reached for the ornate metal knob on the door.

Once open the door stuck halfway. I didn't force it. I stepped inside and another low watt bulb burned. Barely shining the light on the book on the table. Spider webs had formed on the top edge of the cover and ran down, across and under the wooden cherry table. I cautiously opened the front cover-piece and read the title:

The Meroviginians, Opus Dei and Denny Shane


Ever since my interview appeared on Michael Mannings' blog last week I have been deluged with emails about the Meroviginians and the organization known as Opus Dei. I suspect the DaVinci Code has a lot to do with these questions.

As many of you longtime readers know, I have been involved with my family history for 30 years. The history has taken me many places throughout the world and through the annals of long ago families.

With over 20,000 relatives now in the history, I keep on finding more and more names to add. It's very much a disease I think. But one of the most startling finds for me was when I discovered the Meroviginians and my descent from that direct line.


The Meroviginians were a dynasty of Frankish kings who ruled a frequently fluctuating area in parts of present-day France and Germany from the fifth to the eighth century. They were sometimes referred to as the "long-haired kings" (Latin reges criniti) by contemporaries, for their symbolically unshorn hair. It is also this line that the DaVinci Code suggest is a direct descent from the union of Mary Magdalene and Jesus Christ. The Merovigians also believed in this line. The line they believed in is as the following:

Jesus/Mary Magdalene
|
Sara
|
Josue
|
Aminadab
|
Catheloys
|
Manael
|
Titurel
|
Frimutel
|
Boaz
|
Frotmund
|
Faramund
|
Clodion

From this point you would go to Merovee at the top of the chart. According to all sources the Meroviginian kings had amazing powers, especially in healing sick people, etc. There have been many documented records of these events.

By now you either have read the book, or heard about it. Fact or fiction? Sure beats me and I am not about to put my Imprimatur on it, either way. But it sure is definitely interesting.

In the book, the author mentions Opus Dei as a secretive society, holding mystical powers and knowledge of the true Holy Grail, the san gre-al or is one letter is moved it becomes the "sang re-al". Interesting to say the least. How many times have we seen through history that things have been mistaken, etc. by the omission or addition of one simple letter.

Anyway, the organization known as Opus Dei takes a brutal hit in the book. The Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei, commonly known as Opus Dei (Latin for "Work of God") or the Work, is an international prelature of the Roman Catholic Church, composed of a prelate, secular priests, and ordinary lay people, whose mission contributes to spreading the Catholic teaching that everyone is called to become a saint and an apostle of Jesus Christ, and that ordinary life is a path to sanctity. Founded on October 2, 1928 by a Roman Catholic priest, St. Josemaria Escriva, Opus Dei was established as a personal prelature by Pope John Paul II, making it a part of the Church's institutional structure.

Believing that the "Church's first purpose is to be the sacrament of the inner union of men with God", Popes and many Catholic leaders strongly support what they see as Opus Dei's innovative teaching on the sanctifying value of work, its complete fidelity to the Catholic Church, and its work of enabling individual Catholics to take full responsibility for the mission of sanctifying society. In contrast, it has often been accused of secrecy, ultraconservative beliefs, a right-wing political agenda, and even cult-like methods. Recent studies meanwhile have done much to counter these claims, including the work of John L. Allen, Jr. (2005) who stated that some of these views are rooted in a longstanding misinterpretation of its newness. Dr. Massimo Introvigne, a prolific sociologist of religion and a conservative Catholic scholar, stated in 1994 that Opus Dei has been, for many years, the prime target of secularists who "cannot tolerate 'the return to religion'" of the secularized society. It is also stigmatized, he said, by Catholic liberals and ex-members. Seen by many Catholics as a sign of contradiction, Opus Dei is described by Allen as the most controversial force in the Catholic Church.

So friends that's it. My little connection to the world of mystery and suspense, religion and secrecy.
06 May 2006

TODAY IS QUESTION AND ANSWER DAY


T

here is nothing for me to blog about today so it's up to you. Here is your one chance to"ADA" better known as "Ask Denny Anything."



Just sit back, relax, we're sitting in cozy king-back chairs and you say, "Denny, I've been meaning to ask you...?"

Oh wait, we're in a bar and drunk... Ok, we're sitting at the bar at Malloy's taproom. Holding onto your barstool for dear life you ask... "Denny me (hic) lad, we've been knowing each other so long (hic) (hic) and there's a sumthin' been on me mind about ya. (hic)(hic)(hic) I want to know...?"

That's right, ask me any question you want, about me, and I will do my best to answer it.

That's all for now! Have a good weekend!

Mondays Headline in the Not So Normal News
THE MEROVIGINIANS, OPUS DEI AND ME
05 May 2006

HEY! GUESS WHAT? IT"S FRIDAY!


