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19 June 2006

THE BIBLE: AN ANCIENT SOAP OPERA?


T

elevision today could actually take any story in the Bible and turn it into a soap opera. This idea popped into my head as I was watching a show on the History channel about Abraham. If you don't know the storyline, let me explain real fast.

Abraham is married to Sarah. They moved from a little town called Haran to Canaan and Abraham's little nephew, Lot, tagged along. Lot will eventually get his own soap opera and be sponsored by Morton's salt company. Anyway, Abe and Sarah are trying to have a kid... a boy to be specific. Sarah keeps popping out girls. Then she tells Abe one night.... "why not have an affair with my slave girl Hagar?"

Abe kinda thinks Sarah is a little kinky, but what the hell, Hagar's kinda cute. Abe and Hagar get it on and lo and behold Hagar produces a son. God tells Abe that this doesn't count. It has to be Abe and Sarah's son in order for Abe to become famous. Back to the drawing board. Finally Abe is 100 years old and guess what? Sarah is pregnant with their son, Isaac. After Isaac arrives on the scene Sarah banishes Hagar and her new son Ishmael to the desert. Sometime after little Isaac is born God tells Abraham that he's created circumcision. Poor little Isaac.

As if that wasn't enough, God then tells Abe to take his family somewhere, and throw Isaac on a fire to prove Abe's love for God. Whew... what a story. Abe being obedient actually prepares to do it, right up to building the fire and getting ready to throw Isaac into the flames. No wonder Isaac may grow up to become neurotic... first having his "thing" cut down a bit and now being thrown into a fire.

At the last minute which could be the end of the season cliff-hanger, God interrupts and tells Abe he was just testing Abe and not to throw Isaac into the flames but to go get a Ram or goat or something to throw in the fire.

Observations and Questions
Do you think my new show, The Water Floweths has a chance? Any storyline you would like to see?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this day in 1962 Paula Julie Abdul Van Nuys Calif, singer/choreographer (Straight Up). And in the death notices today we find in 1953 Rosenbergs executed at Sing Sing, Julius takes 3 tries, Ethel 5.
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