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10 May 2006

OH LORD, THE INHUMANITY OF IT ALL


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es my friends, I come to you today with saddened heart and spirit. I can hear you, "But why Denny, you are always so up and cheery?" 'Tis true it is, but I have come across something so demoralizing, so personally devastating, I may not ever recover. I feel so strongly about this I have even posted this a day ahead of time. Yes friend "time"... and "time" is running out.

I went to Pet's Mart this afternoon in hopes of buying two little turtles to replace Willie and Tillie. These two frolicking turtles one day felt a little hungry and ate the entire Italian roll I put in their turtle bowl for lunch. How the hell was I suppose to know turtles couldn't eat Italian food? I was 10 years old at the time. My psych thinks my problems started back when I was no longer the Administrator for the Commonwealth of Penna... but friends my decline started way earlier. My slide began on that fateful Friday afternoon, when it was feeding time at the Shane household. Excuse me for a sec, ... snif, snif, ok.. I'm back. I was shocked when I found out the Italian roll would expand in their teeny-weeny stomachs... and, well... the expanding dough... oh God, I can't even think about it. Turtle remains all over the kitchen... Ka--BOOM.. 2 times, one for each little turtle.

Anyway, I decided to go today and buy two new little turtles to replace Willie and Tillie. I was shocked when I found out it wasn't turtle season and they couldn't carry turtles until the appropriate time.

As I was slowly walking out of the store completely dejected, my eyes wandered over the fish aquariums and there on a shelf was a little plastic container, marked "Reduced For Quick Sale" What could it be? Stale dog food? I walked over and picked the container up in my hand. "Holy Crap!", I thought to myself. "there's a blue fish in here!" Reduced for Quick Sale????? I asked the girl dusting the shelves... I guess making way for the bigger and heartier fishies.

"Excuse me? What is this?" She didn't even look at me as she kept wiping the counter... "it's a fish"

"No shit Dick Tracy", I replied. A heavy sigh came and I knew I shouldn't have interrupted her... "Sometimes we reduce a fish for quick sale... ummm to make room for the fresh ones coming in."

I wondered at that point what they did with the fish that went belly-up while waiting for a new watery home. I didn't want to ask really. I just know they have a toilet in the back room with a fishy smell. I looked at the card: "Beta Male" $5:49 Reduced for Quick Sale $2.25.

I am referring to a little, tiny fish whom I have named, "Killer". Why Killer? Because of his attitude... he's a survivor, a struggler. Don't ya just wanna pick him up, kiss him and snuggle him close to you?

I held the poor fishie in his potato salad container looking prison, and walked the aisles, debating what to do. While I debated I put 2 bottles of Beta Water in my cart, which is pre-conditioned water and it comes in bottles, a purple Beta-Aquarium. I thought it needed some home decor so I bought two Greco-Roman columns.

Here you can see "Killer" on the left side of the blog... a live action cam... the KillerCam. See how lifeless he looks? I wanted him to turn towards me when he is live and on air so you could see the little bit of glimmer that's left in his glossy eyes but he was entirely too weak to make a 90 degree angle turn and then pose for the camera. Maybe next time... if he lasts that long. Snif!!!

I am now fighting for little fishies all over the world. Won't you please donate $1.00 to the "Save Killer Fund"? You can donate right over there where you see the PayPal logo, right under the plea for funds for my World Tour. The World Tour will be put on hold until I have this situation covered.

As an incentive, if you donate, you will receive a picture of your adopted fish. Actually, I would rather you print this page out, then cut the picture of Killer out to hang on the fridge. Every so often you'll get a letter from Killer telling of his adventures all over the planet. Yes, I will be taking Killer on a world tour very soon. Just imagine how happy you will be when you get your picture of little Killer swimming in his aquarium in front of the Eiffel Tower or swimming proudly in the Coliseum in Rome! Periodic updates on his training will be included along with a growth chart. If you would like to buy Killer some pants and a little fish tshirt, please increase your donation.

I thank you, Killer thanks you, and any future fish babies from Killer thanks you as well.

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