A

nd as a bonus it's Cinco de Mayo! Estara celebrando usted Cinco de Mayonesa? Will you be celebrating?

I guess this isn't a real big holiday in Idaho or Mississippi huh? It is here in Texas. As you know Texas once belonged to Mexico. In a way I kinda wish it still was... that way I could sneak over the border and get a bunch of benefits and not be "legal" ya know? Hey, don't snicker, that's my God given right! And don't even get me started on those sneaky Canadians that swim across the border.

Ok, moving right along... I'm still driving my car and decided not to buy a new one. I really don't need a new car so I am keeping my Blazer and will only use it for grocery shopping and church on Sunday. If gas goes any higher one of those fun activities will have to be cut.

I am still debating about my phone bill and services I may not need. I think I am going to recommend that they charge you according to what you do on the phone... Hear or Speak. I don't really need to hear anyone, because I don't listen anyway. I only need to speak. I talk, you listen. Why pay for a Hearing addition when I don't use it.

Have you guessed yet that I have nothing to write about this morning?


Observations and Questions
Any plans for Cinco de Mayo?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1900, Spencer Tracy actor (Guess Who's Coming to Dinner). And in the death notices today we find in 1821, Napoleon I Bonaparte, Emperor France (1799-1815), dies in St Helena.
04 May 2006

I AM STUPID AND...


M

y phone company, SBC, knows it. Maybe it's due to the sticker shock I am still experiencing from my foray into car buying... but... I received my phone bill and really, REALLY looked at it. The whole thing not just the bottom line.



Monthly Service
$55.94

Additional Charges and Additions
$3.85

Surcharges and Other Fees
$12.37

Taxes
$7.01

Total AT$T Internet Services
$23.11

Grand Total
$102.28

I looked over the bill at the different sections. I don't even know what half this junk is... tax for this, surcharge for this, federal government universal charge and it goes on and on for 6 pages! Yes, SIX pages!! Honestly, I can remember when phone bills were 1 page. Maybe $20.00.

It boils down to one of two things. Eat or talk this month.

Observations and Questions
What is your phone bill total? Do you even understand it? At least the Indians just used drums. But I am sure the phone company could figure out a way to charge for the air space. I have hit rock bottom and inserted a "Help Pay Denny's Phone Bill" button over on the left side there. Sigh.

Special Thank You
Thank you, thank you to the 2 people that ordered a tshirt and a thong from the gift shop! Any profit will go directly to my phone bill.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1943, Stella Parton, sister of Dolly Parton/singer (A Woman's Touch). And in the death notices we have in 1975, Moe Howard [Moses Horowitz] comedian (3 Stooges), dies at 77.
03 May 2006

THERE IS NOTHING MORE IN THE WORLD I HATE MORE THAN...


C

ar shopping or buying. As some of the long time readers of the News knows, last year in July I bought a new car, a Chevy Blazer. It's great in every respect and I really like the vehicle, except at gas-time. I've played around with getting a new, smaller car and one that was easier on gas consumption.

Back when I bought it, gas was of no real concern... today is a little different. I am not going to pay $60 to fill the tank. It's just crazy. So I decided to take the plunge and head out for a new car. The first thing the salesman did was stick out his hand to shake mine. Obviously an old dealer trick to lull you into complacency. But like a dope I returned the shake. I think they learn to access a person in car-buying school by their handshake. A good firm handshake means the buyer is a no nonsense person and knows what they want. A limp handshake means the person is a push-over and will pay sticker price, no bartering, no hassles, let's jack the car up another thousand.

I drove into the Saturn dealership feeling quite confident that I had the upperhand. I was going to take charge right from the beginning and show the salesman that I was a person not to be messed with.

Then I realized that it was the beginning of the month and probably one of the worst times to look for a car deal. Why? Because the slate is wiped clean for the salesperson from the previous month. They are not apt to negotiate much at the beginning and you should look towards the end of the month when they are desperately trying to make their quota.

The second mistake was driving in with an SUV and thinking I was going to get top dollar towards a trade-in. Everyone was trading in their SUV for gasical reasons. Not a good strategy car for price dickering. I was beginning to feel as though I may be operating from behind an 8 ball.

To make a really long 4 hour story short. I drove back out of the dealership in the same car I drove in with. I may have over-done the "I am not going to be screwed" theory a little too much. I may have had myself soooooooo psyched up that I was not going to allow the dealer to get the upper hand that I was oblivious to whatever deal he layed in front of me. Dunno... I need to re-psych myself and give it another whirl today.

Observations and Questions
How do you feel about car buying? Any tips for strategies, that really work?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1903, Bing Crosby, (Harry Lillis Crosby), Tacoma WA, crooner/actor (White Christmas, Going My Way). And in the death notices we find in 1294, Jan I, Duke of Brabant/Limburg/poet, dies.
02 May 2006

YES, YOU ARE LATE DOCTOR... AND


Y

ou owe me $176.43 for my time. Yesterday I had an appointment with my regular doctor. It was scheduled for 1:20PM... in doctor-speak that means somewhere around 3:30PM.

