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30 January 2007

LET'S SAY I BREAK


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nto your house... Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests. Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family 's insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part). If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest, um, except for well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me."

Observations and Questions
Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?

Breaking News!

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan , Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America 's supply of convenience store managers. And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer service reps. and Motel 6 managers.

It's getting ugly!

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1931 Gene Hackman California, actor (Bonnie & Clyde, Under Fire, Superman). And in the death notices in 1838 Osceola chief of Seminole Indians, dies in jail .

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
England : Women Peerage Day (1958)
Kentucky, Virgin Islands : Franklin D Roosevelt Day
29 January 2007

PANCAKE MAKERS UNITE!


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ow you folks know me... I rarely complain. Okay, maybe I'm stretching it a bit there. Anyway, how many of you eat pancakes out there? Come on now, raise your hands... ok, I see one, two, five, a lot of hands.

The box I have are the kinda instant, water and mix type. When I use to make pancakes for the kids years ago, I did it from scratch with flour, etc. Now that I have reach advanced laziness I but almost prepared stuff.

Anyway, the directions on the box for 6-9 pancakes are 1 cup of mix and 3/4 cup water.

First of all this does NOT make 6 to 9 pancakes, unless you want pancakes the size of a 25 cent piece. If I like normal size pancakes, this recipe makes 2.5 cakes. Plus there is something majorly wrong with the recipe! If you follow the directions closely using 1 cup of water or milk and 3/4 cups mix... these pancakes are so friggin' thick I have to use a spoon to get the mix onto the griddle... and they take forever to cook on one side. What am I doing wrong?

The directions couldn't be wrong, so it must be me. Below the directions is a note: For thicker pancakes use less water. Holy crap, I'd have to use a jack-hammer to get the stuff onto the griddle.

Every box of mix I look at in the store has the same measurements. I honestly think the ingredients need to be reversed... 1 cup of water/milk and 3/4 cup mix. That way they are a little bit thinner and more manageable.

Observations and Questions
Does anyone else have this problem? Or is it just me?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1880 W C Fields [William Claude Dukenfield] Philadelphia PA, "on the whole, he'd rather be in Philadelphia"/actor (My Little Chickadee, Bank Dick). And in the death notices in 1980 Jimmy Durante New York City NY, singer/comedian (Ink-a-dink-a-doo, Palooka, The Jimmy Durante Show), dies at 86.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
Kansas : Admission Day/Kansas Day (1861)
Australia : Australia Day (1788 - 1993)
China : Chinese New Year-The Year of the Tiger (1998/4696)
China : Chinese New Year-The Year of the Dog (2006/4704)
25 January 2007
24 January 2007

A PICTURE IS....


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orth a thousand words:

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


Observations and Questions
Comments anyone?
23 January 2007

AND TODAYS' WEATHER FORECAST IS...


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ell, that depends on where in the country you are situationed. The other day I sat and wondered, if I were to move, where would I go... I looked across the United States and started listing the Pros and Cons of each area. I've broken the US down into three zones.

California and the west: Forest Fires that makes Hell jealous
Mid-West: Tornados of "Wizard of Oz" proportions
East Coast: Hurricanes of Biblical proportions

Observations and Questions
My question is pretty easy. Where do you live and do you experience any horrible things that I would not like to endure?
20 January 2007

TO SPANK OR NOT TO SPANK


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he State of California has seemed to answer that age old question for the residents of that state.

The other day California became the first state in the country to outlaw spanking your child.

To be honest I am not so sure this is a good idea. Not that I believe in spanking but rather this could be the beginning of intrusion by the state into other aspects of our lives.

Observations and Questions
Any comments?
17 January 2007

ANOTHER PIT BULL STORY


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ow I know we have a few pit bull owners who read the "News" and I am sorry if I upset you with this story... but it must be told...

I was watching Court TV today and they had an interesting story. A guy in Florida was caught with his pit bull by his wife. Ummmm, the guy was in a quite compromising position with the pooch. The wife took 2 pictures of the naked chap with their doggie and promptly called police. That is the story I wanted to share with you today, unfortunately Court TV hadn't put it up on their website yet. So I found a similar story to share with y'all... I didn't know pit bulls were so sexually attractive. Ugh.

A Spanaway, Pierce County, man has become the first person charged under the state's new felony bestiality law.

Michael Patrick McPhail, 26, was charged Thursday with one count of first-degree animal cruelty after his wife allegedly caught him having sex with the family's pit bull, according to charging papers filed in Pierce County Superior Court.

The woman snapped two photos with her cellphone camera, then dialed 911, authorities said.

McPhail was bailed out of jail on Friday, two days after the alleged incident.

According to Rita Morgan, national cruelty coordinator for Pasado's Safe Haven, McPhail is the first person in the state charged under the new law, which makes bestiality a Class C felony, punishable by a maximum of five years in prison and a $10,000 fine.

