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19 August 2006

TWO DAYS ONLY: 2 FOR 1 DEAL


T

hat's right... today and Monday I'm having a 2 for 1 deal. Two sins for the penance of 1 sin! Now you tell me what other confessional will give you a deal like that!!

Two weeks ago we had a lot of shoving and pushing in the lines. So last week I had to form two lines with the men on the left and the women on the right. That seemed to work so today it's the same setup. I noticed the female line seems much longer. The men came in with the usual, "I lied twice, stole once, blah, blah, blah." But the women... Whew!!! "I had adulterous sex, I fantasized about the butcher" Now THOSE are the sins you need to get off your ummm ample chest so to speak. I took it one step further, I ran out and purchased a new 2006 Confessional. As you see on the right, I am modeling it for you. It also comes with a booth on the left for the men and one on the right for the females. It is also completely air conditioned for your comfort. Also equipped with a state of the art x-ray machine that goes right through clothing... in case there are any... well, you know. Anyway, on to the sins!

Since it seems I have been confessing a sin a week, for some reason I keep going back to my Navy days. I guess I didn't commit any sins after I got out of the Navy? Anyway here we were in Panama, the country not the U.S. city.... beautiful Panama City. The ship had begun a service for the guys by providing a map of the city so we knew where we were at all times. On the map there were always places of interest pointed out for us to sightsee.

When I got my copy of the map I looked it over for the points of interest. There was a huge red circle around one section of the city. Written in the circle were the words: "Red Light District. Very Dangerous. Stay Out" Wow, was I glad they pointed out that section of the city. You can never be too safe ya know.

Anyway, my buddies and I went on Liberty that night, while deciding what to do we pulled out the map to look over the offerings. We noticed that in the red light district the map also had the names of the clubs to avoid. How nice. The cabbie looked at us and asked, "Gentlemen? Where would you like to go?" We all pointed to "La Gloria's!" on the map. He laughed, "ah si!" and off we went. Looking back now, this place was a dump... I mean a DUMP. If I was dying I wouldn't even crawl to it. But back then it looked like a really fancy nightclub. The music was blaring, you had to fan the cigarette smoke away from your face so you could see where you were going. It also had a peculiar smell about it. For being a place that was "off limits" it sure had enough service men. We even bumped into the Executive Officer of our ship and he was the guy that drew up the map!

Anyway, on our 3rd night visiting the establishment, I was sitting at the bar, enjoying my drink... whatever it was. A young girl came up to me and asked if I wanted "a date." Before I could answer my ummmm girlfriend from the two previous nights showed up. She grabbed the new girl by the arm and swung her around, "he is mine!" "I don't see your name on his forehead" the young girl says. With that, my ummm "girlfriend" pulls out a knife. Now she had very little on to begin with and where this knife was hidden... shrug. The younger girl puts up her hands and says, "fine! he's yours!" WOW!! for the first time in my life I had two ladies fighting over me! It had to be my charm and intelligence I think.


Where is the sin you are asking? Oh there aren't any sins here to confess. I just enjoy telling this story over and over. I mean, I felt so loved and wanted.

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Observations and Questions
Anyway, we're here today so you can unburden YOUR sins and not mine. Let's get to it, shall we?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1957 Cindy Nicholas Canada, swimmer, swam English Channel 19 times. And in the death notices we have in 1940 Leon Trotsky icepicked by Frank Jackson.

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Hungary: Constitution Day (1949)
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