I am really upset at these practices that doctor's have built for themselves. Make an appointment for 1:20PM and maybe, just maybe you might get in to see him at 3PM. At least with my psych if she says 9AM, guess what? She walks through that door at exactly 9AM, not 8:59 or 9:01 but 9AM on the dot! The atomic clock could be set by her.

Anyway, at 1:20 PM, my appointment time, the nurse comes out and calls my name. Wow I think, this is a first. I go down the hallway and hop on the scale. I have perished to 218. Actually, I haven't lost a single pound since my last weigh-in. Geez, still another 20 to go. Only 40 if I want to get down to my Navy days. Into her office we go and she takes my temperature and blood pressure. She starts reading my file and says that I am due for a pneumonia shot since my last was in 2001. I get that and she promptly announces that the doc is running late and he'll call me when he gets there. Ah ha! A coverup again! I go back out and sit down and wait and wait and wait!! I envision a break room full of doctors all sitting around laughing and having a good old time while the PA system constantly repeats Code Blue Room 45444.

Observations and Questions
Why Why Why? Do doctors think they can be majorly late, not even offer an apology or excuse and act as if nothing is wrong? How about some common decency... Geez, sorry Mr. Shane but I had an emergency in the brea... err Room 45444, a Code Blue.

Things I have learned while waiting for my Doctor
Here are some things you might want to know. I've gathered these while waiting on numerous occasions for my doctor to see me and I should be finished my 1st year terminology class soon... Won't your doctor be impressed next time when he asks how you're feeling and you reply: "OMG, I have been suffering from HA for days now in my O.S."

Code Blue: Patient in cardiac arrest
a.c.: Take before meals
AKA: Amputation above the knee
b.i.d.: Take twice daily
DOE: Shortness of breath on exertion
HA: Headache
in vitro: In laboratory
in vivo: In body
O.D.: In right eye
O.S.: In left eye
O.U.: Both eyes
p.o.: By mouth
p.r.n.: As needed
q.d.: Every day
q.i.d.: Four times daily
SOB: Shortness of Breath
VSS: Vital Signs are Stable

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1907, Pinky Lee, children's show host (Pinky Lee Show). And in the never-ending death notices we have in 1972, J Edgar Hoover, head of FBI (1924-72) and famous cross dresser, dies at 77.
01 May 2006

MY RESTLESS NIGHT WITH OPRAH


N

ow Oprah is invading my midnight dreams. Last night was a terrible night trying to sleep. I went to bed a little past 10PM. I woke up at 11 and had to pee. Ok mission accomplished and climbed back into bed. Layed there, tossed, turned and finally drifted off. 1AM... pee attack again. Back in bed I layed there what seemed forever and I began debating if I should just get up and start the day. "Dammit, I'm tired, I'm not getting out of bed and I am going to sleep if it kills me."

I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew I was sitting in this huge room with a lot of people, none of which I knew. We were all sitting around the edges of the room with the middle empty. Across from me were people all relaxing. I looked up and there were huge shelves filled with things like furniture, refrigerators, speaker systems and a huge organ.

All of a sudden the shelf that the organ was on gives and the organ rolls off and plummets down to the floor. It lands and bounces in the middle of the floor and then rolls towards me. It's going to crush me to smithereens... As it rolls towards me and to my certain death I put my feet up as to block it's path. It works! The organ crashes against my feet and bounces back the other way. Except this time it lands on a woman across from me... people are running everywhere, screaming for the rescue squad.

The next thing I know the smoke clears (where that came from I don't know) and I look across the room and the organ has been removed and a woman is sitting on the edge of a bed talking to this injured woman... and telling her everything will be just fine and Oprah will take care of all the expenses.

With that here comes Oprah rushing out of her dressing room down my side of the floor screaming, "What happened, what the hell happened?" She was dressed in a white satin gown which trailed behind her. She was frantic.

Oprah running at full speed down the path and looking across the room to the woman moaning and laying in bed with the crushed legs... She gets to me and stops dead in her tracks, "Denny, Denny Shane! How are you my friend?" A little embarrassed at the attention I mutter, "Oh hi hon, how have you been? Long time, huh?"

She sits down next to me and says, "Cutie, wanna bon-bon?" I was about to pop one of Oprah's bon-bon's into my mouth when all of a sudden, I woke up again. Yep, guess what I had to do?

Observations and Questions
Anyone want to venture a dream interpretation here?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1907, Kate Smith, Greenville AL, singer (God Bless America)/Philadelphia Flyer luck charm. And in the death notices in 1997, Bebe, AKA Flipper, dolphin, dies at 40.