The law was spurred by the case of a Seattle man who died last year after having sex with a horse at an Enumclaw farm.

Observations and Questions
Ummmm... I know there are a few pit bull readers out there. Any comments?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1955 Kevin Costner Los Angeles CA, actor (Fandango, Silverado, Bull Durham). And in the death notices in 1978 Carl Betz actor (Alex Stone-Donna Reed Show), dies at 56.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
Tunisia : Revolution Day (1956)

I JUST HAD TO LOOK OUTSIDE


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fter watching the weather report last night before I went to bed, I just knew when I woke up this morning Houston was going to be buried in 10 feet of snow.

It is soooooooooo cold down here.... I think I saw the temperature hugging the 31 degree mark this morning. It actually took me about 45 minutes to find my excuse of a winter coat, just in case I needed to go out to the store, or seek shelter in a local school.

The last time it snowed here the city went into a genuine panic. It snowed less than a quarter inch and it was mayhem on the highways. Cars were all over the place. Schools shut down and forget city services. Having lived in Philly a quarter inch of snow was a nice, balmy spring day. I can remember one snow storm where when I opened the back door to my house, the snow was literally up to the top of the door. I was greeted with a complete wall of snow over my head.

Observations and Questions
How's the weather in your neck of the woods?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1899 Al Capone, Italy, gangster (Chicago bootlegging). And in the death notices in 1874 Chang & Eng Bunker Chinese/Thai Siamese twins, die at 62.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
Poland : Liberation Day
16 January 2007

MY NEW DIET


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es folks, I am on a new diet. No, not the South Beach Diet, I'm not seeing Jenny Craig... this is the Denny Shane Starvation Diet. And it really works! The only rule is you cannot eat food! Yes, yes, I know about the health risks of not eating... but on the positive side... I'll look terrific in my coffin.

Of course I haven't stopped eating... I'm not completely crazy... yes you are, am not, are to... I'm simply cutting way back on what I eat.

And I thought what better way to help me lose weight than to put it right out there for the world to see. Since I hate to lose and embaress myself, I've decided to put the pressure on myself by publicly doing this weight thing.

Every morning I'll weigh myself when I wake up and put the results up top on the banner-thingy. I am serious about losing weight this time. The reason: oh forget health... I am losing weight for love.

If ever I am going to get a woman I have to get back down to my love weight... which is about 190 lbs. If getting there is easy then I may even try for my Navy weight 160 lbs.

Observations and Questions
Who knows, by the end of the week I may say "to hell with it all" Shrug. Oh, and P.S. Don't ask me what BMI means becauase I don't know and I don't care. I only deal in pounds and ozs.

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1959 Sade [Helen Folsade Ady] Ibadan Nigeria, rocker (Smooth Operator, Sweetest Taboo; Grammy 1986-Best new singer). And in the death notices in 1343 Robert of Anjou king (Naples), dies.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
US : Martin Luther King Jr Day (1929)
Virginia : Lee-Jackson Day
14 January 2007

KEEEEEE---RASHHHH


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hen two more keee---rashhhh's, right outside my bedroom window... and I do mean right outside. I jumped up in bed and opened the blinds... another pick-up truck and a small sedan two feet from my bedroom window smashed... and there was a pick-up truck revving his engine and off he went and proceeded to crash into two more cars, before swinging around and crashing through a chain-link fence and coming to a stop.

I'm writing this at 1 AM, and this all happened at midnight. So I get dressed and head on out to see the damages. By now there are tons of people out there all milling around checking out all the damages and smashed cars. The driver of the truck that did all the damages appeared to be okay.

The funny thing is none of these people saw the accidents but they all knew just how it happened... and none of their stories matched. Laugh. I think the cops had 8 different versions. One of the cops walked towards me with pen and pad in hand... I waved him off and said, "I was sleeping." and he walked away.

An accident like this brings out the people... there were residents that I had never even seen before milling all around. A cute dark-haired woman was standing next to me asking what happened. I filled her in as much as I could and with what I picked up from the other people. At one point there was a loud popping sound coming from one of the cars. The cute woman grabbed my arm... yes, had anything happened I would have thrown her to the ground and covered her body with mine to protect her... unfortunately nothing happened after that.

And now, here it is 1:16AM... I am wide awake... the only good thing to come out of this whole incident is that I have my blog article written for Monday. Yippeee.

Observations and Questions
Anything ya wanna say?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1951 Charo Murcia Spain, actress/singer (Chico & the Man, Love Boat). And in the death notices in 1987 Ray Bolger actor/dancer (Wizard of Oz), dies at 82.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
Guatemala : Esquipulas
Japan : Adults Day/Seijin-No-Hi
Jordan : Arbor Day
Venezuala : Teachers' Day/Dia Del Maestro
US : Martin Luther King Jr Day (1929)
12 January 2007

B0B WOULDN'T GET CAUGHT DOING THIS...


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ager to try out a new prescription for the erectile dysfunction drug Cialis, a couple in their fifties is facing indecent exposure charges after they were caught having sex on a balcony at a family resort in South Carolina. William McGinn, 57, and Patricia Scott, 53, were arrested Saturday afternoon when other vacationers at the Breakers Resort spotted them engaging in a variety of sex acts on their third-floor balcony, according to a Myrtle Beach Police Department.

One witness told cops that McGinn and Scott ignored requests that they take it inside, away from the view of guests, including children. When police confronted the couple, they claimed that onlookers were just "jealous," adding that if other guests "did not want to see them, then they didn't have to look." McGinn told officers that he had just received his Cialis prescription and, "he and Scott were in love." As she was being placed in a patrol car, Scott complained to one cop that she and McGinn were "just f**king" and "didn't see the problem." McGinn and Scott were booked into the Myrtle Beach Police Department jail.

Now we've all done similar things... right? LOL. I guess there's a question of civil rights and the right to persue happiness and then there's public decency and indecency.

Observations and Questions
Let's assume you were the Judge... what would you decide?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1906 Tex Ritter Texas, country singer (5 Star Jubilee, The Wayward Wind). And in the death notices in 1976 Agatha Christie mystery writer (10 Little Indians), dies at 85.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
Tanzania: Zanzibar Revolution Day
10 January 2007

I AM FINALLY OUTRAGED!!


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s many of you know, I am normally a very mild-mannered person... shutup, yes I am.

Did I get upset when my bagel place went from 25 cents to 30 cents for Everything On Them Bagels?? A little but that was ok... You think I got upset when gas hit a bazillion bucks a gallon? A bit, but such is life.

This morning, before going to the bagel place I walked into the Walmart Grocery store which is across from the bagel place.

I need cigarettes. I non-chalantly walked up to the counter... before the cashier got to me I had the opportunity to glance over the cigarettes. Which brand should I buy this week?

Holy good crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, that deserves a few more !!!!!!!!!!!

My eyes first hit Marlboro 100's. $54.60 a carton... Holy Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought to myself, man am I glad I smoke the cheap ones. I looked down on the bottom shelf... hahahahahah obviously a joke. Last week the no name cigarettes were a mere $20.00... $36 mind-blowing dollars and 52 friggen cents!!!

I thought I was gonna have another stroke right on the spot! I think I decided that the time has come... finally. After all these years.... yep... I have to find the blog address of that Indian reservation that sells them for $14.00 a carton.

Oh big deal... so they make them out of tumbleweed...

Observations and Questions
Do I even want to ask?

PLEASE NOTE

This is a cause we can all get behind! Hugo Chavez, friend to Castro, Iran, Syria, Al Quida and the larger socialist movement, has vowed to destroy the
United States. Now he changes the name of his nationalized oil fields and the associated fuel company, CITGO, in an attempt to continue "stealing" money from his avowed enemy. Let him drink the oil or swim in it; don't help the bastard take your money under false pretenses. It is time we all remembered that the United States is at WAR with Al Quida and their supporters - Iran, Syria, etc. In war you don't support your enemies or theirallies. DON'T BUY PETRO EXPRESS!
09 January 2007

WHAT ARE THE QUESTIONS?


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et's see how good you guys really are... I was going through some emails yesterday and deleting them by the barrelful. I thought it would be fun to write out my top 5 answers to those email letters.

And here they are:

1. I would never do that...

2. Normally 7 inches, sometimes 8 inches

3. If the moment were right, I might

4. I think 300 would be my limit

5. I would if you would

Observations and Questions
Your assignment? What were the questions I was/were asked?

PLEASE NOTE

This is a cause we can all get behind! Hugo Chavez, friend to Castro, Iran, Syria, Al Quida and the larger socialist movement, has vowed to destroy the
United States. Now he changes the name of his nationalized oil fields and the associated fuel company, CITGO, in an attempt to continue "stealing" money from his avowed enemy. Let him drink the oil or swim in it; don't help the bastard take your money under false pretenses. It is time we all remembered that the United States is at WAR with Al Quida and their supporters - Iran, Syria, etc. In war you don't support your enemies or theirallies. DON'T BUY PETRO EXPRESS!

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1913 Richard Milhouse Nixon Yorba Linda CA, (R) 37th President (1969-74). And in the death notices in 1324 Marco Polo Italian explorer.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
Connecticut : Ratification Day (1788)
Panama, Canal Zone : Martyrs' Day/Dia de los Martires
08 January 2007

AN UNPLEASANT SUBJECT


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es, some people may think this is an unpleasant subject. But it is something I've wondered about... Now you'll see just how goofy and erratic my brain works, day in and day out.

In your bathroom... where is your toilet paper? Namely on the little roller attached to the wall? Or could it be on the toilet tank? On the floor? On the bathtub edge? Or per chance is it where it's supposed to be on the toilet paper holder thingy?

I thought about this at 3:30 AM this morning... There I was minding my own business, I reached over to the bathtub edge and took the toilet paper and in one swoop I dropped it. Normally, it just rolls across the floor... this time it not only rolled across the floor, but it continued rolling into the other room. Stopping at the opposite end of said room.

Now I had to slowly, meticulously and gently pull the edge of the paper back towards me... moving so slowly as not to unroll it again and have to start all over.

Oh shutup... you know this has happened to you...

Observations and Questions
So... where is your toilet paper?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1947 David Bowie [Jones], London, singer/actor (Major Tom, Ziggy Stardust). And in the death notices in 1324 Marco Polo Venetian explorer/Governor of Nanking, dies.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
Louisiana : Battle of New Orleans/Old Hickory Day/ Jackson Day (1815)
Switzerland : Meitlisunntig Festival-Woman in Villmergen War (1712)
05 January 2007

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Observations and Questions
?

Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Born this date in 1914 George Reeves [George Lescher Bessolo], actor (Superman). And in the death notices in 1998 Sonny Bono (Representative-R-CA)/singer (Sonny & Cher), dies skiing at 62.

Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
Bird Day (1905)
England : Glastonbury Thorn Day
04 January 2007

OH COME ON, YOU KNOW THE ANSWERS


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o you have your thinking cap on today? You won't need it, these are pretty easy. Uh huh...

Q1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms: The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

Q2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

Q3. A magician was boasting one day at how long he could hold his breath under water. His record was 6 minutes. A kid that was listening said, "that's nothing, I can stay under water for 10 minutes using no type of equipment or air pockets!" The magician told the kid if he could do that, he'd give him $10,000. The kid did it and won the money. Can you figure out how?

Q4. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

Q5. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away?

Q6. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

Q7. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!

Q8. You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Q9. If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Q10. (in your head!) Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Q11. Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

ANSWERS:

A1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

A2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

A3. The kid filled a glass of water and held it over his head for 10 minutes.

A4. Colour and Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.

A5. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson's words: hmmmm... Barbecue.

A6. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

A7. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph

A8. If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

A9. If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!

A10. Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

A11. Nunu? NO! Of course not. The fifth daughter is Mary. Read the question again.

03 January 2007

I NEVER KNEW YOU COULD...


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o and mine for diamonds for free...

An Arkansas man has found a 2.37-carat white diamond at the world's only diamond-bearing site where visitors are allowed to search for and keep the gems they find.

Gary Dunlap of Jefferson named the diamond he found the Star of Thelma to honor his wife of more than 10 years. Dunlap's find was the fourth-largest diamond found in 2006 at the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Murfreesboro. In all, 486 diamonds have been found at the park this year.

Dunlap found the gem Sunday while looking near a Bois d'Arc tree on the park's 37.5-acre search field. He said he felt certain the shiny stone was a diamond when he picked it up off the ground. Dunlap has visited the park about a dozen times but this was his first diamond find.

In March, a state trooper from Nowata, Okla., unearthed the 4.21 yellow Okie Dokie Diamond. In September, a Point, Texas, couple found the 6.35-carat brown Roden Diamond. The following month, a visitor from Ripon, Wis., found the 5.47-carat yellow Sunshine Diamond.

The largest of the 25,000 diamonds found at the park since it became a state park in 1972 is the 16.37-carat Amarillo Starlight. A visitor from Texas found the white diamond in 1975.

Observations and Questions
I'm getting out my vacation map and plotting a route!
02 January 2007

LOUISIANA... WE HARDLY KNEW YA...


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ell, hello 2007, not even a day old and already the horror stories that we'll have to deal with are spilling out all over. This one comes courtesy of scientists studying Louisiana's sinking coast says the land here is not just sinking, it's sliding ever so slowly into the Gulf of Mexico.

First we have California, slipping off the U.S. and people are rushing to buy border property in Utah... now people will be plunking down the dollars in Texas for beautiful beach property. As if I didn't have enough to worry about already.

While you're pondering the new outline of the United States, pity the poor airline employees ay O'Hare Airport in Chicago... a group of United Airlines employees swear they saw a mysterious, saucer-shaped craft hovering over O'Hare Airport last fall. The official reason at O'Hare? Yes, they drug out the old, tired weather balloon and/or weather phenomenon.

Observations and Questions
Well, we don't have poor, old Saddam to kick around anymore so we need to turn our attention somehwere... why not space and the oceans.